The End. The Beginning.

I am dense. There’s no getting around it. I’m not good at taking hints. Bluntness/being direct is the way to get my attention and hold it. I have literally had to have friends point out when I was being hit on. Perhaps I live within my own little bubble. I’m good with that.

That all being said, I suppose that even the universe needs to be a little more blunt with me. Of course, I didn’t see it at the time, but now I do. The universe put a sign in front of me that said ‘this is neither the time nor the place’ and I ignored it. The universe doesn’t give up easily, so when I ignored that sign, it showed me another. This too, I ignored. I think that in total, I may have received five hints/nudges from the universe to wait, but did I heed those hints? No. Of course not. I plowed straight ahead like a bull in a China store because that is how I typically do things. Now, I’m dealing with my own internal fallout from that poorly made decision. Wrestling with being disappointed with myself and not projecting it onto others, even though when it comes right down to it, because that’s how my mind works, I could always find something snarkyrific to say that would still hold truth. Alas, I need to let it go, much like, I suppose, the song from Frozen (that I have not seen and likely will not see). So hum shanti.

Letting it go, can you believe that tomorrow is July? Half of the year is gone. I feel certain that it was just a month ago that it was Thanksgiving. And yet, here we are, a mere four and a half months away from Thanksgiving again. I’m starting to believe that whole thing about the older you get, the faster time goes.

I’m pretty much expecting July to fly by just like the rest of this year has so far. I have two goals for July which are to write every day since I have about 20 days of subjects for that, and then to complete everything on my calendar for the month. If ssuccessful, I end the month with 31 blog posts, 27 days of cardio, 13 yoga classes, 8 strength training days, 8 deep stretching sessions, 4 days at the rig, 3 video golf lessons, 2 days at the driving range, 2 days at the shooting range, 7 Zumba classes, 4 pole classes, 1 open house at the rig, 2 nights in Crested (!), and (hopefully) 1 time to #RTJR (raise the Jolly Roger) at Coors Field. Too busy? Maybe.

And still with all of that going on, I’m still putting it out there to you, universe. The 5 year plan. You know what it is. I’m going to do my part. I’m starting today, universe. Ok, I actually started yesterday, but it has begun. I believe that the 5 year plan will fall into place.  The last time I put something out there, I didn’t put a timeframe on it, but it still happened. I know this will too. I know because this is the way I roll with my life. Do I realize that I will need to really plan for later? Of course I do. Do I feel that is right his moment? Past the 5 year plan? No. Let’s get to that and see where we go from there. So hum prana.

And with that, I think I shall go softly into this good Monday. Relaxed and refreshed. Awake and aware. Listo. Hep.


Summer Polestice

Ok, ok, so I’m a few days late with it. On the actual summer polestice, I was shoving bacon down my piehole like there was no tomorrow. There was so much tasty stuff at the Blue Ribbon Bacon Festival that, at times, it was difficult to make choices since I couldn’t eat everything. I did find that since I’ve been trying to eat better, greasy items were not appetizing to me. One bite and I either didn’t want any more or I wanted to spit it out. I mean, it’s bacon, it certainly can be greasy, but it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes being healthy is no fun.

On the topic of pole, an item that has been on the bucket list that I don’t really have is to submit for a competition. I did it, since now I can attempt to play with the big kids, aka the Master’s division, aka the over 40s. I won’t know for another couple of weeks if I’m actually going to be in the competition. Like some other folks I know, and probably some I don’t, I go back and forth between ‘I hope and get in’ and ‘OMG what did I do, please gawd no!’ These two sides are fighting it out on a near daily basis in my head. The yes side has a song picked out; the no side is thinking about how much more trapeze I can do. The yes side keeps me stretching and doing cardio; the no side said ‘have a cinnamon roll’. So I’ll keep fighting it out internally for a few weeks until one side wins, and by wins, I mean I get an email saying I’m in or I’m not (assuming you get ‘hey, you suck’ emails, lol).

Footnote: I’m certain that no one will get an email saying, hey you suck. I’m just goofing. There may be letters of ‘not this year, try again next year’ or something else that will soften the blow. The pole world is really supportive and encouraging.

Having been off the pole for a while, I’m making my way back to some semi-advanced tricks. Stuff that was escaping me in my previous pole life. I had the absolute toughest time getting into Superman then. The first time I needed to do it recently, boom, there it was like it hadn’t been the bane of my existence for a long time. Imagine that. Other fun stuff I learned that I can do include sitting up out of both an iguana mount and a brass monkey, fun shoulder mount holds, shoulder mount to brass monkey(!), and handstand press-ups with both hands on the floor and with one on the floor, one on the pole. These things are exciting to me and make me wonder what else I can get my body to do. Russian split? Maybe. I mean, I understand the positioning, it’s just a matter of whether or not my legs are going to cooperate. I think with the stretching on the regular, I might just get there, torn labrum be damned.

