In a year of more bads than goods, honestly, I'm glad to see it go.
As I was driving in to work this morning, I finally came to the realization that I really miss performing.
It's funny, because I'm hardly what you'd call an attention whore, but there's just something about the stage that's calling me. Not even the STAGE stage. I miss that too because there's nothing like pre-performace butterflies and post-performace, well, glow. But I miss just being in the public. I miss bartending and being a wise-ass. I miss not taking shit from people who give shit just because they thought they could.
Now I live in a bottle, taking shit from nearly everyone because they can and because I have no choice. Well, my bottle is filled to the rim with shit and I'm just barely keeping my head out of it. 2009 = the time to put on my steel toe boots and kick the shit out of this bottle.
Will the shattered glass cause some problems? Probably, but I guess it's a chance I'll have to take because my sanity and my happiness are more important than this paycheck.
I've been working for nearly half my life and I have NEVER felt this way about a job before. Never. Soul-sucking is an understatement. Every second that passes is one I'll never get back and will have been wasted because I'm only taking up space here.
2009 is going to have to be better. And it will be. I'm going to do what Picard says. "Make it so, Number One."
I can't fix it all, but there is a lot I can and will do. A New Year's Resolution? No, not so much. Let's take it one month at a time, shall we?
January brings the first steps back to the stage. I MUST get back in performance shape. The universe is cooperating with a free gym membership for a month and a month of yoga. By the time I leave for Park City, I MUST BE BACK IN SHAPE. That means lifting. That means cardio. That means stretching. That means getting off my lazy ass, breaking the bottle and getting the dirt off my shoulder.
Come along for the ride or get out of the way because come 1/31/09, this freight train will be full steam ahead and those who try to stop me will just get run over.