2008

Dr. Stephen's In

Last night, Lovey and I attended the South Beach Comedy Festival to see Stephen Lynch.  I've wanted to see him live ever since I was introduced to his special brand of comedy probably 5 or so years ago.  I'm sure he's not for everyone, but I loved him to death.  He's cute in his own sorta way, down with the brown, and probably partakes a bit because where else would he come up with this stuff?  We had seats in the very front row, center stage.  At first, Lovey was a bit miffed about that as he thought we'd get singled out but that's not the way Stephen's show goes.

As per the norm in Miami, the show didn't start on time because no one here can seem to get ANYWHERE on time.  It was slated to start at 8 but I'm sure it was at least 20 after by the time they got it going.  It was well worth the wait.  I was happy to sing along with the songs that I knew.  The rest of the time was spent trying to catch my breath from laughing so ridiculously hard.

I can't, of course, remember the entire set as it went on for a good 90 minutes, but I wanted to share some of what I felt were the highlights of the show (with links where possible).

The show opened with a tune I hadn't previously heard.  He dedicated it to the recent story in the news regarding Mr. Bounty Hunter, first name: Dog The.  If you just saw the title, Vanilla Ice Cream, you'd never guess where this song was going, but since you've got that link, you can see exactly where it's going.  Quite possibly the best line ever: "If you're a cracker, you'd better get blacker."  Already, you may see why I love this guy.

He debuted several songs so I've no links for them but don't worry, they were also highly amusing.  One was a running bit with diary entries (Anne Frank, Christopher Reeve, a couple others – un-PC and hilarious).  Dr. Stephen has always been one of my favorites but a new ditty has taken the number one spot.  Be warned that this may piss you off.  I'm going to paraphrase him and say that if you're easily offended…get the fuck out.

This song, Craig, is the little known story of Joseph and Mary's other son and the perils of growing up in the shadows of the big JC.  I may have hyperventilated a little during this one.

Stephen also had two of his friends do some songs with him, David Josefsberg and unfortunately I don't remember the other guy's name but they kept calling him Jeff Daniels due to the similarities.  At any rate, if you have the time and the Google skills, I'm sure you'd be able to find him too.  If you don't know what a Dirty Sanchez is, they'll explain it to you in song.

I must say that overall, the show was fantastic.  It was more than I was expecting and more than I ever could have asked for, minus maybe a trip backstage.  If you have the opportunity and a demented sense of humor, I say go see Stephen, buy and/or download his stuff.  Shyne – out.

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Stream of (un)consciousness

I feel as though I should post something but at the same time, I can't seem to find the proper words.  Therefore, I will make a bulleted list of random crap that pops into my head.  Take it, take it, take it!

  • I just turned on Sirius and the Gunners cover of Hair of the Dog was on.  I like most things GNR but I really dislike that particular cover.  Perhaps because I grew up as an undercover redneck and I really like the original.
  • I have to send my ring back to bring her down about a quarter size.  Currently I am scared to death of losing it as it is the most valuable thing I currently own and I love it to death.  Seriously, more than my car.  But I still love a '99 Honda covered in bird poo.
  • I had a dream, I had an awesome dream.  No wait, that's Lionel Richie.  Whilst in Park City, I had crazy dreams.  I somehow recreated Scarface and Al Pacino chased me around and shot at me all night.  When I asked Lovey if things that had been in my dream were in the movie (I've not seen it – and won't), he said that they weren't.  Dude, Al Pacino is mean in my dreams.  He may have shot me at least 5 times but I WOULDN'T DIE!
  • If I could create a mathmatic formula for love, do you think I could sell it? (I dreamt that too.  Is dreamt right or is it dreamed?)
  • I wish the best and rapid healing for those who need it.
  • Does anyone know how to break into a house?  Oh, I meant does anyone know how to break into the world of erotic writing?
  • Who doesn't know how to play the opening to Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home on the piano?
  • Whomever created the clementine orange hybrid is a GENIUS!
  • The average weekly wage in Miami-Dade County was $814 during the second quarter of 2007, an increase of 3.8 percent from the year before, the Bureau of Labor Statistics said. In Broward County, the average was $778, an increase of 2 percent. The national average is $820. - The Miami Herald.  Sad part is that at about $42,000 a year, you'll still struggle here if you don't have a roommate.

  • I miss the 80s.  Life was so much simpler then.

  • Why am I getting double-spaced now!??!

  • Ever wonder about your life-path?  How things would be different had you taken a different path?

  • Shhh!  I'm gathering my thoughts for an actual post.

