All Good Things Must Come To An End

I knew that when I was writing the Cozumel recap, I should’ve done the last day as well, but I didn’t and now it’s a day late, but that’s ok as yesterday was oh so long. I won’t be doing a recap of the travel day because that’s just boring.

Last day on the ship seems like the day that everyone tries to do everything, us included. Ok, maybe not everything. It was quite a leisurely day. We laid around on pool chairs, listening to the band and then had some BBQ they were making outside on the deck. Went to bingo and won absolutely nothing (thankfully not another cruise on Royal and I don’t have to go there any more).

FlowRider FailThe highlight of the day was getting out and trying the FlowRider. Now we all know that water activities and I are not friends. However, Lovey wanted
to try this so I acquiesced. That is me falling down. I did manage to stand up for a few seconds, however, my cameraman didn’t get that on digital media. I, on the other hand, got an entire video of him on it. Three times I got up. Three times I feel. Three times that damn horny FlowRider pulled my bathing suit bottom and shorts nearly all the way off.

We had booked a private lesson because there was no way I was going to humiliate myself in front of the crowd that always gathers to watch people bust their asses on this thing. They call private four people, but I was okay with that. So, it was Lovey and me along with Phillip who works on the oil rigs and said he saw the ships go by all of the time and wanted to be on one, and Mariah, a teenager from Houston. We all worked well together and had a blast. And we only had Phil’s wife and Mariah’s mom and grandparents (maybe, I couldn’t quite catch the family dynamic on that one) to see us fall all over the place.

In the awwwww department,  towards the end of the session, Mariah, who is a little on the overweight side, some still baby fat I think, but plenty of time to work it out, came to me and said, “Can I ask you a question?” all super shy. Of course you can, there Mariah. And her question: Do you work out? 😀

Yes, dear, I do. Nearly every day. I wish I could stay bikini ready without working out, but I’m 40 and shit starts to fall apart as you get older. I shoulda figured out how to do long distance personal training for her. She’s a beautiful girl and taking some weight off would probably help her realize her own beauty since kids these days are total dicks and I wouldn’t doubt that she gets teased back at home. You kids need to cut the shit because one day it’s gonna come back to get you. Karma boomerang kids!

Anywho, thanks to our phones, we can see how many steps we took every day. For the week, we walked just over 53 miles. How crazy is that? Squats? I don’t need no stinking squats! I am pretty sure my ass lifted up a bit just from walking up four decks to eat and then down four to the room and then up four to the pool and up two more to the FlowRider. We almost never took the elevators, even on formal nights. When we got up to 11 from 3 one day, there was a crew member there and he asked if we were tired. We told him that we took the stairs from 3. 3?!?! he said. Yes, 3. He told us we were crazy and he wouldn’t ever do it, lol.

And that, my friends, is the week in review. I hope you enjoyed reading about it. Go on a cruise. It’s a good time. I’d just recommend Carnival. 🙂


Day Five Adventures in Belize

Ahhh, Belize. You beautiful third world country, you. I’m really not saying that as a dig, our tour guide said that they’re considered a third world country. It’s possible to see the truth in the statement as you move around, but it’s more fun to see all of the neat stuff that they have instead. Like mangoes. I think they said 100 varieties. So super awesome.

Belize City was the only place we were going to do an excursion (since in Cozumel, we can just walk around and do what we do), but we didn’t want it to be all day long. We chose A Tale Of Two Cities which showed the highlights of Belize City as well as a trip to Altun Ha. How beautiful and peaceful it was at Altun Ha. We walked and walked and walked, just taking it all in. We climbed up to the top of one of the structures for an even more spectacular view. Altun Ha is in some way related to or structured after the Pyramid of the Sun and the Moon, so this completed the circle since I had visited the latter when I was in Mexico City.

