I Got A Guy or IGAG

If you’re from New York (and I’m sure some other places), you’ve probably heard and/or used the phrase “I got a guy”. If you aren’t familiar with the phrase, it’s basically like saying, “Don’t call that expensive contractor because I know someone who will get the job done for you for way less.”

Now, in NY, I believe that this system works. Here in Miami, however, if someone tells you they’ve got a guy, RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction. That contractor might cost you an arm and a leg, but in the long run, it will be worth it. Let it be known that when we move and my name is on the mortgage/deed, we will not play IGAG.

We’ve been playing IGAG in the house for sooooo long and more often than not, it’s been a mess. First it was IGAG for painting the house. I understand that painting a house is a big project, but these people took FOREVER to get it done!! Oh yeah, and they got crap all over my kitchen window that they didn’t bother to clean.

Next round of IGAG puts up the privacy fence around the house. At least a month to get that one done. The fence is still standing though. *knocking on wood, but not the fence*

After the first two rounds of IGAG outside, I was hesitant to play IGAG inside, but again, it wasn’t my decision. First stop, the downstairs bathroom. We had been using it more or less as storage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have a second bathroom as no one ever has to rush out of one. And sure, the light fixture is nice and the new toilet is fantastic. But seriously, if you have to fix the toilet less than 2 weeks after it’s been installed, you’ve been IGAG’ed. *sigh*

Our kitchen was a little outdated..still is to be perfectly honest, but we got a little upgrade. Drop ceilings with new ceiling tiles. New sinkage. New fridge, although that’s just because the old one died. We even have track lighting in there now. Don’t get too happy about it though, because less than 2 weeks after it finally got finished, I went into the kitchen and turned the light on and got nothing. IGAG’ed again. No, it wasn’t the breaker or the bulbs, just something the guy screwed up. Oh, and he moved to Naples or Tampa or something, so we’ve been without an overhead light for MONTHS!

It seems obvious that we might have learned our lesson by now, but guess again.

The house is old and doesn’t have central air. This is fine by me because I hate the air conditioner anyway. Well, we have heard from a reliable source that once the A/C gets installed, our electric bill should go way down. I swear to you that this installation process started two months ago. And yes, we’ve been IGAG’ed again.

The first time the guy came, he didn’t have the right stuff. Then he couldn’t do it the way he planned. So he left the wrong stuff in my living room where it sat. And sat. And sat. He eventually returned and did one part of the job. Then it sat for a few weeks. Yesterday he returned to “finish”. Needless to say, he didn’t. He did, however, come in with his partner, make a complete mess of the house (I was dusting and mopping the floor after 10 last night), stink up the house (I know it’s hot and all, but dude(!) take a shower!), and the biggest insult was that he used our bathroom. He used our bathroom and missed. Thanks dude. Now I have to mop a stranger’s piss at 10pm. I suppose it’s better than having the bathroom stink, but have a little common courtesy you fuck. And he still has to come back today to connect the electricity.

I realize that getting a legit contractor in Miami is equivalent to getting me to eat okra/asparagus/liver. Impossible! But man, IGAG isn’t much better.

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