Mmmmmm, BACON!

All of us bacon lovers know that cooking bacon is a skill. (Is that sentence grammatically correct?)

Well, whilst cruising the ads on craigslist, I found another bacon lover…turkey bacon, but still bacon.  Here is his/her ad:


Love to cook? I DONT! But I love turkey bacon and I need someone to cook my turkey bacon for me every week. I just cannot have my house smelling like BACON.
Will Provide bacon.
at least 5 packs needed/weekly

i am not overweight.

  • Location: Fort Lauderdale
  • Compensation: $5 lb (uncooked net weight)

Does anyone else find this highly amusing?

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ROCO Friday! – Love a long weekend

Word to the herd!

Er, um, good morning to the congregation.  It's your Reverend MiamiShyner, checking in with you and making sure that you're still spreading the word of ROCO.  Own it people, own it!  Here are a few rambles for you:

  • With Tropical Storm Hanna possibly coming our way, but possibly making a turn to the south, I informed Kiddo that she may get to experience her first hurricane.  Her response: "on my BIRTHDAY WEEKEND?!?!'  Ha.
  • Speaking of Kiddo, I may have previously mentioned that she has the worst posture on earth.  I tell her to stop slouching all of the time, but to no real avail.  Why am I telling you this?  Because….
  • Last night in the shower (because that's where all important conversations take place), I was telling Lovey that the Wii Fit checks your center of balance.  Here I thought that I was standing up straight all this time, but it turns out that I lean back (Fat Joe) and put most of my weight on my heels rather than distributing evenly.  Lovey said that he's known that about me forever and so I asked him why he never said anything.  He said that he's told me on many occasions, of which I remember none.  Now I must make a conscious effort to distribute.  I wondered aloud what it might look like if Kiddo got on.  Lovey said that the screen might say something like this:
      • ERROR!  ERROR!
  • We are meany bo-beanies.
  • MommaShyner's in town, yo!  We're going out to lunch today and we're gonna go whoop ass at the bingo hall tomorrow night.  I luuuurve me some MommaShyner.
  • Last night was the first time that I listened to an Obama speech.  It was late (for me) so I may have missed some parts due to dozing off.  Things that I did catch that I liked:
      • Eight is ENOUGH!
      • This election is not about me, it's about you!
      • Huh, you know, there were other things, but they've just escaped me.
  • McCain chose the Governor of Alaska as a running mate.  I really don't follow politics so I know nothing about this woman.  My unpolitical, uneducated, off the cuff response is that she is the choice because she is a woman and he wants to do something unprecedented to keep up with Obama.  JUST.  MY.  OPINION.  Don't freak out over it.  Kthxbai!
  • MommaShyner and I discussed our (hopefully irrational) fears that there will be way too many assassination attempts while watching the final of Shear Genius.  I completely disagree with their choice for the winner, even though she's from Miami Beach.  Then again, what do I know about ya'll's hair?  I personally don't do anything with mine outside of washing and some occasional moisturizing.
  • The last few days have been rough on my right knee.  I am slightly worried that I will eventually have to do something about it.  This knee was injured many, many moons ago and never got any treatment.  It's acting up again.  I am trying to tell myself that it does not hurt.  That works a lot so I think that the pain is mostly in my head.

I suppose that I've chewed your virtual ear for long enough now.  Wishing you all the ROCO-iest of long weekends.  Spread the word, spread the love.


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Mid-week ramblings


It's Wednesday. Two down, two and change to go until the long weekend.  Hooray!  MommaShyner is coming for a visit.  That means we get to be silly and go to bingo and basically drive Lovey crazy.  Poor guy.

I don't know where MommaShyner ever found this song, but we used to laugh about it ALL THE TIME.  We can bitch him out right along with her.  Good times.

<did I mention that I will just jump from topic to topic?>

DMX, DMX, DMX….what the hell is wrong with you man?!?!  Somehow you just manage to keep getting in more trouble.  I've lost count, but I think it's a good 5 times you've been arrested in Miami in the last couple of months.  How stupid are you to get busted by an undercover buying 15 bucks worth of weed and 20 bucks worth of coke?  I'm not saying go out and do drugs, but don't you at least have someone that could pick that up for you?  And all the money you have, or used to have, that's all you can afford?  The economy really IS tight, huh?

Well, enjoy your time in jail.  It doesn't help your case any when upon standing before the judge, who tells you that you're not going to be able to bond out, you storm off and say "I ain't staying in fucking jail."  Guess what?  YES YOU ARE!  They're not letting you out and they're going to send you right back to Arizona where you're in trouble for animal cruelty.

<on a haha note, the reporter said that you'll be in jail until they EXTRICATE you back to Arizona.  I love Miami.>

I love garlic.  I love sea salt.  I put garlic on just about everything. 

Vampires will never get me. 

When I saw this product in the store, it couldn't get in my cart fast enough.  I LOVE IT!! I have it on my eggies in the morning and in my soup for dinner.  The deliciousness has no boundaries.

<fortunately, I don't sweat garlic>

This morning was my first official day on the Wii Fit.  I hooked it up last night and did a quick run-through.  Last night my Wii age was 42, yikes!  This morning I was doing a little better and I was only 37.

I was way too lazy (and sleepy) to take pictures of the screen this morning.  They offer up four sections to play in: aerobics, strength training, balance games, and yoga.

Aerobics this morning was a bit of step, which wasn't a problem, and pseudo-jogging where I almost ran over my trainer. 

Strength training had me doing some push-ups and planks on the left and right along with some crazy sit-up type things and something else that has slipped my mind.

Balance games were pretty funny.  I love walking the tightrope.  You have to jump over this thing that's trying to eat your legs, but at no time are you supposed to actually JUMP on the balance board.  So, of course, first thing I do?  JUMP!  I had to start over.  There's also a slalom ski course and a ski jump that are pretty fun.  I jumped 50 meters on the first time (which is terrible).  I tried again and got the hang of it and nearly tripled my distance!  Go Mii!

I saved the yoga for last since I wanted to be a little warmed up before trying it.  Got through breathing, warrior, and tree poses this morning.  Good stuff.

All this happened in approximately 35 minutes.  Was it a workout?  Meh, the jury is still out on that one.  I didn't break a sweat.  Maybe as I unlock more things to do, it will get more challenging.  But it's cute and it's fun and it tracks my weight and BMI, so it serves its purpose.  I'll keep you up to date on this since I know you are hanging on my every word.

Well, in the words of my great-uncle, "Allez cuisine!".  And have a great hump day!

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Things on Tuesday – end of August?!?!

Waiting in line:

  • Aaargh, my knee.  It's being a little funny recently.  Aspirin kills it sometimes.  Anti-inflammatory helps sometimes.  Ben Gay whole knee wrap may help.  Hanging upside down by my ankle with my full body weight on that knee is probably not helping.
  • Kiddo has taken to questioning me.  Lord help me to not smack her teeth out of her mouth.  My word is rule!
  • Teachers who wait until the last minute to grade my work.  I didn't wait till the last minute to turn it in, dammit!
  • Oh, economy, please get better soon.
  • Wanting to do 85,000 things and having zero creativity and even less time.
  • Too many fees at Kiddo's school.  Fees for freaking everything!

Riding the coaster:

  • Got my Wii Fit!!  Can't wait to go home and try it out.
  • 110 days until I'm halfway done with my degree!
  • Super nice thank you notes. :-)  It may take a couple years to get to taco Tuesdays, but I hope to one day.
  • Being right.
  • CIRCUS!  Finally got that damn chute half-turn (and the camera was rolling!). 

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