Ramblings

Nightmare. On My Street

This morning, I was at a loss for what to write about outside of why in the world is my body rejecting itself (stupid chick parts). I knew what I was going to write about tomorrow and I didn’t want to double up, so off I went to my handy dandy writing prompts. I’m actually surprised that I’m this far into the year (I know, all 40 days) and have had to use them so infrequently.

Today’s prompt was about nightmares, obviously. Fortunately, I haven’t had any nightmares lately that I recall, nor any dreams for that matter, but when I was just a lass, boy I tell ya, my horror story mind was constantly in overdrive. I had a few recurring nightmares (therapists, get out your notebooks!) and some that only happened once, but I still remember them.

  1. (recurring) The toilet – I had some fairly irrational fears as a child. One of them was the horror of an overflowing toilet. Not as irrational was my fear of water a little bit since I couldn’t swim, or at least not strongly. Put two and two together and I used to have nightmares about drowning in an overflowing toilet. Gross, huh? Never actually died in the dreams which is why I’m still here today, right?
  2. (recurring) The Laser Loop – Riders, hold on to the bar. 3, 2, 1, Gooooooo! We shot out of the gate like a kid caught in his girlfriend’s bedroom. Through the loop and on our way up to the peak to return backwards through the loop. Except, we don’t stop. The entire coaster train shoots up into the sky and we’re all terrified because we know this can’t end well. Never landed. Every time woke up with a screaming headache.
  3. (one time) House fire – Another of my childhood fears that holds on to this day is my house burning down. Fortunately, I’ve never experienced this tragedy first-hand, but my great grandmother died in a house fire when I was young (or at least that’s how I remember it) and the seeds were planted. Long dream short, I came home from school all slo-mo to find out that our house had burned to the ground. I woke up screaming.
  4. (recurring) Pirate ship/haunted house – This one is a little fuzzy and probably for good reason. I don’t recall everything, but I know that I was stuck in either a haunted house or a pirate ship (they alternated) and the only way out was to kill yourself. I know. I’m strange. I never did it though and the nightmare just continued until I woke.

Inside the psyche of your favorite blogger. Yeah, I’m putting words in your mouth. I’m your favorite. Go tell a friend! Make me their favorite too! Maybe? If I promise to focus? Maybe write a cohesive story? Ok, I’ll try, but you gotta hold up your end of the deal. See you back here tomorrow. Bring a friend.

Back Down Memory Lane

I was going to insert that song, but as I started to listen to the lyrics outside of the chorus, it just didn’t go with what I’m looking for here. And The Little River Band is so much more appropriate for so many reasons.

Many, many moons ago, like half my lifetime ago and then some, I was a shy kid who never felt like she fit in anywhere. (I still don’t fit in, but it’s purposely these days.) I struggled so much with my identity back then. I felt like I was always a step behind and that I would never catch up. I suppose that chronologically speaking, I was behind since I was a few years younger than the majority of the people I hung out with, but for the purpose of today’s story, that is neither here nor there.

Sidebar: I’m making breakfast as I write. FOUR SLICES?!?!  Four slices is one serving of Canadian bacon? That’s a lot.

So, as this child, I wanted nothing more than to be a part of the group and to do what they were doing. Sometimes this worked, but sometimes it did not. And the did not times were the ones that happened to be the most important ones to me. I knew that there wasn’t anything I could do to force the did not times, so I didn’t try. I wallowed quietly in my sorrow (except for that one time I locked myself in a room and played the same song over and over and over just crying it out.) and figured that was just the way life was gonna be.

I never vocalized these things, just let them fester (which led to a whole lotta things down the road, like RAMPAGE), and for the most part, it all went unnoticed. Except for by one person. I swear to you that I only had this revelation within the last year. This person saw my pain and waited until just the right time and took it away. Said person gave me the one thing that I was looking for, and for that, I am grateful.

I know this is ultra-vague but sometimes, that’s just the way it’s gotta be. The person of whom I’m speaking will likely never read this. The possibly one person who would know about this and might read this probably still wouldn’t put these things together. Still, and always, what a debt of gratitude is owed. That person is the one who started me on the journey to who I am now (so blame them, lol).  So to my Rude Dog, my ride-or-die before that was even a thing, and most importantly, my friend, I say thank you. What you did for me cost you nothing, but it was worth millions to me.

And on that vague note, I’m outta here! Let’s see if we can’t make this short week fly by!

 

I Am…

A slacker – when I get in a writing slump.
Mildly annoyed – when I work a holiday even when it was working remotely and just being “available”.
Frustrated – when I’m going back to the beginning and I’m struggling.
Excited – to finally get out and fire my 9 on Wednesday.
Tired – of all of the muscles in and around my hips and thighs acting like jerk.
Anticipating – vacation. About 3.5 months to go.
Trying – to do it all.

Busssssyyyyy

Doin stuff. Tomorrow we can talk about guns and knives and such.

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