yoga

On Meditation

When we last left our superheroine, she was light-headed and falling over in her asanas…

Yesterday morning, I was wrestling with some things in my head which nearly overwhelmed me. I considered not going to yoga at all, but then I realized that not going just wasn’t going to help anything. So, off I went to the gym.

One of two things is going on. Either 1) I am getting better at this or 2) the instructor  was taking it easy on us. I honestly don’t know which it was, but what I do know is that I felt like we were just getting started and it was already time for Shavasana. I am beginning to look forward to and enjoy this class. Sometimes, it is difficult to continue focusing on my breath, but I do my best.

On Monday, as you may remember, meditation was suggested. If you know me, you know that I have a pretty tough time sitting still. This week, I gave up coffee. I’ve been having a lot of Vanilla Rooibos tea. As a result, I am exhausted and one grumpy ass mofo. While I try not to take it out on others, I don’t always succeed. However, I digress.

After class, I was putting away my mat and the instructor asked how I was doing. My honest answer was “meh”. She asked if I had been meditating and I fessed up that I had not, possibly could not, do this. She has more faith in me than I do. She said that I should look into yoga nidra and that I could find downloads on iTunes. “You really should try this. Your body wants to meditate. I can tell.”

I have no idea what kind of silent signals my body is giving off that says I need to meditate or that my body wants to my brain is holding up progress. I do know it gives off that stupid neon sign that says “talk to me” that always blinks brightest when there’s a creepy guy nearby. But, if my body is giving signals that I’m oblivious to but others can see, I will take her word for this for now.

Like a good student, I downloaded the things that my instructor mentioned, and tonight, before bed, I will try to listen to at least ten minutes of them. They’re supposed to help you sleep better. I typically sleep as though someone has hit me in the back of the head with a blunt object so I’m assuming that this may put me into a temporary coma. I’ll let you know. Assuming I wake up tomorrow. Namaste.

Yoga Awakening?

I know, I know. It’s been forever since I last posted. Now that the shaming is out of the way, let’s continue.

This morning, like many mornings, I received an email that told me that I should write 750 words today. But this morning, unlike many mornings, I said to that email, “I WILL write 750 words today…I just need a topic.”  When you ask, the universe provides.

Off I went to the gym for yoga. I stopped to take a picture of yet another of Colorado’s absolutely gorgeous sunrises and made my way.  I’ve been going to yoga on Monday and Friday mornings for about a month now and last week I started throwing in Wednesday mornings as well. While the class is titled ‘Sunrise Yoga’, my inexperienced mind (and Google) say that this falls under Iynegar yoga. I’ve been seeing the same couple of people in the class with a mixture of new folks now and again, and the same instructor.

Sidebar: The first time I went to this class, I really thought I was not going to enjoy it as there were some real sourpusses. I’m glad I hung in there.

This particular morning, I chose to really try to focus on my breathing to ignore any discomfort that was coming from holding poses for quite some time. And this morning, for the first time, I felt extremely light-headed (and I wasn’t returning from an inversion), and immediately after the light-headedness passed, I felt as though I was going to break down into tears. Not one drop hits the mat and I continue, but I’m about to go into full wailing and shaking, breakdown crying.  This.  This was very new to me. After a few minutes, the feeling passed and I continued on with my practice.

At the end of class, after Shavasana, I was taking my time in returning to present and the instructor came over to complement me on my work for the morning. I thanked her and saw this as my opening to have a brief discussion about what had happened in class.  I was (literally) able to corner her in the room where all the mats are to pose my question of what in the world happened to me today?!?!

I started out with, “I have a question for you” to which she immediately responded, “Are you getting light-headed?”  At first, I was shocked that this would’ve been first out of her mouth, but upon further reflection, she *is* an instructor and probably hears things like this often. She talked to me about how sometimes this happens when we’re really using our breath and she said that I am probably like her in that I have the tendency to keep my abdomen tight and engaged which causes ‘reverse breathing‘ and therefore the light-headedness. In regards to the overwhelming emotion out of nowhere, she had a little less to say. She suggested that I meditate and see where I am right now and just to try to work through it. I think that I wanted a little more, but I also can see that portions of this are a personal journey.  At some point today, I hope to find the time to take her advice.

Today’s weather is certainly not a reflection of my day so far.  If anything, it is probably the exact opposite. On my way to yoga, the sun was rising and it was clear. After yoga, a heavy fog had settled in to the point that it was difficult to see more than 10 feet in front of me while driving. However, the thought occurred to me as I type, that maybe this weather is correct. Perhaps this fog that prohibits me from looking around is the exact metaphor for what I need to do, being focus on what is in front of me and give it my full attention as not to miss what is under my nose. These are things upon which to ponder.

