Shoot Your Shot?

Hey there! Two posts in a month? Look out now!

I used to have an almost daily blogging habit. Those were also the times that I had to leave the house for work, drive in shitty traffic, sit in a freezing cold office, and work for a horrible human. I had A LOT to say. But of course, things change (thankfully) and now I don’t leave the house for work (nor will I ever again if I can help it) so there’s no traffic (unless I bump into Lovey in the hallway) and I can put on or take off as much clothing as I want (or use a space heater) and my boss is GREAT! So yeah, my life is kinda boring right now. But boring in the best possible way.

I do leave the house once a week to teach my fabulous FabPolers. This past week, on my way home, I’m cruising with the windows down and the music waaaaaay up. I was jamming out to some K7 (Let’s Bang) and singing and dancing. Yes, I’m THAT person in the car and I have no intention of changing. I was sitting at a light in the left hand lane and a car pulls up beside me. I notice out of the corner of my eye that the person is trying to get my attention. Out of concern that something may have been amiss, I rolled down my front passenger window. (Driver and rear passenger were down in case you’re wondering how I was heard/seen) Eye rolling ensues.

Him: *Black man of undetermined origin. Handsome but definitely not my type. Older.* Hi! Can I enjoy the music with you?

Me: Uh, sure. *rolls down window further and turns it up*

Him: *gesturing wildly* I am 941

Me: Oh, nope. I’m married. Not trying to get those digits.

Him: Oh! No, no. This is you?

Me: What?

*longest fucking red light ever*

Him: This song. It is you?

Me:*laughing hysterically* NO! This is not me. The band is called K7.

Him: K7?

Me:Yes.

Him: Ok. Thank you. You have a wonderful day!

Me: You too!

These are the days of my life. I am a magnet for just strange things. Keeps life interesting though, I suppose.

Well, I guess I’m gonna wrap up here. I’m up to get my boobs smashed. See ya!

February?!?!

For sure I’ve used this video before, but when it fits, it fits.

But holy shit, y’all. It’s already February. One twelfth of the year is gone, just like that. See, if you were doing New Year’s Resolutions, you might be stressed out about that thought. BUT, if you’re doing New Day Resolutions, that fraction don’t mean a damn thing.

As you may recall from my last post of a month ago (insert eye roll here), I have five NDRs. Through January, I did some, I didn’t do some. But I don’t have a true recollection of how much of any one thing I did with the exception of anything that got captured on the ‘Gram.

Because I like charts and graphs and coloring and because it might also help make the NDRs into habit, I printed a, wait for it, habit tracker. It’s perfect because it only has space for five things and five is all I’m good for. By no means am I using it to cause stress on myself or try to guilt myself into doing things. Am I going to enjoy coloring in the rectangles? Sure! Am I gonna be overly concerned if I miss one? Nope!

At least if I’m tracking what I’ve done, perhaps on March 1 I’ll then be able to look back at today and see improvements and I’ll be able to correlate that progression with time spent and effort exerted. The nerd level is pretty high but that’s just how I function.

Also how I function…my brain all over the place. Why, when I have gotten absolutely nowhere on the first three books in my head is there now a fourth idea swimming around in there?!?! I gotta stop manifesting ideas and start manifesting more fingers on keys.

Perhaps that’s how I’ll accomplish my daily writing goals. It doesn’t need to be a blog post every day. Let’s face it. We’re in a pandemic. There simply isn’t that much interesting going on in my life…or anyone else’s for the most part. So I’ll pick a random number out of the sky (or it won’t be random) and say, “Self, sit down and write 500 words in one of those four books.” And Self will do it. Part of my writing struggle is continuing to tell myself that I have to write a book from start to finish. Duh. It’s my book. I can write it however I want. Go ahead and write those parts that keep popping up in your head and save them. Then weave them together and quit fucking around!

Sometimes, you gotta give your damn self a pep talk.

Honestly, I don’t know why I never thought of writing in chunks before. What is wrong with me?!?! Well, it’s out there now so I can move forward.

Hey now! I’m done writing for today and I’ve hit 3 of my 5 NDRs. Considering that one of them (stretching) isn’t on the calendar until 8pm, I’m having a damn fine day. See ya soon.