As with most places when you’re on vacation, the locals are trying to sell their wares. The tour guide had made mention of a blackberry wine and I absolutely knew that I was going to need to, at the very least, taste some of that. After we finished with our photos and were heading back towards the bus, we decided to see what there was. We got to taste three kinds of wine that they made there: a flower wine (which taste a lot like dandelion did), the blackberry, and a cashew wine. The cashew one was pretty strong. It’s said that on super hot days, it will sorta ferment in your stomach and get you drunk a second time. It was not hot enough, nor was I brave enough to consider giving that a shot. The nice gentleman who sold us the wine was also kind enough to offer us weed, and when we declined that, thought maybe we were a little more hardcore so offered us some coke instead. Umm, thanks, but no thanks, dude. If I decide that I’m going to ingest some illegal substance into my body, I sure as hell ain’t gonna do it in a foreign country where I’ve gotten it from some dude I’ve never met before. Is this what the 80s were like in New York? Total madness.

The kid in the next booth over didn’t really care if we actually purchased anything. His main focus was Lovey’s Miami Heat hat. The kid wanted to trade SO badly. Even though the hat was full of sweat, the kid was over the moon to get it and it only cost him the necklace I was eyeballing. Mmmm, turquoise. You’re so pretty. Also, guess I need to replace that hat for Lovey.

Before getting back on the ship, we stopped for some lunch at a tiny place called the Smoky Mermaid. I had a lemon butter red snapper that was the best piece of fish I’ve had in another country. While we were eating, we met an older couple that we want to adopt us so we can go travel with them. They were telling us that this was the second of their back-to-back cruises and that they had ALSO just recently done an overseas cruise. Ahh, to be retired with what appears to be a heck of a dispensible income.

Back on the ship, we had Izumi, the sushi place, for dinner. Man, they never fail to be awesome. From the awesome rolls to the perfect miso, it’s just fantastic. We called it a somewhat early  night after being bummed out by Lebron and his cramped up ass not leading the Heat to victory and because tomorrow, I return to the motherland. Mexico. Hasta luego.

The Downhill Slide To The End

Hello, Roatan. I missed your SalvaVida. Such a lovely beer you are.

We really slacked hardcore in Roatan. We didn’t leave the port although we did get off the ship, because, how else am I gonna get a SalvaVida?!? Yeah, I feel a little bad about making it all the way back to Honduras and not really going out and seeing anything, but man was it nice with practically no one on the ship.

There’s no segue here. In the land of perfume, I had phases that I went through. Avon perfume, cheap stuff, and I got into a Donna Karan Cashmere phase as well. The latest perfume I’ve fallen in love with is Gucci Guilty. Not all perfumes work well with my personal chemistry, but this one, yum. For that, I got off the ship. I was quite happy to find it for quite a bit less than I’ve seen it anywhere else and I shall now live in it and it shall be my signature smell. Huzzah. And that was our trip to Honduras.

I mentioned yesterday, on our actual anniversary, that it was our anniversary. During sail-away, we crushed the bottle of champagne we won on the first day. Happy anniversary to us!

Since I’ve talked about it every other day, yesterday was another day of lots of walking. I finished the day at right around nine miles. It’s madness the amount we’re walking!

Ok, that’s it for yesterday. Tomorrow I’ll tell you of today’s adventures. J

On The Third Day, There Was Rain

Another sea day, folks. First things first, it’s our anniversary. Four years. J  Secondly, lemon cookies. They’re awesome. Onward.

Yesterday we got a good bit of rain but it was still warm. I am still trying to stay away from wet decks so I don’t take another spill. The amount of walking we’ve been doing is slowly declining. I think we only did 5 miles yesterday as opposed to the nearly 10 the first day. I think that we’ll get those numbers back up in Belize though.

On that exercise type note, I got a body composition analysis done. It was kinda neat – the printout they give you, that is, the actual procedure is just like standing on a scale and holding handlebars. The bottom line of it is that I’m not retaining too much water, I need 1358 calories a day, and my body will give up 6 pounds of fat which should come from my legs and I need to go back to doing legs or running or something. No wonder I can’t hold my legs up in iron X……6 extra pounds.