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Brain.Small.Think.For.Me.

Because I'm such a sucker great employee, and since I arrive at the ass crack of dawn 7:30am, I was burdened tasked with coverage of our reception area for about 45 minutes every morning until I quit or die or die because I didn't quit.  Typically, I answer the phone once or twice and occasionally, sign in some packages from FedEx or UPS.

It's a very complex system we have where I sign the delivery guy's little computer doodad, and then I transfer the tracking number, sender and recipient to a log.  Before anyone can take a package, he/she must sign for it.  Easy enough, no?

So then let's say you're expecting a package maybe yesterday and it hasn't arrived to your desk.  What do you do?!?!  Now, this is just me, but I would go to reception, where I know packages get delivered, and ask where my package is.  That's obviously not what happened.  Rather than take the elevator ALL THE WAY up to the 7th floor (from 2) or maybe picking up that 1000 pound telephone receiver to call the receptionist, why don't you instead go through the trouble of tracking the package on UPS and printing out the delivery confirmation with my signature on it.  Then, please come over to my desk and ask where the package is (because I'm secretly hiding it in my butt).

Other: Do you know where this package is?

Me: No.

O: But you signed for it.

M: Um, yes, I did.

O: So where is it?

M: Did you check at the reception desk?

O: No.

M: (turns around in my chair to show O my back and continue working)

Brain.Small.Think.For.Me.

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ShowerQotD: Double-pickled cucumber or Pickled pickle?

Lovey and I have some of the strangest debates in the shower that can only be officially decided by you, my Vox neighborhood and other readers.  Yes, it's silly, but so are the regular QotDs most of the time.

First, some background.  Dictionary.com defines pickle as a cucumber that has been preserved in brine, vinegar, or the like.  A secondary definition is something preserved in a brine or marinade.  So tell me, dear readers, if I have a cucumber that has been preserved in a brine and then I preserve it once again, do I have a double-pickled cucumber or a pickled pickle?  Talk amongst yourselves. 🙂

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Park City Day Seven – Fin

Today has been a laid-back and kinda sad day.  Our friends/condomates left this afternoon for Miami.  We'll be leaving at 10am tomorrow.  Needless to say (so then why are you saying it?!?!), we don't want to leave.  But, we haven't hit the lottery lately so it's back on the plane and back to Miami we go. 

We had originally planned on hitting the slopes one last time today, but soreness and laziness got the best of us.  Instead, we just hung around the house and tried to eat all the extra food that we have.  We're still left with a bowl of chili and some eggs and waffles.  We did a pretty good job of rationing our vittles well.  I've done more cooking on this vacation than I ever do but I didn't mind since I don't usually have the kitchen duties.  The condo that we've been staying in has enough dishes to feed about 20 so we haven't had to waste a lot of water running the dishwasher either which was nice.

In the late afternoon, we did make it to the base of the mountain for one more go-round and to go to the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.  I first found this place in Crested Butte, CO, and damn!  I'm not big on chocolate, unless it's chocolate covered pretzels, which they have.  Even better than the chooclate, for me anyways, is the caramel apples.  I LOVE THEM!!!  For a mere $25 we got:

  • 3 apples – 2 plain caramel (me) one with caramel, white chocolate and crushed up Oreos (for Kiddo)
  • One chocolate covered pretzel stick (me)
  • One mini-pretzel stick (Kiddo)
  • One pecan turtle (me/Lovey)
  • 3 chocolate dipped graham crackers (Kiddo/Lovey)

I may eat both apples tonight and then get more in the airport in Salt Lake City because they're that good and I am a pig. 

Packing and making preparations to leave is sad.  This trip has been so special for so many different reasons.  Believe it or not, we're already starting to make plans for next year's trip.  Some people that weren't able to make it this time have seen the pictures and have set themselves to be making the trip next year.  It should be a blast.

These will eventually make it to Flickr too, but for now, I'm just going to post them here.  I was so sad I could only take a couple pictures.

 

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Tomorrow, we get home so late there won't be any posts about TSA, stinky guys on airplanes, or anything else.  Saturday I have to go get my nails done so I can show off my ring. (I have some stupid thing with my nails that they look like all my fingers got smashed in doors.  Been that way since I was 3, so I'm used to it, but they have to get pretty to match the jewel.)  At some point this weekend, I hope to see the Jacksonville Jaguars take it to those nasty red, white and blue wearing mother-farging corksucking iceholes just like they did to my poor hapless Steelers.

Thanks to all for joining me on my Park City journey.  It's been real and we can do it again next year!

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