To Boldly Go…

From the title, I’m assuming that you know that this is going to be a post that has to do with Star Trek. If you didn’t, now you know. Then you might wonder why Beastie Boys. I guess if you knew Star Trek you’d know, but in case you don’t, take three minutes and watch this:

Then go watch the rest of the movie if you have the means. It’s pretty good.

If you aren’t familiar with Star Trek, this is gonna be the time that you’re gonna want to go ahead and jump ahead or click away or something because the rest of this post is going to be all kinds of nerd jokes.

One day, online, I saw one particular bird compared to one particular vehicle in Star Trek and that sent me down this path of trying to equate the local birds to races of people/creatures on Star Trek. Round these parts, we have a plethora of birds. The birds in play are the Great Blue Heron, storks, geese, marsh hens, ducks, spoonbills, eagles, sandhill cranes, and ibis.

Let’s start with the birds that got it all started: the geese. What I had seen online was something along the lines of a flying goose looking like a Klingon bird of prey. While I had never thought about it previously, the next time I looked up and saw one, I certainly saw the correlation. When you add on that geese can be pretty aggressive and mean, I thought that them being Klingons worked out pretty well. Qapla’!

Next up are the marsh hens. We call them water chickens because they really kinda are. They don’t fly far and they just walk around pecking at the ground. They have ZERO defense mechanisms. We watched hawks (who I just realized that I didn’t list) pick off the babies as easily as you or I might pick up the remote. Since they just looked like balls of fluff when the hawk had a snack, marsh hens are the tribbles. They even make stupid squeaky noises.

Every comparison doesn’t have a really strong correlation. Like, why are the Blue Herons Vulcans? I don’t have a great backstory for them just yet, but they do seem kinda stoic and standoffish, so that’s who they are for me.

Kinda cousins to the Vulcans are the Romulans. So while it would kinda make more sense to have the ibis be them, I’m giving it to the ducks. They’re kinda smart, at least smart enough to dive and hide from predators. I already told you, they’re not all winners.

I bet when I say pink bird you automatically think flamingo. I don’t think I had seen a spoonbill before we moved here, but they’re also pink, much smaller than a flamingo, and the end of their bill looks like a spoon, hence the name. If you’ve ever seen a Cardassian, not to be confused with a Kardashian, you know that smack in the middle of their foreheads, they have a ridge that looks like a spoon. I mean, how could I not make them that?!?

Back to the ibis. They run in packs and look for food in those same packs. Just pecking away, pecking away, almost shoulder to shoulder. It’s like they all move together…one set of thoughts…one mind…yes, the Borg. Usually if you spook one of them, they all fly too.

Our friends the storks. They are a cornerstone of the humanity of lying to your children about where babies come from. It’s because of this connection that I made them Betazoids. There’s a definite mental connection between humans and storks. They’re in our minds. Betazoids can’t get IN minds but they get them there feelings.

Because we are human (or I’m assuming you are if you’re reading this…if not, ummm, hi?), self-preservation and preservation of our other humans (the ones we like anyway) is one of the biggest traits of being human. Yeah, even boring old humans make it to outer space. We are big headed enough to think we started that shit. But, back to preservation, the sandhill cranes are the humans. They’re protected by the US Migratory Bird Treaty Act like the Federation of Planets. You gotta follow all kinds of rules about them, lol.

Last, and certainly not least in either the bird or the Star Trek kingdom is the eagle. A symbol of strength and well, superiority basically. You know how *we* do here in America. That symbolism and attitude is why eagles are the Q Continuum. They’re the most rarely seen character of these and it’s the most rarely seen bird. (Yes, I see cranes more than eagles)

Once again, I started a post at about 8:30 and it’s taken me four hours to finish it. Maybe when I can get down to pushing out this many words in under an hour, I’ll be able to focus long enough to write for my books, lol. Guess we’ll see!

Put In A Box

Step One: Cut A Hole In The Box

You might be asking yourself, “Isn’t it a little bit early for ‘Dick In A Box’?” and the answer is no, it’s never too early. Also, there’s a holiday coming up and some people need gift ideas.

Take a walk down the memory lane of this morning and how we got to Dick In A Box before 9am. (Yes, that’s when I started this post and I bet it doesn’t get completed before noon.)

  • Email arrives to remind me to write a blog post
  • I realize that I ran out of things to write about after two days of writing
  • I realize that I have a document that has a year’s worth of writing prompts and I just have to find it
  • Search my Drive for the document but get sidetracked by another document about my Sparktype (more about that later)
  • Brain goes wacky thinking about Sparktype, archetype, enneagram, personality type, Myers-Briggs, and the zodiac
  • All these things to “describe” but are they just pushing you into a corner
  • Ok, that’s a good jump-off point for a post
  • Now I need a song (I swear, some days I didn’t post because I couldn’t find the “perfect” song)
  • Look for songs about types or my type of girl but not getting what I want
  • Look for songs about being put in a box
  • Dick In A Box is on the list
  • Watch the video three times
  • Try to get my laughter under control
  • Ok, let’s post

I honestly think like that all the time. It’s a miracle that I ever get anything done.

