August 2008

Circus pain is the BEST pain

I am warning you ahead of time that this post is LENGTHY, even for me.

SCORE!

I finally got to class last night.  Part of the total awesomeness is that they offer a first class for free to everyone.  So, there I am, all ready to do some circus stuff.  I was told that two other people would be coming but that I could start stretching out and stuff since I was already there.  Cool. 

The class started at 6, but in Miami time that means people show up a bit late.  (Although, I tend to be fairly prompt and not run my schedule on CP Time, there are certainly an abundance of folks working on Hispanic time here.)

The owner/instructor (O/I) asked me what I knew and what I wanted to work on.  I told him about what I had previously done and that I really wanted to learn silks.  He nodded and pointed me in the direction of them.

I don't think that he would have moved as quickly with someone with no experience, but hey, I don't know exactly how he runs his gig.  I was okay with it.  He showed me some "basic" stuff like how to wrap my feet in the silks and some turning around trick.  Umm, ouch.  My feet hurt.  I never knew there was silks pain.  But, I think I was putting the silks in the wrong place on my foot (more towards my heel and not in the arch).  I also did some climbing and a little wrap.  Ha, my hands hurt too.  They need to adjust to grabbing the silks.

After we had gone over this stuff, the other two had shown up.  Cutest couple.  Today is her birthday so it was a mini-present for her.  I'm guessing they were in their early 20s, but I'm a horrible judge.  Even as a bartender, if you look like you might not be 30, I'm carding you.  Take it as a compliment.

They did some stretching and then we all did some tumbling work.  I completely love that he has a belt rigged where it is so that my back handspring can be spotted without me worrying about kicking someone in the head.  So, we did front handsprings and front walkovers, then back handsprings and back tucks, then a back handspring, back tuck combo.  Fun, but I ain't going to the Olympics any time soon. 🙂

After floor, we brought out the trampoline.  There are (at least) two types of trampoline beds – beds are the jumpy part.  I'd venture to guess that most people are familiar with this kind:

It gives you a good bounce but you don't have to worry about catching a toe or anything in it.  These are the ones I've mostly used, although I've been fortunate enough to get my hands/feet/butt on one of these bad boys:

That's the super close-up view.  Those beds are like the professional/Olympian ones.  Since there are holes, you get way less drag and you bounce STUPID high!  It can actually be scary, especially if you haven't gotten the stop-bounce down.

Anyways, we got to do back flips and front flips on the trampoline.  It isn't as easy as it sounds to do it and do it properly and safely.  Back in my hayday (sp?), I could do some rocking back flips.  Tucked, piked, laid out, I could do them.  I learned it in like a day in Africa when some folks pestered me until I tried it.  Good times.

After trampoline (thank goodness there were three of us or I would've been wiped out by this point), we moved over to the trapeze.  Let me just say that I am so far out of circus shape that it is totally disgusting.  O/I asked me if I knew a couple of moves and I said that I might but I might know them by different names.  He asked me to do one of my favorite moves, monkey roll to ankle hang, but I just didn't feel ready and I didn't have my ankle protectors on.  I came down and my classmates went up for a while.  I felt right at home jumping in with assisting with explanations as O/I is Russian and sometimes his English doesn't come across very well.  He seemed happy to have the help.

After my classmates came back down, I went back up to try a move while swinging.  As O/I was explaining it, I realized that I knew what he wanted, it had just been a damn long time since I did it.  Not only that, when I first learned it, it took me a long damn time to get it right.  Part of it is that I was used to a longer arc in the swing, therefore having more time to complete moves, and part of it is that I'm just trying to remember.  I don't think this will mean much to you, but I was trying to accomplish a chute half-turn.  In a nutshell, I am balancing myself overtop of the trapeze bar and before I get to the peak of the swing, I shoot myself over the bar (facing the floor) and then do a half-turn so I'm facing the ceiling and catch myself on the bar with my ankles.  Didn't happen.  Not for lack of me trying though.  I had to call it quits because I was tired and getting sore and found out at shower time that I had successfully removed some skin from my hip.  I tried to get a photo, but lucky for you, not so much.

