Get out of my lane, Miami!

I am, what most would call a good driver.  In my 16 years of driving, I've been pulled over about 5 times and ticketed about twice.  I've wrecked twice.  One completely my fault where I was late for work, driving too fast, and tapped the lady in front of me at about 5 mph.  (Of course this did not stop her from trying to get $10,000 from my insurance company for damages to her person and her car.  Just for future reference, lady, they take pictures of the cars.  My car didn't have as much as a scratch on it and neither did yours so quit trying to SCAM!)  The second wreck involved only me, my car, a rainy day, and a freshly oiled stretch of pavement.  (Yes, in PA, they OIL the roads.  Oil + water = skid, slide, BANG!)

Last month, I got a ticket for failing to come to a complete stop before making a right on red.  Again, I was in a hurry.  So much of a hurry that I completely missed seeing the cop.  Oh well.  I took it like a man.  Or at least as much of a man that's possible as I'm not a man.  Did I aggravate the officer?  Probably.  Did his question, the ever popular, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" deserve to be answered with "Because I cut you off?", probably not.  At least he didn't nail me for not having my seat belt on. 

This was my first ticket in FL and lucky for me (NOT), the most expensive one outside of speeding.  DON'T RUN A RED IN FLORIDA PEOPLE!  Anyways, $200 later, I figure I'd better take the traffic class so that the points aren't added to my license and therefore jacking up my insurance rate.  As I've been going through this class online, I finally came to a part that everyone who gets on the ramp to 836 east off of NW 27th Ave northbound between 7:20 and 7:30 am should know about:

Drivers should be advised that highway on-ramps are for entrance to and preparation for highway driving. Drivers must no longer travel at the drastically reduced speeds suitable for city driving. Drivers are called upon to increase speeds to that of the highway traffic and use the on-ramp and subsequent merging lanes as a means to get into the flow of highway traffic. The driver is called on to signal, increase speed, and merge safely into traffic.

Do you understand what this means, people?  Just in case you don't, let me break it down for you.  We have a few hundred feet of space to get up to the SAME speed as everyone else that is late for work.  Said late folks are NOT going to slow down so that you can creep, grandma-style into traffic.  You are going to cause a major accident.  In case that wasn't clear enough, let me elaborate.  Everyone else is going between 65 and 150 mph.  I use this ramp to have my Ricky Bobby moment for the day, wherein I blow out all the dirt that's hanging out in my injectors by redlining it in first through about third till I get up to speed.  Now, what do you think happens when you, turtle shell, are in front of me?

    1. I am deprived of my Ricky Bobby moment for the day.
    2. My baby Honda must choke on dirt for an extra day.
    3. You PISS OFF everyone within a half mile radius of your car.
    4. Quite often, you cause an accident.

You may not think that numbers one and two are important, but ask any 6 year old how important number one and number two are, and even they will know the answer. 

So please, Mr/Ms. Honey-I'm-So-Scared-To-Drive-Here-Because-Everyone-Is-Going-So-Fast, either get on the track or stay in the pit!

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  • Don't I know it, sister! I am REGULARLY screaming at the moron in front of me on the on-ramp, no matter which part of 95 I'm joining, that he's going to GET US ALL KILLED with that slow-poke speed. Would it be so wrong to bump him right off the road?

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