Tonight, I close a chapter in my life.  I started pole dancing nearly five years ago and tonight, I walk away from my last class in my home studio. It was a difficult but necessary decision for me. The time has come for me to branch out in different directions in arts that are a little closer to my circus love. As I try to do nothing halfway, I trade my pole for cash, and my cash for an apparatus that will assist me in my next journeys. I am sure my path will be filled with obstacles, I only hope that they are not insurmountable. Stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen. Life begins today.

Shower Dog? Yoga Around The House

Down Shower? Down Shower Dog? Drown Dog? (No, that one sounds pretty bad.) OK, Shower Dog.

What the hell am I talking about? An adapted downward facing dog in the shower. Obviously, regular down dog in the shower isn’t gonna cut it…unless you shower in a snorkel and mask. Personally, I leave those items for the ocean, so being in a position trying to stretch where water can run up my nose (yeah) doesn’t really interest me. Realize that I’m no yogi; I’m a recreational yoga class attendee. When I say class, I mean P90X in the basement. So, I’m sure it’s understandable that perhaps Down Dog isn’t even the most appropriate way to describe this. Perhaps a shower dolphin is better. Let’s just talk about it and you can decide for yourself.

The other day, I ate like an absolute pig. Way too much. As punishment, I was the recipient of a gas bubble that was as hard as a rock, sitting beneath my ample bosom. Ha! I tried to get rid of it by massaging it down, but this sucker was stubborn. It’s like it was just giving me the finger and saying, “Why’d you eat that if you weren’t even hungry?!?!” I decided to take me and my new gas bubble friend to the shower. After just enjoying the hot water for a little bit, I thought that I would try elongating the bubble thinking that maybe it just couldn’t move because it was too big.

Enter Shower Dog.  This would be a lot easier if I just took a picture, but I’m not getting in the shower fully clothed and I can’t see the hubby being thrilled about taking that photo. Anywho, here’s the position: I place my hands on the back wall of the shower, fully extending my arms over my head. Now, I arch pretty hard and move my face and ample bosom (Ha!) towards the back wall as well so that I am getting a lovely shoulder stretch. To take full advantage of the space, I also engage my quads and hammies and think about getting my hammies up against the wall that the shower head is on. Hopefully you can picture this. I held the “pose” for a little bit, released, did it again without the leg engagement, released, did it again with the legs engaged.

You know what’s crazy? It worked. The gas bubble of death moved along its merry way. Bonus that I got some nice stretching in as well. I think I’ll keep doing random, adapted yoga all over the house. Makes it kinda fun. Of course I’ll share all of my fun with you! Thanks for asking, lol.

Sweat Psychology

Some years back, on my first trip to Mexico, I wondered if I could make it there.  You see, my arrival in Mexico was directly on the heels of being in Florida for the previous seven months.  Oddly enough, for Florida, it wasn’t constant heat and humidity as I was closer to central Florida than south.  So, when I stepped off of the bus from the airport and walked through the village to my new home, I was drenched in sweat before I even made it to my room.  I immediately became concerned that I simply wouldn’t be able to make it there for six months if I couldn’t stop sweating for two minutes.  I would literally get out of the shower and start sweating.  It was nuts!

Eventually, I learned to start ignoring the sweat – it didn’t stop – it’s Mexico for Pete’s sake! So unless it was an ungodly hot day, I just soaked it up.

Fast forward a decade and change (OMG, really?!?!), and I’m living in Colorado. I’m working on my fitness and flexibility goals. To this end, I started taking a Bikram yoga class once a week. Now, in order to get the most benefits out of this, my understanding is that I would really need to be going several times a week, but the reality is that I just don’t have that much free time on my hands, so once a week it is.  In case you aren’t familiar with Bikram, it’s a series of 26 poses with breathing exercises between them.  Oh, yeah, and the room is heated to about 104 degrees and pumped full of humidity. With all due respect to Justin Timberlake, Sweat Me A River.

Typically, in my workout world, things are too easy or too boring.  I’m a bit of an extremist I suppose.  Trapeze? Constantly changing, learning new tricks, improving, WIN. Pole? Put my hand there and then put my leg WHERE?!?! It doesn’t get any tougher. P90X? Daily changes kicking my arse. I’ve tried a couple different forms of yoga, and while they did a great job of calming my mind for about 3 minutes, I couldn’t get out of my head because I wasn’t being challenged enough. Enter the Bikram.