I’m keeping it realistic here and I’m completely open and prepared for the no option to be a reality. With that in mind, I’m thinking about what, if anything, I want to accomplish at the rig this year. I really should work on returning to the board and not being such a chickenshit. It would help me in being lazy and not having to climb the ladder so damn much. I need to solidify my split and maybe see if a whip can be in my arsenal. My layout is in a fairly sweet spot, so I guess I should start taking it across. Hell, I should start taking any/everything across since I haven’t done any of that since at least last season. Perhaps some twisty or flippy tricks will show themselves this year. Could this be the year the forward over returns? Duhn, duhn DUHN!!! If I could whip, I could flexus, right? Yes, right. Only positive vibes. Let’s see how much of this positivity I have tomorrow morning after T25 (I hate you, cardio, but I love you because you’re the only thing that makes me skinny) and yoga. Positive thoughts, y’all!

These are my not-so-random thoughts this fine Tuesday morning. Those plus ‘write a damn book already!’ are my thoughts. Baby steps will get me there. Wish me luck. See you tomorrow…maybe.

All Good Things Must Come To An End

I knew that when I was writing the Cozumel recap, I should’ve done the last day as well, but I didn’t and now it’s a day late, but that’s ok as yesterday was oh so long. I won’t be doing a recap of the travel day because that’s just boring.

Last day on the ship seems like the day that everyone tries to do everything, us included. Ok, maybe not everything. It was quite a leisurely day. We laid around on pool chairs, listening to the band and then had some BBQ they were making outside on the deck. Went to bingo and won absolutely nothing (thankfully not another cruise on Royal and I don’t have to go there any more).

FlowRider FailThe highlight of the day was getting out and trying the FlowRider. Now we all know that water activities and I are not friends. However, Lovey wanted
to try this so I acquiesced. That is me falling down. I did manage to stand up for a few seconds, however, my cameraman didn’t get that on digital media. I, on the other hand, got an entire video of him on it. Three times I got up. Three times I feel. Three times that damn horny FlowRider pulled my bathing suit bottom and shorts nearly all the way off.

We had booked a private lesson because there was no way I was going to humiliate myself in front of the crowd that always gathers to watch people bust their asses on this thing. They call private four people, but I was okay with that. So, it was Lovey and me along with Phillip who works on the oil rigs and said he saw the ships go by all of the time and wanted to be on one, and Mariah, a teenager from Houston. We all worked well together and had a blast. And we only had Phil’s wife and Mariah’s mom and grandparents (maybe, I couldn’t quite catch the family dynamic on that one) to see us fall all over the place.

In the awwwww department,  towards the end of the session, Mariah, who is a little on the overweight side, some still baby fat I think, but plenty of time to work it out, came to me and said, “Can I ask you a question?” all super shy. Of course you can, there Mariah. And her question: Do you work out? 😀

Yes, dear, I do. Nearly every day. I wish I could stay bikini ready without working out, but I’m 40 and shit starts to fall apart as you get older. I shoulda figured out how to do long distance personal training for her. She’s a beautiful girl and taking some weight off would probably help her realize her own beauty since kids these days are total dicks and I wouldn’t doubt that she gets teased back at home. You kids need to cut the shit because one day it’s gonna come back to get you. Karma boomerang kids!

Anywho, thanks to our phones, we can see how many steps we took every day. For the week, we walked just over 53 miles. How crazy is that? Squats? I don’t need no stinking squats! I am pretty sure my ass lifted up a bit just from walking up four decks to eat and then down four to the room and then up four to the pool and up two more to the FlowRider. We almost never took the elevators, even on formal nights. When we got up to 11 from 3 one day, there was a crew member there and he asked if we were tired. We told him that we took the stairs from 3. 3?!?! he said. Yes, 3. He told us we were crazy and he wouldn’t ever do it, lol.

And that, my friends, is the week in review. I hope you enjoyed reading about it. Go on a cruise. It’s a good time. I’d just recommend Carnival. 🙂


