What is your definition of home?
Submitted by naynay72
Home is the place where I feel safe, where I can take refuge from the rest of the world. It's MY corner, my personal space. It is where I can grow and build and share, where I can entertain and be entertained. It's the place I would always rather be. It's where the sun shines a little brighter and the night isn't quite as dark. It's where I love and where I am loved.
It would seem that everything funny happens at McDonalds.
I went there to pick up lunch because, well, I'm hungry and I'm gonna die one day anyways, so I might as well enjoy myself while I'm here.
Ordering was smooth and fast today and hooray, there's my order. Even though it's only 2 things, I check the bag to make sure it's correct. My fries don't look so good. So I eat one. Confirmation. My fries are NOT so good. For $1.89 and my health, I'll take fresh fries please, Alex.
So I sashayed right back up to the counter with those things they were trying to pass off as fries and said that I wanted new ones. The girl at the counter (who I see nearly every time I come in there) informed me that all the fries looked like that today. Well, fine, but you're at least going to give me some hot ones. I'll wait. I can see the fryer from here and I know they're almost done.
While I am waiting for new fries, up comes a lady to the front with her fries. Apparently, I am not alone. Following her was a guy with two orders of fries. I didn't make a big stink, just asked for my fries to be replaced. And while the other lady didn't make a big stink at the counter, her commentary walking away was priceless.
"Ya'll need to change the motherfucking oil or something. This is MAC-DONALDS!"
Hahahaha, so this is who sets the quality standards for her food? I shouldn't laugh. That's actually a very sad statement.
This bout is scheduled for, oh, I'd guess another 50 or so years.
In the red corner, weighing in at just under 7 pounds, the Wii Fit Balance Board! WFBB has a record of outrageous sales, minimal complaints, and for some, actual exercise value.
In the blue corner, weighing in at about 3 pounds, my brain. The Gray Matter has a record of crazy thoughts, funny outbursts, and mostly not going haywire.
Damas y caballeros, ahora veremos quien es el mas macho!
<cut to pre-recorded video>
Interviewer: So, are you ready for this battle?
WFBB: I'm about to show the brain the truth!
Interviewer: The brain is undefeated. How do you feel about that?
WFBB: That's because the brain hasn't gone up against me.
<fade to black, fade back in>
Interviewer: Are you at all concerned about your upcoming bout with the WFBB?
Brain: Nah, man, I can take the BB. I run this body!
Interviewer: The WFBB claims that you've been telling half-truths about the body.
Brain: Look, I was here before the WFBB and I'll be here after the WFBB. We'll settle this in the ring.
<DING, DING>
Here's the thing. My weight fluctuates between about 126 and 132. 6 freaking pounds. You would think that 6 pounds wouldn't make that big of a difference in how I look. WRONG!
This is where the fight between the brain and the WFBB comes in. The brain will somehow think that we look awesome today, but WFBB will come in and say, "Awww, hell no. You're on the high end of your limit today, fatty." Other days, the brain will say, "Good Lord, are you putting on your winter weight?!?!" and WFBB says, "Hey, look at you all down at 126!"
Good God, I forgot where this post was going.
Nevermind.
Lovey: I think my aunt is making those sausages that you like.
Me: Okay.
<five minutes>
Me: The ones in the sandwich with the onions and peppers?!?!?
Lovey: <laughing> Yes. Which ones did you think I meant?
Me: I don't know. It took a minute to register.
Lovey: <more laughing>
Me: Man, I love those. I'm full and I'd eat it right now anyways.
Lovey: <laughing again> You're not full.
Me: Yes I am.
Lovey: <near hysterics> No, you're not. You had a piece of toast.
Me: Oh yeah.
I totally forgot that I didn't really eat when I made breakfast for them. I am officially a mess.
