2008

ROCO Friday – delayed

And so, since no one rocks out on Monday, but hopefully you get your cock out if you've got one, here's the slightly delayed version.

Last week was wonderfully calm and quiet.  Basically, it consisted of getting my classes all straightened out so that I can graduate with my AA in December rather than February.  Baby steps people. I refuse to be a slave to Corporate America for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

We came to the realization that it's gonna be four more years in Miami, unfortunately (barring lottery wins or other huge piles of money falling on us).  Kiddo has an interview for her magnet school coming up and if she gets in, there's no way I would pull her out before she graduates.  She's been talking about this school since she heard about it and practicing her sketching and such, so I hope that the interview goes well.

A little extra cash in the paycheck this week is an awesome thing.  Too bad it didn't cover the things that broke such as my telephone, the monitor on my laptop, and my eyes.  But, extra cash is extra cash and for that I am thankful.  And yes, I wasted it on a fill for my fake-ass nails (can't have raggedy hands sporting the rock) and a spa pedicure (because if you get your hands done, might as well get the tootsies done too).  Fortunately, a little other will come in soon on top of the income tax check so I'll be able to pay off ALL the credit cards, hooray!  And I'm taking Lovey to dinner over the weekend for Valentine's Day.  He picks the place and drives, I pay.  I wish I could just get him flowers and candy.  😛

Saturday we attended a little shindig for the birthday of Lovey's best friend's wife.  We were in charge of getting everyone into their place while they went out to dinner so we could surprise her.  Good times.  I know now why I try to avoid the camera.  It's because in just about every picture I take, I look hammered whether I am or not.  (and if I am, I look like I got keelhauled, face first)  Take for instance, Exhibit A.  By this time, I had had maybe two drinks.

 

I'm not sure why this happens.  Even when I'm not drinking this happens, evidenced by the group photo at Christmas.  And my glasses make me look old.  I'm okay with that one though.  Can anyone tell me how to fix this?!?!  Ugh, the more I look at that picture the more I dislike it.

Anywho, we had to jet out of the party a little early because I was STARVING!  We got home at close to 2, I believe, at which time I inhaled a half of a cheesesteak.  It was delicious.  The next morning I woke up and I smelled like cheesesteak.  Kinda gross.

 

Today is a day of new journeys.  It's our first day of school and the first class sucks, lol.  Some sort of business garbage that neither I or he have any interest in, but it's only 5 weeks so we suck it up.  It's also day one of a personal journey.  It's personal.

Sending out good vibes for a great remainder of your Monday.  Peace, love and hairgrease!

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This just in – Miami Beach hits all time low

<insert Muppet show, news ticker sound>

Miam E. Shyner here reporting on the truly disgusting things seen here on the beach.  Today's event as relayed by a co-worker.

Co-worker #1 and co-worker #2 were walking down the street less than a block from our office.  At which time they spot a woman and her daughter of about 5 years.  As there is a lot of hustle and bustle on this particular street, they find it odd that these two are standing still.

More odd is that the child is wearing a dress yet has it hiked up to her chest.  More odd still is that she's completely bare assed.  Most odd, and the low point of the day, is that they were standing over one of those grates in the sidewalk similar to one you'd see over a subway and the child was pissing into the drain.

Had I seen this, I may have smacked that lady in the back of the head.  I work here and I have to smell that piss every day.  Find a bathroom pig.

This is Miam E. Shyner reporting to you live from Miami Beach.

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Sight is a beautiful thing

Really.  It is.

I've had better than 20/20 vision for nearly all of my life.  I went to the eye doctor last May and I was fine.  For some reason, though, my eyes went into rapid decline. (I'm not sick, had a full physical, everything's clean.)  So last week, I became eligible to get another eye exam.  I didn't care for the guy I went to in May so I started searching elsewhere.

Lo and behold I found someone that I would give a shot.  And he's great.  My eyes – not so great.  Apparently, I'm nearly blind.  Nearly blind to the point that I'm 34 and I now have progressive lenses.  Bifocals without the lines.  Damn.

I picked up my new glasses yesterday and let me tell you something.  I forgot how wonderful it is to see clearly.  Here's the analogy that best describes it: My eyes without glasses are the analog signal on the TV with bunny ears.  My eyes with glasses are HDTV, baby!  I realize now that we don't need a new TV, I just needed glasses.

Life is good.  And I love my new phone.  I may start taking random pictures with it and posting them if I can ever figure out how to save my Vox address, lol.  Tomorrow's ROCO Friday.  Get your game face on!