And speaking of feats of wonder, we went to the ice show. The actual space for skating isn’t overly large so double axels were the biggest tricks that were thrown. But hey, it’s not like I can do one. It was still fun to see and then all of a sudden, it got awesome. There was a couple that came out and did German Wheel. Did you hear me? They did German Wheel. On. The. Ice. Yup, super impressive.

We signed up for lessons on the FlowRider. You’ll have to wait until tomorrow to hear about that disaster. I’m just hoping to not injure myself. You’ll probably hear me screaming from where you are. Sometimes I wonder why I torture myself with these water activities. My rational, conscious mind keeps me out of the water for the most part because my irrational subconscious is ALWAYS trying to get me to jump in like I wouldn’t sink and die. Stupid brain.

Lastly, and most importantly, we went to Sabor last night. Yes, as a matter of fact, it was slap yo mamma delicious. Guacamole was made tableside for us. The queso fundido was sloppily delicious, and the tuna crudo, OMG so good.

Breaking It Down On Day 2

Welcome back aboard the Navigator of the Seas. I’m your cruise director and here’s a wrapup of yesterday’s activities.

Fresh squeezed orange juice. Do you know how much I absolutely HATED it when someone ordered this when I was bartending in Sandpiper? With every fiber of my being is the answer and yet, I’m an asshole and I order it every morning because it’s included in my drink package and I have to have at least $20 a day in OJ and bubble water and bottles of water and Starbucks to make this worth it. I’m doing ok so far, I believe. I’m going to have to try waiting in line for them to make my eggs as I wasn’t in love with the scrambled. But who am I kidding, I’m an egg snob and I like them to taste the way they do when I make them, lol. This is why I want to have a breakfast restaurant. All breakfast, all the time. Eggs, and bacon and hash browns and waffles and p-cakes (Ant shoutout) and French toast and grits and oatmeal. Man, I love breakfast. Anywho…

I had been reading up on people’s reviews of the ship and any little secrets I could find out before we came on board. Through this reading up I found a Facebook group and another group and found out that there would be a get-together here on the ship with RAFFLE PRIZES. Yeah, I’m all about getting something for free, even if it’s just the chance for free stuff. Off we went at party time to check out a part of the ship that we hadn’t yet seen. Cute little nightclub area. We dropped in out raffle tickets and had some punch. Some neat little stuff that was given away – mostly all RC branded stuff, but that’s to be expected. Hats, visors, shoulder bags, beach bags, a diamond pendant(!), and the thing I wanted the most, a bottle of champagne. Won it!

Rained quite a bit yesterday and I managed to not fall down any stairs so I call that a win. The show was one of the best I’ve seen on an RCCL ship. Really funny guy who did an Elton John show complete with flamboyant outfits. On that entertainment point, I was certainly spoiled by Club Med. My expectations are high which leaves me disappointed almost every time. Not by this guy though, and not by the comedian during his adult late night show. Funny guy also.

Still rocking out my vegetable love. Probably a little heavy on the potatoes, but they make them so many ways and they’ve all been good. And I just love potatoes. I cannot help myself.

I think that the best part of the night was checking out the outfits on the dance floor in the nightclub. It was formal night and, while some folks get dressed for their pictures and then go change (like us), some folks just stay dressed all night. This was the case with Captain Fly Katt Williams Wannabe Without The Hair. Brother man was rocking out his cobalt blue pants with his matching blue and white striped shirt AND his matching blue fedora. He’s gotta be 60, easy. And let me tell you, when Flo Rida says low, low, low, low, low, low, low, that is where Captain went. I should’ve videotaped it. It was awesome.

We’re still out on the water for another day. There are certainly some fun things coming up in the next few days. You’re gonna want to stay tuned. Until tomorrow.