4/30 – Stuff you already probably know

I’m gonna be hard pressed to find ten interesting things about myself. So, I’m gonna tell you ten things about whatever comes to mind.

  1. After having a child and still having no boobs, topped with living in Miami making me feel insufficient, I got a boob job for myself for my 35th birthday. From 34A to 36D. Holla!
  2. I have lived (if I slept there for more than 2 months, I count it) in New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Florida, North Carolina, Colorado, Mexico, Turks & Caicos, and Tunisia.
  3. No matter how hard I’ve tried, front splits have and continue to evade my broke ass hip ass.
  4. Table manners are so. Fucking. IMPORTANT! I’m sure this is partly because of how big of a stickler my dad was. No elbows on the table, chew with your mouth closed, and don’t talk with your mouth full. Or I’ll want to kill you.
  5. I prefer pro football to college but college basketball to pro. I know. I’m weird.
  6. *knock on wood* I’ve never had a cavity nor have I broken a bone (because a toe just doesn’t count and I’m not even sure it was broken because there was no way I was going to the hospital just to be sure it was broken when there wasn’t even anything they could do about it.
  7. Thanks to growing up country with many boys, I’m fairly car savvy. As in, I can change all of the tires, lights, fluids, filters, and in some cars, brakes. My not-so-secret dream is to own a place where pretty ladies do car maintenance. Boobs & Lubes. Ha!
  8. Ugh, this is tedious. I don’t like water where I can’t control the temperature and sure as shit not where I can’t touch the bottom. I can swim well enough to get to the side of the pool I’ve just been thrown in for sassing the fuck out of a bartender who threw me in even though I told him I couldn’t swim (he left a friend to make sure since he had to get back behind the bar). Ocean City.
  9. I am not and have never been concerned about going out alone. Dinner, movies, bar, wherever. I’ve met a ton of awesome people because I went out alone and talked to whomever didn’t look like a serial killer.
  10. I can’t dance. I can’t sing. I don’t go to church. I don’t like watermelon. I don’t have big lips. I don’t run quickly. I know what you’re thinking. I’m an asshole.

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