In a year of more bads than goods, honestly, I'm glad to see it go.
As I was driving in to work this morning, I finally came to the realization that I really miss performing.
It's funny, because I'm hardly what you'd call an attention whore, but there's just something about the stage that's calling me. Not even the STAGE stage. I miss that too because there's nothing like pre-performace butterflies and post-performace, well, glow. But I miss just being in the public. I miss bartending and being a wise-ass. I miss not taking shit from people who give shit just because they thought they could.
Now I live in a bottle, taking shit from nearly everyone because they can and because I have no choice. Well, my bottle is filled to the rim with shit and I'm just barely keeping my head out of it. 2009 = the time to put on my steel toe boots and kick the shit out of this bottle.
Will the shattered glass cause some problems? Probably, but I guess it's a chance I'll have to take because my sanity and my happiness are more important than this paycheck.
I've been working for nearly half my life and I have NEVER felt this way about a job before. Never. Soul-sucking is an understatement. Every second that passes is one I'll never get back and will have been wasted because I'm only taking up space here.
2009 is going to have to be better. And it will be. I'm going to do what Picard says. "Make it so, Number One."
I can't fix it all, but there is a lot I can and will do. A New Year's Resolution? No, not so much. Let's take it one month at a time, shall we?
January brings the first steps back to the stage. I MUST get back in performance shape. The universe is cooperating with a free gym membership for a month and a month of yoga. By the time I leave for Park City, I MUST BE BACK IN SHAPE. That means lifting. That means cardio. That means stretching. That means getting off my lazy ass, breaking the bottle and getting the dirt off my shoulder.
Come along for the ride or get out of the way because come 1/31/09, this freight train will be full steam ahead and those who try to stop me will just get run over.
Go back through the past year's entries and show us the first line of the first (public) post in each month. Now you have a twelve-sentence snapshot of what you thought was worth blogging about in 2008.
January – A new year means just that, a new year.
February – Good morning world, good morning February, good morning Voxaholics!
March – It's been quite the interesting day so far.
April – It's day two and we have no luggage yet.
May – First and foremost, get your sway on!
June - Rest in peace.
July – The last few days have been, well, somewhat ridiculous.
August – 1961 – Six Flags opens their first park ever.
September – So yeah, occasionally I have aches or pains or what have you, but I'm still only 34 until December.
October – Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
November – So, late in the game I've decided to try to spit out a post a day for 30 days.
December – Well, kids, if you can believe it, there are only 30 days left in this year.
This exercise had made me realize that I am so freaking RANDOM!! It's good to be me.
Yeah, how about that number? Certainly not as bad as: 34, life's approaching half over. A little dark this morning? Yes. But dark with a smile. 🙂
So seeing as how we're almost done with this first month already, I thought that I would revisit my 2008 goals and see how I'm doing.
- Learn to speak Spanish – Right. I've really been slacking on this one although there is more Spanish being spoken in the house recently.
- Attain the body that I want to have – I had it for a few days. Nothing like a vacation in which you LOSE weight while still eating like a piggy. Now I'm all fat and bloated again and I really have to start working out. Thank you, Cosmo, and magazines in the same line for making me think that I need to be thinner than I am. Screw you anyways.
- Figure out what I want to be when I grow up – CHALLENGE COMPLETED! I really don't know why it even took me so long to realize this one. I've always had a morbid fascination with crime, crime scene, and investigations, hence my love of stuff like Law and Order, CourtTV (now trutv), Dr G: Medical Examiner, and a host of Patricia Cornwell books. Why not put it to use? Shooting to be some sort of CSI.
- Get back to school – CHALLENGE COMPLETED! I am officially enrolled in an online university and should begin my classes in early February if all goes through with the financial aid. I will be first completing my Associates in Business Administration (there ya go boss lady, good enough for ya?) and following that with my Bachelors in Criminal Justice. Go me! I'm excited about this.
- A year and a day – The time in February has not come yet. Excused.
- Work from home – I'm still driving into the office. It's still driving me crazy.
- Write more – BAD Shyner. I haven't written much of anything although things keep popping into my head, mostly in dreams. That formula for love is just out of my grasp. Maybe I can drink it into reach. HA!
Okay, so 2 down, 4 in progress and one not started. Not to terribly bad but nothing great either. Must. Try. Harder. And I will. Happy Tuesday folks.
Doubtful, but Roboco did this one and I thought I'd try it out too. Seems that if I'm going to make things better (not that they're bad) I should take into account what others say, probably with a grain of salt, especially when it's a random quiz. Take the quiz yourself here.
Your Existing Situation
Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them.
This is true at times, false at times. I try fairly hard not to let others bring me down but I don't mind some pick me up. I do prefer my peeps to have things in common with me and good gravy let's not even bring up the "P" word.
Your Stress Sources
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.
This is painfully true which is why, at times, I question my decision to be in a relationship and my parenting abilities. I want to work towards being in a position of less restrictions and limitations but seeing as how I don't currently leave the house much, I have to work on that first.
Your Restrained Characteristics
An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Able to achieve satisfaction through sexual activity.
Hmmm, ouch. A lack of confidence. Maybe, although I don't think I come across that way to other people. If anything, I've probably come across as a bit on the cocky side, but I guess that's just overcompensation. As for that last part, let's just say I'm going through a rough spot. After I can dismiss any medical issues, I'll tackle what the problem probably really is.
Your Desired Objective
Takes easily and quickly to anything which provides stimulation. Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics cleverly so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermined others' confidence in herself.
You know, these things shouldn't really be this accurate. I really do love things like puzzles but I don't like to be forced into doing things. So, if it's interesting and I want to dabble, I'm all there, but if you tell me I HAVE to, forget it. I guess my preoccupation is what leads me to things like the trapeze, skydiving and snowboarding. That last sentence, I'm not even gonna touch it.
Your Actual Problem
Seeks to avoid criticism and to prevent restriction of her freedom to act, and to decide for herself by the exercise of great personal charm in her dealings with others.
Right, I don't take criticism well and I know it. I can't prevent the restriction, I can only try to fix what's there. People tell me I should be in sales with my personality, that or a stand-up comedian, but yeah, when I want, I'm a charmer.
A new year means just that, a new year. Lovey and I brought in the new year in peace and a fair amount of quiet. I am what is called 'una vieja', meaning an old lady for those who don't speak the language. I just really like my sleep. I didn't get to 34 still looking like I'm 21 by skipping out on my nap time.
I thought that maybe I would post daily or take a photo daily, but that may not happen. I will, however, try to create a super photo blog of our trip to Park City so I can take my whole Vox 'hood along for the ride. We're equipped with 3 cameras and a camcorder so hopefully there will be lots to see and do.
Best wishes for all in the new year. Be true to yourselves.