What A Start

Wow. 2021. We’re off to….a start.

It’s been a long time. Shouldn’t have left you. Left you without a FUCKING PRESIDENT for the last four years. Oops. I got a little excited there. But yeah. America. Dust yourself off and try again.

Ok, ok, the country on fire isn’t what I wanna write about today.

Did you make New Year’s resolutions (NYR)? I did not. Eff that madness. I’m all about New DAY resolutions (NDR). I’m all about knowing how I work. It’s been 47 years so I think I have it mostly worked out. I know that I’ll fail at NYR before the end of January so why would I set myself up for that?!?! Why would you? Why would anyone?

I suppose if I were making NYR, it would look something like lose 10 pounds, have a better handstand, write a book, get better with my flow toys, and be a better person. LOLOLOLOL, right? It’s so general. And so many people try to run their NYR that way and then in January of the next year wonder where they went wrong. I’m trying to break out of that rut with the NDR.

I’ve spent enough time in Corporate America hell to know how to set goals. SMART ya heard. That’s specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound if you haven’t heard the spiel. What I listed before as NYR – not SMART. I tried to make my NDRs SMART. I guess really that I have five mini goals to get to my big daily goal of finishing my tasks. Every day, five quests upon which to journey on my way to GoalLand.

  • Exercise or do yoga – 30 min min, 60 min max
  • Meditate – 5 min min
  • Practice handstands – 5 min min, 10 min max
  • Write/blog – however long it takes to expel the word vomit
  • Flow (rotate through the poi, wand, hoop, fan, pole through the week) – 10 min min, no max

Those five things don’t seem like a lot of things and they aren’t. But like I said, I know how I am. I need to build a habit before I add something else to the mix. So I’m not stressing myself if I don’t make it to GoalLand every day. I know I won’t get to a blog post every day. We’re in the middle of a pandemic so I don’t really leave the house much. I love my home life, but there simply isn’t that much that happens that would merit a blog post. Of course I have a book of writing prompts and I thought I might combine the week of prompts or just pick one to do for the week and if I like more than one, I would write more than one post. Nooooo pressure on me. No pressure = I start enjoying writing again. I’m really hoping that happens because as I’ve said before, I have books in my head that need to get out.

The exercise/yoga is the easiest one. I’ve been in that habit for over ten years. I’ve been a fan of the BeachBody programs since the P90X days. They keep me (mostly) focused and typically produce results. The fasted workout is how I start my weekdays. Saturdays get studio time (and also counts for flow for the day). Sundays are for rest. Or golf. Or a hike. But I try to rest a day. I’m 47, remember?

Is the best way to get out of your head by going into your head? I hope so since I’m adding this mediation goal. Hubby’s job offered up a Headspace subscription so duh, of course I’m gonna take advantage of that. And the guy has a great accent so it’s pleasant to listen to him.

Acouplafew years ago, I had a really strong handstand game but for whatever reason, I fell out of my practice. I want those stripes back and the only way to get them is to put in the work. I know you’re looking at those numbers and thinking that 5 to 10 minutes doesn’t equal putting in the work, but I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. WRONG. When I first started self-teaching this, that’s all I would do. Go out there and give it a shot for 5 to 10 minutes. As I got a little stronger, I started going to workshops to learn more. And although every workshop lasted no less than 60 minutes, we were never on our hands for all of that time. The constraints I had instinctually placed on myself turned out to be the knowledge passed on of not doing hour upon hour of handstand work at a time. Wrists aren’t made for that sort of pressure, so you gotta ease em into it. Like anal.

Ahh the flow toys. I think it started when I won a hoop on Instagram and snowballed pretty fast from there. Then I needed another hoop. Ooh, look a wand…it’s like magic. Oh, hey, where are my old poi? One more hoop won’t hurt. LED lights for the end of my wand?!?! Yes please! Yeah, I need twin hoops for doubles. Hey Christmas! Thanks, hubby! LED poi! So yeah, that’s kinda how it went. Now I have a lot of toys and I’m working to get better at them all. Nope. Never one at a time. All the things, all the time.

