Eleven Twelfths


You are the reason I’ve been waiting all these years. Somebody holds the key. Yeah.

As we come to the end of another freaking year (seriously, how the hell did this happen?!?!) and I enter my 48th year on this wacky rock, I’m figuring out who the you and the somebody is. Spoiler alert: they’re both me.

Huh? Yeah. I’m the reason that I procrastinate. I’m the reason I’ve been waiting all of these years/months/days/hours/minutes to do ‘that thing’ that I’ve been meaning to do. I hold the key. I have the time. I’ve just been lazy. Or perhaps lazy is extreme. I’ve been floating without direction is probably more accurate.

Every year, or close to, I talk about what I’m going to do in the next year. I have taken New Year’s Resolutions out of my world and replaced them with New Day Resolutions. I simply stopped remembering this concept and let myself slip and slide down the hill to mediocrity and below. It took way too long, but I finally realized what the hell I was doing to myself and dragged my ass out of that darkness.

Not an easy task, ok? I hate this time of year. From November 1 through January 1 could literally be removed from the calendar and I would be cool with that. It’s even taking my birthday off the calendar. I’m cool. I’m not sure when it was that I went from ‘Yay Christmas’ to ‘oh, ok, Christmas’ to ‘FFS is it over yet?!?!’ but that last one is where I am. Not the most fun when it’s your other half’s favorite holiday. But, I deal. And then I can go back into my dark, hermit cave to recuperate from this mess that is the holiday season.

This year, I’m doing something that I’ve never done before – taking the last week of the year off of work. I’ve had the capability to do this for well over ten years now, but for whatever reason, I just never did. We’ll see how it goes, but having that whole week to set up my routines, get my planner all pretty, get everything in its place to start 2022 strong (really hoping to get some of these things implemented in December so I can cement them into place in January) and kick ass the whole way through. Yeah! Go me!

Something I’ve been asked a million times and I’ve never had an answer for (and still don’t) is “What is your why?” I hate this question. Partially because I think it’s just a stupid question and partially because I don’t have an answer. I suppose it would be neat to have that all wrapped up in a nice package, no? Some people do and can rattle off that answer no problem. Me? Uhhhhhhh, *shoulder shrug*. Is this really the end-all and be-all of life? Some of us are quite happy with just floating through, helping where we can, throwing in a laugh here and there. What’s wrong with that? Guess it depends who you ask.

I thought that this question was really geared more towards sales because that’s where it was pounded into me. Twice. (That’s what she said) First time, I made up an answer because I had to have one. I might also have been on or near my period so any and everything that was said got taken to heart with some tears. I coulda won an Academy Award then. The second time, I just didn’t answer it. Why lie, right? I don’t have this deep down desire to fix or rule the world because I know I’ll do neither. There isn’t some grand achievement that I’m striving for. I’m just living. Minute by minute, hour by hour. Why? So I can eat and keep a roof over my head. So I can pick up a toy or two and not worry about being broke afterwards. So is my why comfort? Could be. Seems selfish, but so am I.

Looks like I’m headed into December ’21 and all of ’22 on my usual bullshit with some extra corn on the side lol. The usual bullshit = work, exercise, pole dance. Extra corn = more fans/fabpole/handstands/poi/leviwand plus aerial silks, tarot and crystals. Still running my own personal PT with all the tools (and I found a video to reset my SI joint on my own and it is LIFE CHANGING!, nothing personal Dr. Z, I’ll still see you) and pushing to see if I can find the physique I had 10 years ago. A whole entire cob = finding that new house. Fingers crossed, y’all! I gotta go get on my shit!


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