Ok, back to getting put in the box. I identify as the following:

  • Sparktype: This one has a light (thing that shows up most strongly) and a shadow (the runner-up thing). Light first.
    • Performer: I gotta express myself in some physical way. I feel good when I get to do it. I’m not about feeling stifled or being controlled.
    • Maven: I live to learn new shit and am cool with being a Jill of all trades (mistress of none). I feel good when I’m learning new shit. I can’t stand when I get stuck not getting to do deep dives on shit that interests me.
  • Archetype: I guess that one is never just one thing when it comes to archetypes. I’m a mix of these three.
    • Athlete: Important to stay healthy and fit.
    • Intellectual: I’m good for making you think with my questions and comments.
    • Explorer: I take journeys, not vacations.
  • Enneagram: I’m a healthy mix of a few different ones here, but the winner is…..
    • SEVEN: The Enthusiast – I wanna have as much fun and adventure as possible and I’m easily bored.
  • Personality type: Ooooh, these get types AND sub-types!
    • Top level: Analyst
    • Sub level: Debater – Smart and curious thinker that can’t resist an intellectual challenge
  • Myers-Briggs: I’m sure you all know this alphabet soup.
    • ENTP: Let’s just leave this one at extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and prospecting/perceiving.
  • Zodiac: It’s my season.
    • Sagittarius: The Archer. I’ll never tire of repeating this.
    • I walk the high wire without a net across active volcanoes – blindfolded, spinning stacks of plates, holding a burning torch in my teeth. I want everyone to love and adore me as much as I do myself, then I can stop hating myself for not being all things to all people. I’m fiercely allergic to fraud and injustice and I’ll rip the mask off even the most pathetic imposter with relish. I give all my best things away and expect this and more from people I love. I know precisely how to hurt anyone, especially myself. Believe in me, and I’ll sell my soul for you. – Jane V. Limes, “How to be a Sagittarius”

Wow. That’s a lot to process. Kudos if you’re still here. And if you are, you should feel like you know me pretty well. If you do actually know me, how many of those boxes am I in and how many do I need to bust the hell out of?

What is one to take from all of this information that dives so deep into my psyche through the internet? I’ve actually had to take these sorts of tests in job settings. Behavioral tests before jobs (like restaurant manager – they asked if I thought food fights were funny – OF COURSE THEY ARE! – but I know that’s the wrong answer so you got the expected answer and I got the job) and personality tests during jobs (there was a color one too – I think I was a blue – I clashed with the rest of the team).

I suppose you take from it what you want. The picture all of these things paint are a pretty decent person so I suppose it’s ok. Don’t worry, I’m not over here living my every moment by these things. Being a Sagittarius is the only one I can always just rattle off. The others took a little looking through my burner email account, lol.

At the end of the day, it’s fun and maybe it shows you a little insight into yourself since we don’t all have the ability to take that look inside. It’s a skill that everyone should cultivate. You know, clean your own house before you talk shit about someone else’s dirty floor. And with that, I’m out.



Awwwww shit. Two days in a row! And that means absolutely nothing. Even though it’s likely that I’ll make it through the week, weekends have been and continue to be my downfall. That’s truly terrible. It isn’t as though my job is so stressful that I need some major relaxation on the weekends.

Sidebar: Remember yesterday I was talking about AWESOMESAUCE bosses? Well, today, current boss emailed me this morning with kudos on a catch I made a couple weeks ago that the customer’s IT dept hadn’t caught. In the thread, she had even stated that I found it. If you’re in corporate America, you know that this isn’t the norm, unfortunately. Again, big ups to the current boss lady. Who will probably never see this.

I fall into these habits of just lazing around the house. I mean, after I teach and we grocery shop and clean the house every other weekend. The couch is my mortal enemy (and the new one will be here in the next 60 days so I will have a new comfortable battle to fight but that’s another story) and I struggle to escape its comfy grasp, however I know that I can prevail.

On to today’s topic: silence.

I’m going to go ahead and guess that most people live in either the silence camp or the background noise camp. Or perhaps you have a preference for different situations. Personally, I’m pretty strong on team STFU. Oooh, I wonder if this preference correlates with the setting in which you grew up. I’m a country girl and I prefer silence. Hubby is a city boy and prefers background noise. Has this been proven yet or am I just science-ing it up over here? SCIENCE!

It isn’t like I never want sound in my life. I’m not that strange. Cooking? Cleaning? Dancing? Working out? Movement in general? Yep, pump up the jams. Working? Reading? Sleep? Please shut it all down. Even right now, as I write this, I have music in my headphones and that’s probably why it’s taking me well over an hour to finish this one post. I get sidetracked because I’ll hear a lyric and go off on a tangent and get sucked into some YouTube or other hole and forget what I was doing. Hey look, a squirrel!