Those are the things. Accomplishing them all in one day gets me a ticket to GoalLand. For all intents and purposes, we are through the first week of the year and I have yet to get that golden ticket. I’m ok with that. I feel pretty good about getting four out of five by February. Change takes time, folks. You don’t have time? I bet you have more time now than you would next year when you’re looking back saying you shoulda started then.

Get started.

To Boldly Go…

From the title, I’m assuming that you know that this is going to be a post that has to do with Star Trek. If you didn’t, now you know. Then you might wonder why Beastie Boys. I guess if you knew Star Trek you’d know, but in case you don’t, take three minutes and watch this:

Then go watch the rest of the movie if you have the means. It’s pretty good.

If you aren’t familiar with Star Trek, this is gonna be the time that you’re gonna want to go ahead and jump ahead or click away or something because the rest of this post is going to be all kinds of nerd jokes.

One day, online, I saw one particular bird compared to one particular vehicle in Star Trek and that sent me down this path of trying to equate the local birds to races of people/creatures on Star Trek. Round these parts, we have a plethora of birds. The birds in play are the Great Blue Heron, storks, geese, marsh hens, ducks, spoonbills, eagles, sandhill cranes, and ibis.

Let’s start with the birds that got it all started: the geese. What I had seen online was something along the lines of a flying goose looking like a Klingon bird of prey. While I had never thought about it previously, the next time I looked up and saw one, I certainly saw the correlation. When you add on that geese can be pretty aggressive and mean, I thought that them being Klingons worked out pretty well. Qapla’!

Next up are the marsh hens. We call them water chickens because they really kinda are. They don’t fly far and they just walk around pecking at the ground. They have ZERO defense mechanisms. We watched hawks (who I just realized that I didn’t list) pick off the babies as easily as you or I might pick up the remote. Since they just looked like balls of fluff when the hawk had a snack, marsh hens are the tribbles. They even make stupid squeaky noises.

Every comparison doesn’t have a really strong correlation. Like, why are the Blue Herons Vulcans? I don’t have a great backstory for them just yet, but they do seem kinda stoic and standoffish, so that’s who they are for me.

Kinda cousins to the Vulcans are the Romulans. So while it would kinda make more sense to have the ibis be them, I’m giving it to the ducks. They’re kinda smart, at least smart enough to dive and hide from predators. I already told you, they’re not all winners.

I bet when I say pink bird you automatically think flamingo. I don’t think I had seen a spoonbill before we moved here, but they’re also pink, much smaller than a flamingo, and the end of their bill looks like a spoon, hence the name. If you’ve ever seen a Cardassian, not to be confused with a Kardashian, you know that smack in the middle of their foreheads, they have a ridge that looks like a spoon. I mean, how could I not make them that?!?

Back to the ibis. They run in packs and look for food in those same packs. Just pecking away, pecking away, almost shoulder to shoulder. It’s like they all move together…one set of thoughts…one mind…yes, the Borg. Usually if you spook one of them, they all fly too.

Our friends the storks. They are a cornerstone of the humanity of lying to your children about where babies come from. It’s because of this connection that I made them Betazoids. There’s a definite mental connection between humans and storks. They’re in our minds. Betazoids can’t get IN minds but they get them there feelings.

Because we are human (or I’m assuming you are if you’re reading this…if not, ummm, hi?), self-preservation and preservation of our other humans (the ones we like anyway) is one of the biggest traits of being human. Yeah, even boring old humans make it to outer space. We are big headed enough to think we started that shit. But, back to preservation, the sandhill cranes are the humans. They’re protected by the US Migratory Bird Treaty Act like the Federation of Planets. You gotta follow all kinds of rules about them, lol.

Last, and certainly not least in either the bird or the Star Trek kingdom is the eagle. A symbol of strength and well, superiority basically. You know how *we* do here in America. That symbolism and attitude is why eagles are the Q Continuum. They’re the most rarely seen character of these and it’s the most rarely seen bird. (Yes, I see cranes more than eagles)

Once again, I started a post at about 8:30 and it’s taken me four hours to finish it. Maybe when I can get down to pushing out this many words in under an hour, I’ll be able to focus long enough to write for my books, lol. Guess we’ll see!