Day Six At Home

Home sweet home. It’s the day I’ve been looking forward to for the entire trip. We made it to Cozumel. If this is the first post you’ve read of everything on this blog, I love Mexico. If you’ve been here before, you already know that my love of the country, its people, and its cuisine runs deep. In our super long-term agenda, we’re living in Mexico. I need to better my Spanish though.
Anywho, we chose not to do any excursions in Cozumel as we really just wanted to walk around and just enjoy it. We thought we might walk all the way to the other pier/downtown, however, my legs said something along the lines of, “Bitch, get in a taxi” after about the first mile. (I neglected to mention in yesterday’s recap that I somehow halfway blew out my quad while climbing the stairs at Altun Ha. When I woke up in Cozumel, my leg was pretty angry.) Nevertheless, I wasn’t going to allow a little discomfort to keep me from soaking up a touch of my heart. While we were walking, we saw the craziest sight. There was a man, he was driving a scooter. Behind him sat a woman that I suppose was his wife. And…standing in between them on the scooter seat was a child. Couldn’t have been more than about 5. Can you imagine the uproar that would happen in the US? At least in this day and age. When I was growing up, assholes weren’t so tight you could barely fart out of them.
On taxi ride number one, of course, Lovey engaged the driver in conversation. I could only follow some of it since I really need to practice. We got dropped off down in the center of the tourist shopping trap. The plan was to walk around and try to find a bakery. We got half of that done. Even when we asked where the closest bakery was, folks were just not sure. We walked some side streets, away from the “come into my shop” folks. Don’t get me wrong, I know that they have a job to do and they’re just doing it, but I think they’d get more business without the hard sell. Gimme a ‘welcome to Cozumel’ with a smile and a wave and I’m much less put off and maybe I’ll venture in to look around. With the hard sell, I’m not coming in. Period.
It was pretty warm (hot) yesterday so after that walking, I certainly needed something to quench my thirst. Enter Senor Frogs. Of course I know that it’s the most touristy of the tourist stuff, but it just makes me smile because of Ixtapa. We got there before the majority of the cruise ship folks, so we had an opportunity to really chat with our waiter. We talked about living there and he said that a lot of Americans had moved there. Good places and bad places, just like anywhere. It’s grounding, to me, to be there, if only for a few hours. Taxi ride two included talk about the current weather and a few hurricanes that had hit the area. One hit and our driver said that they had no light and no windows. It was quite some time ago as he said that he and his wife and their first child were trying to work it out at that time, and he was a little on the older side.
We did a little shopping where a picked up some earrings, and of course, some Steelers gear because, according to the gentleman we were chatting with, Mexicans love the Steelers, the Cowboys, and for some reason, the Chiefs. I really can’t wait to get everything into place. It’s about a ten year plan, I do believe.
Best. Day. Of the cruise.

Day Five Adventures in Belize

Ahhh, Belize. You beautiful third world country, you. I’m really not saying that as a dig, our tour guide said that they’re considered a third world country. It’s possible to see the truth in the statement as you move around, but it’s more fun to see all of the neat stuff that they have instead. Like mangoes. I think they said 100 varieties. So super awesome.

Belize City was the only place we were going to do an excursion (since in Cozumel, we can just walk around and do what we do), but we didn’t want it to be all day long. We chose A Tale Of Two Cities which showed the highlights of Belize City as well as a trip to Altun Ha. How beautiful and peaceful it was at Altun Ha. We walked and walked and walked, just taking it all in. We climbed up to the top of one of the structures for an even more spectacular view. Altun Ha is in some way related to or structured after the Pyramid of the Sun and the Moon, so this completed the circle since I had visited the latter when I was in Mexico City.

As with most places when you’re on vacation, the locals are trying to sell their wares. The tour guide had made mention of a blackberry wine and I absolutely knew that I was going to need to, at the very least, taste some of that. After we finished with our photos and were heading back towards the bus, we decided to see what there was. We got to taste three kinds of wine that they made there: a flower wine (which taste a lot like dandelion did), the blackberry, and a cashew wine. The cashew one was pretty strong. It’s said that on super hot days, it will sorta ferment in your stomach and get you drunk a second time. It was not hot enough, nor was I brave enough to consider giving that a shot. The nice gentleman who sold us the wine was also kind enough to offer us weed, and when we declined that, thought maybe we were a little more hardcore so offered us some coke instead. Umm, thanks, but no thanks, dude. If I decide that I’m going to ingest some illegal substance into my body, I sure as hell ain’t gonna do it in a foreign country where I’ve gotten it from some dude I’ve never met before. Is this what the 80s were like in New York? Total madness.

The kid in the next booth over didn’t really care if we actually purchased anything. His main focus was Lovey’s Miami Heat hat. The kid wanted to trade SO badly. Even though the hat was full of sweat, the kid was over the moon to get it and it only cost him the necklace I was eyeballing. Mmmm, turquoise. You’re so pretty. Also, guess I need to replace that hat for Lovey.

Before getting back on the ship, we stopped for some lunch at a tiny place called the Smoky Mermaid. I had a lemon butter red snapper that was the best piece of fish I’ve had in another country. While we were eating, we met an older couple that we want to adopt us so we can go travel with them. They were telling us that this was the second of their back-to-back cruises and that they had ALSO just recently done an overseas cruise. Ahh, to be retired with what appears to be a heck of a dispensible income.

Back on the ship, we had Izumi, the sushi place, for dinner. Man, they never fail to be awesome. From the awesome rolls to the perfect miso, it’s just fantastic. We called it a somewhat early  night after being bummed out by Lebron and his cramped up ass not leading the Heat to victory and because tomorrow, I return to the motherland. Mexico. Hasta luego.