Last on the agenda (at around 7:45 when class was supposed to be an hour and started at 6 – BONUS!), were the stretching and conditioning exercises known as "torture wall".  Flexibility is a big problem for me so I was surprised when I did as well as I did.  Basically, for the first one, you stand against the wall while O/I tries to put your shin on your nose.  Then you have to lower the leg slowly and give it back to him so he can try it again.  Three times on each leg.  Next, you stand sideways and see if O/I can split you in half like a wishbone.  Both legs.  Hey, let's turn and face the torture wall while O/I tries to touch your toe to your head by bringing your leg up behind you.  Mmm, mmm fun.  This is where torture wall turns into torture floor.  So how about you lay on the floor on your back and hold on to the trampoline leg.  Bring your legs up so they make a 90 degree angle with your body and then push against him as he tries to push them to the floor back in a natrual position.  Ten.  Times.  Oww.  Think that's it?  Nope.  O/I now sticks a foot under your side, like where your waist is and get those legs back up in a 90 degree.  Now, push against him as he tries to push your legs down to the side.  And oh yeah, keep your side on his shoe.  Pain.  Last exercise is back extensions.  Lay down on the trampoline on your belly and put the top half of your body out over the edge.  Relax.  Now lift your upper half to parallel with the floor.  Again.  Keep your head up or it doesn't count!  Ten more times.

Well, now that you can barely walk and have to drive a stick shift home, you're done!

All in all a great time.  They want me to come back to work out with some other people they have there.  Two of whom are cheerleaders (guys) at FIU.  They have some performances coming up and think that I'd mesh well with them.  They also want me to learn hoop.

So yeah, those last 7 pounds, those will be gone soon although I think they'll come back in the form of muscle which is okay by me too.  I'm putting the frontal enhancements on permanent hold until I break myself doing circus.  Then when I can't walk anymore, maybe I'll think about it.

In closing, I just want to say that if you can find circus classes in your area, GET TO IT!  You'll get to use cool phrases like "listo", "hep", "kip", and "ready on the board!"

PS.  I had three glucosamine pills for dinner last night and I can still walk.  Three more when I get home along with a hot bath MIGHT ensure that I can walk tomorrow.

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Circus update

So, we had a little mix-up last night on days wherein I was slightly annoyed, BUT….

The nice folks at the school called me this morning to apologize for the confusion and to say that they are quite looking forward to meeting me this evening.

Okay, I'll take it.

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Open Letter

Dear Work:

      I hate you.  There.  I said it.  I've known you for a very long time – more than half my life, but I've never really hated you until now.  I realize that you're not supposed to be all fun and games or else you wouldn't be called work, but seriously?  You suck.

     If you're even interested in bettering yourself, Work, here's why I hate you:

  • I hate your temperature.  At no time when it's 90 degrees outside should I have to dress like I'm going to Antarctica when I'm actually just going to Work.  And when I'm still cold at my desk despite a space heater and a sweater over my sweater and tank top, well then you've just gone too far, Work.
  • I really dislike some of your inhabitants.  Especially those who think that they're better than me for no reason whatsoever.  Look, Work, I know that only I can allow myself to fall into their line of thinking that they actually are better than me, and I won't do that, but why don't you slap some of these people around?  Why don't you try an etiquette class that says "When someone looks you directly in the eye and says 'Good morning', the proper thing to do is say 'Good morning' back.  Smile, nod, wave, grunt, SOMETHING."  Because honestly, Work, I might smack a bitch the very next time one of them looks down their nose at me rather than opening their mouth.
  • Hey, Work, guess what?  I am not stupid.  I am actually pretty smart.  You really just don't encourage me to be anything more than a lump on my chair.  Granted, I don't need your encouragement to be great outside of your damnable four walls, but inside your bowels, my own personal hell, you really should learn some communication skills.
  • Know what else, Work?  You literally drain the life fluids right out of me.  You took a vibrant flower and turned it into a patch of brown goo.  A few years back, I was actually enjoying my life but damn you, Work, you took that away.  Sure, I'm slowly working my way back to enjoyment, but just like the 100 minutes of my life wasted during Universal Soldier, I'll never get those years back.
  • Even though this isn't your fault, Work, I still hate you for it.  The economy SUCKS BALLS at the moment which means that, especially here, either no one is hiring or those who are expect you to have a Master's Degree to fetch your coffee for $10 an hour.  That means that I'm stuck with you, Work.  But don't think for a millisecond that I'm not always on the lookout for something that doesn't suck.

So there, Work, there you have it.  I hate you and I know there's no love lost between us.  I am better than this black hole of soul-sucking filth, flarn and filth and we both know that.  Oh yeah, thanks for the torture but I really must be on my way.  SOON.  I'm sure that one day, Work, we'll both look back on this letter and laugh our fool heads off, but at the moment, I'd like to light it on fire and jam it up your ass.

Hope you crumble to the ground on a weekend (since there are actually people here that I DO like),

MiamiShyner

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