Put In A Box

Step One: Cut A Hole In The Box

You might be asking yourself, “Isn’t it a little bit early for ‘Dick In A Box’?” and the answer is no, it’s never too early. Also, there’s a holiday coming up and some people need gift ideas.

Take a walk down the memory lane of this morning and how we got to Dick In A Box before 9am. (Yes, that’s when I started this post and I bet it doesn’t get completed before noon.)

  • Email arrives to remind me to write a blog post
  • I realize that I ran out of things to write about after two days of writing
  • I realize that I have a document that has a year’s worth of writing prompts and I just have to find it
  • Search my Drive for the document but get sidetracked by another document about my Sparktype (more about that later)
  • Brain goes wacky thinking about Sparktype, archetype, enneagram, personality type, Myers-Briggs, and the zodiac
  • All these things to “describe” but are they just pushing you into a corner
  • Ok, that’s a good jump-off point for a post
  • Now I need a song (I swear, some days I didn’t post because I couldn’t find the “perfect” song)
  • Look for songs about types or my type of girl but not getting what I want
  • Look for songs about being put in a box
  • Dick In A Box is on the list
  • Watch the video three times
  • Try to get my laughter under control
  • Ok, let’s post

I honestly think like that all the time. It’s a miracle that I ever get anything done.

Ok, back to getting put in the box. I identify as the following:

  • Sparktype: This one has a light (thing that shows up most strongly) and a shadow (the runner-up thing). Light first.
    • Performer: I gotta express myself in some physical way. I feel good when I get to do it. I’m not about feeling stifled or being controlled.
    • Maven: I live to learn new shit and am cool with being a Jill of all trades (mistress of none). I feel good when I’m learning new shit. I can’t stand when I get stuck not getting to do deep dives on shit that interests me.
  • Archetype: I guess that one is never just one thing when it comes to archetypes. I’m a mix of these three.
    • Athlete: Important to stay healthy and fit.
    • Intellectual: I’m good for making you think with my questions and comments.
    • Explorer: I take journeys, not vacations.
  • Enneagram: I’m a healthy mix of a few different ones here, but the winner is…..
    • SEVEN: The Enthusiast – I wanna have as much fun and adventure as possible and I’m easily bored.
  • Personality type: Ooooh, these get types AND sub-types!
    • Top level: Analyst
    • Sub level: Debater – Smart and curious thinker that can’t resist an intellectual challenge
  • Myers-Briggs: I’m sure you all know this alphabet soup.
    • ENTP: Let’s just leave this one at extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and prospecting/perceiving.
  • Zodiac: It’s my season.
    • Sagittarius: The Archer. I’ll never tire of repeating this.
    • I walk the high wire without a net across active volcanoes – blindfolded, spinning stacks of plates, holding a burning torch in my teeth. I want everyone to love and adore me as much as I do myself, then I can stop hating myself for not being all things to all people. I’m fiercely allergic to fraud and injustice and I’ll rip the mask off even the most pathetic imposter with relish. I give all my best things away and expect this and more from people I love. I know precisely how to hurt anyone, especially myself. Believe in me, and I’ll sell my soul for you. – Jane V. Limes, “How to be a Sagittarius”

Wow. That’s a lot to process. Kudos if you’re still here. And if you are, you should feel like you know me pretty well. If you do actually know me, how many of those boxes am I in and how many do I need to bust the hell out of?

What is one to take from all of this information that dives so deep into my psyche through the internet? I’ve actually had to take these sorts of tests in job settings. Behavioral tests before jobs (like restaurant manager – they asked if I thought food fights were funny – OF COURSE THEY ARE! – but I know that’s the wrong answer so you got the expected answer and I got the job) and personality tests during jobs (there was a color one too – I think I was a blue – I clashed with the rest of the team).

I suppose you take from it what you want. The picture all of these things paint are a pretty decent person so I suppose it’s ok. Don’t worry, I’m not over here living my every moment by these things. Being a Sagittarius is the only one I can always just rattle off. The others took a little looking through my burner email account, lol.

At the end of the day, it’s fun and maybe it shows you a little insight into yourself since we don’t all have the ability to take that look inside. It’s a skill that everyone should cultivate. You know, clean your own house before you talk shit about someone else’s dirty floor. And with that, I’m out.