Adventures in Baseball


Since we’ve been out here in Colorado, I do believe that we’ve made it to at least one game of each Pirates/Rockies series. This year was no different. It took a while to decide which game to attend since there was a 4 game series this time. Originally, I considered Wednesday evening AND Thursday afternoon, but then I changed jobs and didn’t have the ability to take the day off on Thursday. Sad face. BUT, it became a no-brainer when I found out that the Batman was pitching on Monday.

After the first tough decision comes the second of where to sit. Typically, at most games, I would sit along the first base line because that’s where most of the action is, but since it’s been all away games when we go (Pirates and Marlins), we’ve taken to sitting on the third base side. I contemplate switching it up and then I can’t bring myself to sit on the home team’s side. StubHub has been, and remains, my go to for tickets to almost anything. When I logged in there and found some club seats for $16 (!) each, I knew we had a winner.

As is typical for Coors Field, or any baseball field/stadium for that matter, food and drinks are overpriced and not as tasty as you want them to be. Expected. As is typical for an away Pittsburgh game, there were plenty of Pittsburgh fans to be seen, repping the city. We had some behind us, some in front of us, some to the right (we were on the aisle) and even the usher at the top of the stairs was a Pirates fan even though he’s lived in Denver for the last 50 years (which likely meant he’d been somewhere else for at least 20, but more on him in a minute).

The game itself was pretty spectacular. A lot of action and not much of it negative. Happy to see AJ in person one last time before he hangs up the cleats. ICYMI, Pirates won it 9-3. Remember that usher (his name is Carl)? Once on a trip back from the restroom, Carl wanted to chat me up. Ok, I can deal, it’s a Burgh thing. Yeah, until he calls me over and wants to stroke my arm in a totally creeper way. Dude! Pretty sure I managed not to flinch. He’s harmless. It was just unexpected. And weird. And a little yucky. But I survived.

Downtown Denver after dark. I don’t dig it. I’ve done my fair share of downtowns after dark: Pittsburgh, Miami, New York, but Denver actually leads the scary list. Yes, over New York. As Lovey and I were walking back to the car, well, there was plenty of blog fodder, but I’ll keep it to this:

We’re walking down the sidewalk and we’re approaching a group of five young men (and I use that term VERY loosely) sitting on a wall that we have to pass. I move a little closer to the edge of the sidewalk toward the street as I was a step or two ahead of Lovey. We gave each other the eye, confirming we were both aware and prepared for any bullshit in 3-2-1-now. As I’m passing, one of them screams, literally screams at me, “HEY!” Now, first of all, I’m no stranger to people with penises not knowing how to speak to people with vaginas. But really? Trying to scare the shit of someone isn’t the best way to try to grab their attention. Besides, it’s so disrespectful. Holla holla holla holla holla holla holla.

After this penis person’s “greeting”, I whipped my head around and gave him the most evil eye I could muster. Somehow, it wasn’t until the evil eye was thrown that Penis Yeller put two and two together that Lovey and I were together. Congrats, genius. And now that you know you have no chance (but really, you NEVER had a chance. NEVER. Because I’m way past the point that someone sitting on a wall with his boys at 10 at night might be of interest to me. 20 years past. But anyway) of getting anything beyond said evil eye from me, you turn your focus to Lovey. And you have the audacity (and maybe you know what that word means), to tell Lovey that “You better keep an eye on your girl *spoken loudly*, because I’m out here *spoken softly*” LOL!! I’m not gonna call you out your name here, but son, you done lost your motherfucking mind. Both Lovey and I know that I don’t need to be “kept an eye on” because I can handle my shit. And yeah, you’re out here. Out here not doing one damn thing. Oh Penis People, you never cease to amaze and astound me.

And that, my friends, is a night in Denver. Where even in the club seats at Coors Field, a mouse will run across your foot. Peace!


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