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Crap squared times lies divided by stupidity equals DHL

Ha ha, the saga continues.  After much griping to AT&T yesterday, I finally got a supervisor to approve overnight delivery of my phone.  I called them this morning to get the tracking number.  For whatever reason, the rep didn't know if it was overnight or 2 day but that's neither here nor there. I got the number and went to the DH-hell website.

I am not happy when the tracking information looks the same as it did when they lost the package.  So another round of phone calls ensues.  Hi, DHL, could you tell me where my package is?  Another one flat out lies to me.  She said that there was some huge water main break and the fire department was there and a whole bunch of other crap and that everything is delayed.  Now, because I don't believe her, I check all of the websites of the local newspapers and the local TV stations and I see nothing about it.  Then I ask Lovey if he saw anything about it on the news before he left the house.  Negative on all fronts.  So I call again and get someone different.  This one says that there are delays but it should arrive before 3:30 pm.

Time passes.  I keep checking the website.  Hey, it made it to the right facility!  We're making progress!  Hell yeah, it's out for delivery!  It's almost lunch time when I check again.  Now it says that they need "address information" and to contact customer service.  Grrr!

Hi, DHL, your website says that I have to contact you about my package.  Oh yes, well it looks like Cingular/AT&T didn't send the address information and there's no information on the waybill.  Um.  What?  I gave them the address and made sure that they repeated it back to me.  Well, we don't have it.  THEN HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW WHICH TRUCK IT WAS SUPPOSED TO GO ON?!?!?  Lies on top of lies from this place.  DHL guy says to please hold while he gets a supervisor.  Oh, before you go, make sure you let your supervisor know that this package was to be delivered on the first and you lost it the first time so you'd better make sure it gets in my hands today.  DHL sounds a little worried and puts me on hold. 

I am fuming.  I am livid.  I think I almost had a stroke.  They have terrible hold music.  I don't want to be bothered.  Someone walks up behind me at my desk.  It's a guy from the mailroom.  He's holding my package from DHL.  I thought about staying on hold but figured why bother.  Isn't it lovely that they don't even know where their packages are?

All's well that ends well.  I have my new phone.  It works.  It picks up fingerprints like a mofo but I don't care.  But don't, for a second, think that I'm not going to write a scathing letter to those idiots outlining the fact that they're stupid and that they are liars.  I wouldn't ship anything across the street with their company because they'd lose it.

And that's my rant for today. 🙂

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Crap squared

The days since last Thursday have been trying ones indeed. 

Thursday

While the day started off okay, it took a downhill turn.  I got home and a reminder went off on my cell phone that for some reason killed the display.  I called the phone folks and they had me try some things to fix it but it was a no go.  So they transferred me over to the insurance folks to get a replacement. 

I don't quite understand why I pay 5 dollars a month for each of our phones for insurance when, if something happens to the phones, I still have to pay $50 to get a new one.  Whatever.  I'll probably drop the insurance on all the phones and save fifteen bucks.  So they tell me that they're going to send out the phone and I should have it either Friday or Monday.  I can deal with that as it's only the display that's dead and the actual phone part still works.  My phone usage is pretty much limited to family anyways.

Good note: Filed my taxes and am getting a nice chunk of change.

Friday

My head is so clogged that I can't quite rememeber Friday.  I don't think that anything bad happened, but I'll amend this if it did.

Saturday

In the morning, I had to go see a lady about a dog.   I thought that the dog was pretty cool but I wouldn't find out until later if I could have it.  No worries.

I came home to a message on the machine from the Art Institute.  Avoid this place at all costs.  You may recall in a previous post that I had to deal with these boneheads.  Well, here we are a couple months later and I get a call from a new person trying to once again get me to pay this money.  He promptly got a return phone call saying to kiss the crack of my black ass, go talk to the lady that I was dealing with before.  He doesn't like me and I don't care.  These people are the shadiest of the shady.  First lady, of course, is not in the office, so I've got to deal with her on Monday.

Good point: I like red wine.  It doesn't make me fat like beer.  It does give me gas. HAHAHAHAHA!

Another good point: I was able to test out of my stupid classes for school.  More on that in a bit.

Sunday

The Patriots lost.  The Patriots lost.  The Patriots lost.  The Patriots lost.  Did I mention that the Patriots lost and I'm in heaven?  Thank you Plaxico for putting the nail in their coffin.  Sorry that you couldn't get to the ring in the black and gold but happy to see you get one nonetheless.  GOOD DAY!

