Journey 22 – WHY?!?!

I cannot begin to tell you how much I despise someone asking me this question. I had made it over 40 years of my life before this question started invading.

I’ve done a lot of things for work in my years from offices to outdoors. I’ve taken pretty much all the personality/what color is your personality/number/sign test that there is. For the most part, even if I were only basing my vision on those things, I know who I am.

The big difference between those times and question times is who was signing my check. That someone was always someone else. I had never been an entrepreneur. I didn’t see myself as that when I was a real estate agent either, which is why it turned out to not be my thing.

Here I am again in a position where personal development comes into play. I am once again immersed in reading and I am once again reading the same things. This question is the basis of so much personal development. It might be THE basis.

What is your why?

So look. I’ve never thought about this before I was in real estate. Why? I don’t know. I suppose it never came up. But once it did, it’s everywhere. And yes, there’s a term for that and I read it recently but I can’t remember the name. It’s the same as when you buy a car and then you see everyone has it.

Anyway, when I was in real estate, I was on the spot to come up with my why so I invented one. I mean, why did I want to sell houses? To make money. Duh. But there had to be some grand reason in order for my why to be valid. And that’s why I hate this question.

“People” will be so quick to tell you that your reason isn’t enough, that there has to be more. There doesn’t. Yes, I’m giving the finger to a lot of personal development there, but everything doesn’t have a reason. “Why not?” is a valid reason in my book.

I fully understand that my lack of a why keeps me from knowing my true purpose. I would like to know why the fuck I’m floating around here. I’d love to believe that I have some grand purpose in this life and I haven’t found it yet.
Who’s to say that I’m not on my path? What if my purpose here is to help the people I’ve helped? Yes, there will be more people to help in the future and I’m here for it. What if I am supposed to walk the path I’m walking (which may not seem interesting) so that I am able to cross paths with the people I am supposed to help?

I will have to think about this further. Not knowing isn’t the best. Not having interest is worse. I’m trying to not lose interest. So I try to do fun things on my path, whatever that may be. It actually isn’t even a path. It’s more like some trampled down grass that you can see if you look hard. At the next clearing, I’m throwing down dance challenges because I want people I know to have fun and be healthy.

I don’t feel like I know what my why is. I may never have some clear cut vision of it. I’m ok with that. I’m going to keep setting my little goals for myself and helping whoever is along the way.

PS. I know I promised you something last week. I haven’t forgotten. I had a tough time coming up with a subject, but I’ve got one and I’ll share it this week.

Say What?