For my first class, I went in what I thought would be typical yoga attire: capri pants and a full-length tank top. OMG hot. OMG sweaty.  For the second class, I thought I’d try a different route and I wore shorts and a midriff-baring tank top. OMG hot. OMG even more sweaty?!?!  First class – I made it through. It was tough but I felt pretty good.  Second class – I made it through but it was a struggle.  I’m chalking up the differences to all being in my head.  Why? Well, in the first class, I knew that I must be sweating.  The guy in front of me literally had rivers of sweat running off of him (it was really gross), and while my super powers are strong, I just don’t think I’m that badass.  The clothing – the clothing kept the sweat away from my body, away from my mat, away from my overenthusiastic brain, thus giving it time to concentrate on balancing on my left middle toe while holding my right middle toe behind my head and scratching my nose with my elbow.

Something in my head said, wear less clothing the next time you go, so I did.  For some folks, this might not be an issue, but if you’re me or one of the entities living in my head, this is not the case. Now, I’m fully in my head.  Every move takes forever. I can not only see the sweat running off of me and pooling in a disgusting circle at my feet, I can feel it.  Everywhere. It’s horrid. I’m trying to towel off constantly. As such, my focus is in the complete wrong place. I’m not enjoying my practice; I’m not in the proper positions; I’m not receiving all there is to receive.

So what is this psychology of sweat?  There have been studies done about seeing the temperature and reacting accordingly.  Here’s a story about another time I was crazy sweaty.  I don’t like to sweat or be sweaty.  I’m no dummy; I know that it’s a part of life and a part of living, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it.  I’m coming to the conclusion that out of sight, out of mind means more to me than I originally thought.  If I can’t see those cookies (which is why we have a cabinet full of junk that I forget about), then I won’t eat them.  If I can’t see that unopened bottle of wine (or 4) on the counter, I won’t open them and imbibe. If I can’t see that I’m a sweaty mess, I’ll keep pushing hard until the class is over.  Having a preoccupation with something, anything else seems to make almost anything an attainable goal.  Perhaps this is also why I like to keep a million things on my plate at once.  Do they all get done?  Hell no.  But I also don’t spend a ridiculous amount of time worrying about what’s on the plate.  I just pick something to handle and handle it. 

What about you? Do you join me in overthinking? Or are you one of the lucky without this affliction?

Anonymous Letter

Dear Hip:

Our relationship is rapidly deteriorating. I want to like you, but you are making it very difficult. Maybe it isn’t you specifically, but it’s in your house. I stretch you on a very regular basis and how do you repay me? With even more pain?!? You’re a jerk. Sure, I must have done something to make you angry, at some point, some time ago, but why must you hold a grudge? Now everything around you must suffer with the dreaded foam roller to attempt to reach the real issue that’s hiding deep inside of a yucky piriformis and more than likely a bursa that’s getting squished. But, I refuse to give in to you, hip! You will get rolled and adjusted and you’ll get physical therapy because the mind is stronger than you, hip! You cannot win! Surrender!

Kind regards,

The One Who Is In Pain

Anywho, here’s your P90X 2 recap: Wednesday was Total Body and Ab Ripper X. Lots of core and shoulders, which is perfect as far as I’m concerned, for stronger poling.  It is just SO MUCH DIFFERENT than P90X. In the first one, Tony just threw you in there and tried to kill you on day one. This time, he’s easing you in. Much better, Tony. It’s giving me the opportunity to get the workout done and feel good about it while still leaving me lots of room to push myself harder, stretch myself deeper. Foam roller, baby.

Today, Friday, is Yoga X. Also scaled back from the first series. A mere 66 minutes, which is much better than the near 90 in the first. I found that it starts off pretty yoga heavy but ends up more stretchy conditioning. Now, I realize that yoga IS stretchy conditioning, but he throws in a lot of things that I’ve not seen in a yoga class, so I don’t really consider them yoga. BUT, I’m no yogi so I don’t know for sure. I know that I  like it.

We are coming down to crunch time. The showcase is in a mere 8 days and I really need to get to work. I have a song and I have a few moves that I know that I consistently get into without looking like an elephant with a broken leg. I just need to put them together and find some transitions. I am a lot less stressed about the showcase this time as compared to last time. Perhaps that means that I’m getting (re)accustomed to being “on stage”. Oh, the Club Med years.

So, it looks like a good bit of pole work on Saturday. Teaching/supervising a pole party on Sunday. Fun! Welcome to my addiction, ladies! Teaching a different class rather than my usual Level 2 these days. Switched on over to teaching a mixed level/spin pole class on Monday nights. Aaaaaand, in a few weeks after that, I’ll be teaching a more choreographed, one and a half minute routine type of class. That’s gonna be fun. Grab you glasses and shake your asses!

It’s Friday, tricks! Go out and get some! But be safe. Have a great weekend!