Monday

Most important: I got my ring back!!  Hooray!  They resized it and it looks awesome and I'm happy to have it back.

Hmmm, let me check the tracking number on my phone.  It looks as though it's sorta out for delivery.  Maybe I'll just call real quick to check.  Hi, DHL, could you tell me where my package is?  This lady had the nerve to tell me it was delayed because of weather.  Do I sound like an idiot?  Do I sound like I've never tracked a package?  Do I sound like I can't go to weather.com and see what the weather is like in Ohio even though your website says that the package is in Florida?  Hmmm, your website says that my package is in Florida.  She says, get this, that the scan is for the truck and not the package.  WHAT?!?!  Okay lady, whatever. 

Call number two to DHL: Hi, DHL, could you tell me where my package is?  New lady says that DHL has two facilities here: one international and one domestic.  Somehow, my package got sent over to the international facility, but fortunately, they were able to "catch it" before it went out.  Where the hell was it going?!?!  Is there a Miami, Florida somewhere overseas that I don't know about?  Okay, whatever.  When is it going to be delivered?  DHL lady says it'll get back to the domestic facility today and go out for delivery tomorrow.  Schweet.  New phone tomorrow.

Now, for those AI bastards.  A call to the same woman gets me nowhere.  She says she has to talk to accounting.  Really?  What have you been doing for the last 2 months?  She says she's gonna do it.  I say okay.  Towards the end of the day I get annoyed that I haven't heard from her since she said she would call back.  I send her an email saying that this has to be resolved today.  Guess what?  No response.  Go figure.

Bah, good school bumps up my AA graduation date since I tested out of classes. Unfortunately that means I have to pay more money out of pocket.  Grrrr.  I'm gonna be poor forever.

Tuesday

Woo hoo!!  New phone day!  Let's see where it is.  Funny, the tracking page is the same as yesterday.  Another call to DHL: Hi, DHL, could you tell me where my package is?  Umm, it appears to be in transit.  Well, golly, thanks for that.  So basically, you're telling me that you don't know where it is?  No, it's in transit.  Uh, yeah, whatever.

Good morning AT&T, look, I know I told you yesterday that DHL sucks but today they suck even more.  They lost my phone.  Please call them.  And nice lady called them.  She said that the idiots would call me before ten to let me know the status of the package and then she'd call me back.  Okay then.

Hi, this is pompous ass from DHL.  We lost your package.  YOU SUCK BALLS! Okay, then can you call AT&T and let them know that?  No, we don't do that.  Can I help you with anything else?  No, but you're gonna need someone to help you remove my foot from your anus.  CLICK!

Hi AT&T, DHL says they lost my phone, can you send me a new one?  Sure, we'll get that out to you in two to three business days.  I'm sorry, how long?  DHL screws up and I have to suffer?  I'm full of fake sincerity when I tell you that I'm sorry but that's just the way it is.  HA!  That might be the way it is with you, but that's not good enough for me.  Supervisor!  I can't even go through how many people I had to talk to and couldn't keep the story straight so I had to re-explain it every time I got someone new.  Give me a supervisor before I shrink myself down, come through the phone and throttle your ass!  Got a supervisor.  She hung up on me.  Um, can you say IRATE?  I wasn't even nasty to her.  Yet.  Called again, had to explain my story, again, at least 3 more times.  I finally got to someone who said that they'd overnight my phone.  Hooray.  It's coming DHL.  GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK PEOPLE!  That phone better show up tomorrow or there's gonna be one very angry black girl storming around.

Hi, first lady from AI, I'd like to talk to you but your phone ONLY rings busy.  I guess I'll have to talk to your boss.  Oh, right, she's not answering her phone either.  Welcome to my nasty voicemail.  You better call me back today or it's ON!  You know what, I don't trust you to call me back so I'm gonna call you again.  Hi, boss lady, it's me.  Are you gonna fix this?  You have to wait for the director of accounting?  Okay, whatever.  Send me an email right this second acknowledging the holdup.

Needless to say, I need a glass of wine and it's only 12:
30.  I'm figuring that things can only get better from here.  Even though I never heard back from the lady about the dog.  Oh well, I guess the dog I have is good enough for now.

I hope that everyone's day is better than mine has been so far.  And oh, by the way, please let me know if you're in my hood and living in Baltimore, Maryland.  Statcounter says someone is visiting from there and the only folks that I know from there don't have the privilege to be privvy to what goes on in my life.  Yes, you.

Have a great day all!

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