Good morning, congregation! The Rev. SteelerShyner greets you with a hearty ROCO! It is indeed Friday, and thusly we celebrate the day with our cocks out whether they be literal or figurative. For verily, thou hast made it through another week. And whether that week was full of work or just full of shit, you conquered it nonetheless. ROCO!
Dearest congregation, as is the norm, we have two very different topics today. Let me start by asking you – what is the dumbest thing that you have ever done? I have a laundry list of stupidity. I’ve done some things that could have gotten me seriously injured or killed (looking back at them – I didn’t think that then).
Of course, as kids, we jumped out out or off of things into or onto other things that we thought would magically cushion our falls and somehow always did. I grew up country so I had my share of ATV incidents. I’ve walked across the outside of a train trestle (not really a big one but in this case I don’t know what else to call it). I’ve escaped some frostbite. I’ve gotten in cars with people who shouldn’t have been driving. I’ve gotten into cars with COMPLETE STRANGERS and driven DISTANCE and lived to tell about it. Crashed my own car once where I thought things were gonna be over. Walked around foreign countries alone (where you don’t speak the language)? Yep. Gotten drugged in one of those foreign countries? Yep. Walked around NYC as a 19-year-old female late at night alone? Sure, why not? Mild electrocution? A couple times. Dated (and almost married two) a bunch of fucking idiots. (Not you, J) So, suffice it to say, I’ve done my fair share of dumb shit.
Today, friends, I came to the realization that I topped the charts in stupidity. I made this grave realization when I wanted to pay for breakfast this morning. I realized that I didn’t know where my ATM card was. Shit. Fortunately, I had other ways to pay and breakfast was still obtained, but SHIT! Where’s my ATM card?!?!
As I started to backtrack my life, I came to a stunning realization. One, I don’t leave the house very often, and two, I THREW AWAY MY FUCKING ATM CARD! How, praytell, did you do that, smart one? Welp. It all started when I needed to pick up my prescription from CVS. I didn’t want to get out of the car so I went through the drive-thru. If you’ve never been through their drive-thru, you send your payment method through their zoomie and they put your payment method (if it’s a card) back in the bag with your prescription and send it back through the zoomie. Well, I got home and not thinking about it, I put my pill bottle where it belonged and THREW AWAY THE BAG. Fuck. I didn’t even realize I did it (that was on Tuesday) until today. Card canceled, no harm no foul. But damn. That was some stupid shit. I think I’ll go in from now on.
Now that the mystery has been solved, I can move on with my day. I promised you two topics and here comes the second one. My desk is an absolute disaster area. Truth be told, I have too much space for too much shit (actually I just don’t have enough space to properly space out my shit so it doesn’t look/feel cluttered) and sometimes I may just let things pile up. Well, this morning, I had enough so I decided I needed to straighten it up a bit. (Full disclosure, sometimes you can see my desk in my pole videos and I’m not trying to have that.)
As a former administrative assistant, former server, former bartender, and former restaurant manager, I feel some sorta way about office supplies. Like, I love them. I can never have enough of them. If I were a hoarder, it would be office supplies and books. I know I’m not alone. I love notebooks. Cracking a fresh one open. Having different ones in different shapes and colors for different things (that I don’t do). Mmmmm, yes. And writing utensils? GTFOH. Just gimme all of them. So here’s the desk straightening tally:
- Calendars/planners: 3
- Other notebooks: 6
- Calligraphy pen: 1
- Highlighters/markers: 20
- Stick eraser: 1
- Mechanical pencil: 1
- Colored pens: 13
- Erasable colored pens: 8
- Regular black/blue pens: 15
- Colored pencils: 60
- Art pens (glitter and shit): 120
Quite obviously I have some issues but I don’t think I’m ready to address them just yet. Just know that I’ll always be prepared to take notes and get that receipt.
Well, the rest of the things I need to do today ain’t gonna do themselves, so I’m off to do it. ROCO y’all and have a great weekend!