I started to chastise myself about jumping around from topic to topic here, but stream of consciousness is how I do things. Perhaps if I can get back into the groove of writing regularly, I’ll start to make sense again, but until then it seems like these posts will just be brain dumps. *shrugs*

And with that, on to the next topic, lol. Back in July, I completed a 100 hour yoga training in a facet of Ashtanga yoga called Rocket yoga. I kept up with my practice fairly consistently through August but then I fell off. I’ve been focused on weighted cardio for the last few months, but my body has been looking for something different. I had a, wait for it, limiting belief (yeah, only some people will get that but that’s ok, it’s for those that do, lol) that I couldn’t get both done because there simply wasn’t enough time in my day.

Well, the lie detector test revealed that this was a lie. When I simply sat down and wrote down the things that I wanted to do and the time in which I had to do them, I found that I did indeed have time if I just stopped fucking around.

In case you aren’t familiar, Ashtanga and Rocket are not what most people think of when they hear yoga. It is, of course, the same poses that one would traditionally see, but the sequencing is different and specific and kicks you square in your lily white ass. Notice I said YOUR ass because I didn’t describe MY ass. In regards to MY ass, it was sore along with many other parts of my body after jumping back in to practice. But after three days back in, muscle memory has kicked back in and I’m feeling less sore and more floaty.

The plan is to keep hitting up the yoga for this month and then add the weighted cardio back in when we hit the new year. You might not know me, but I know me and I gotta add stuff in a little at a time or I blow the whole thing up and go back to zero. If you remember yesterday I mentioned my eight things to do daily. I hit them all but one yesterday. Aiming for all of them today. Wish me luck and come back tomorrow to see how I did. 🙂

You Know What Day It Is

Wake up, wake up

Yes indeed. It’s the first of the month once again. And it’s usually when I make a blog post and promise that I’m going to be better at writing more frequently. LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I know that never happens, but I keep leaving this space open so I can keep lying to myself every month. For real. My last blog post was in July. I’m a damn mess.

But hey, I’m still here. It’s a new month and I get to try again.

I had this thought of just doing a brain dump for 20 straight minutes, but trying to do that in the middle of the day doesn’t work out so well. Damn work thinking they can interrupt me with….damn work! I joke, I joke, I kid, I kid. I enjoy my job and the people I work with. Novel idea, right? I actually like my boss. That’s only happened twice before. Now that has me thinking though. I’ve had plenty of bosses, but I’m only going to think about the ones in the corporate settings. *rolls through mental resume*

First, I haven’t had as many jobs as I thought when I take out things that weren’t sitting at a desk. Most likely I’ve had more jobs than most people have in that timeframe (seven in OMG twenty years) but upward mobility is a thing and I used it to make more money. Shoot me.

Anyway, it went like this as far as bosses:

  • Ditz/Insecure wench
  • Person who never even spoke to me
  • Pervert
  • Weirdo/Weirdo/AWESOMESAUCE/Weirdo
  • Super chill/Bitch from hell

The lines that have slashes mean that I had more than one boss in a place due to changing my role within the company. So yeah, if you were my boss and you’re reading this, you can probably figure out where you land. And if your name isn’t Amy, Jane, or Sandy, you aren’t awesomesauce.

I know you aren’t wondering, but this is what living with me is like. Three sentences on one topic before I jump to something completely different and random and wonder why you didn’t make the transition with me. It’s also kinda what being my friend is like too. Except there are also massive amounts of time where I just go missing. I’m still here and I’m probably still checking up on you in some form, I just don’t have the energy for a full-on conversation. So yeah, I’m not an asshole…most of the time…I just need recharge time.

On the topic of time, I never seem to have enough. I know that isn’t actually true because I waste a ton of time. When I switch my mindset, I know that I need to rid myself of or limit my access to time wasters. First stop, motherfucking match 3 games on my phone. I am the worst with those. I tell myself that I’m keeping my brain active. I am lying. That step is done. They are gone. Now I only have one game on my phone and that’s a daily logic puzzle so I actually am keeping my brain active. I swear I need a shock collar to give myself a kick in the ass. I have great plans…..then I get sidetracked with nonsense. That’s the next stop. No more nonsense. I have plans. I have things to do. And I really ought to get them done. They’re even in a list. Eight main items for daily and two side quests to try to achieve a couple times a week.

Does eight tasks a day seem like a lot? I mean, it’s really only one task per hour of a work day. Not that I’m doing them (all) during my work day, but no, the answer is no, it isn’t a lot. What are the things? Fine. You’re not really interested, but they are exercise, yoga, learn to twerk (lol, yes), meditate, stretch, write, read, and a flow toy session. The others are pole, FabPole, and handstands. Yes that’s three but the pole things go together in my book.

And this, my friends, is why I don’t get things written. It’s already 5 o’clock and now I have to run off to do other things like cook dinner. Weeeee! Let’s see if I make it back tomorrow for another round.