Call Me Rip Torn

You know, I probably need to bring it down a notch in my life when it isn’t odd to me at all that I have ridiculous injuries. Groin pull here, bad knee there. Frozen shoulder here, torn labrum there. I’m like Frankenstein but I never get any new parts. One might think that these random injuries might slow me down or encourage me to just cut it out, but no, I won’t.

How did I get to today’s pain? Well, let me tell you. I have an OmGym (yoga swing) that hangs in my workout dungeon. About a week and a half ago, I was in it and I created some (unnecessary) pressure on my lower abdomen. A day or so after that, I felt that area tightening up. For the next week or so, I was just careful while sneezing since it was only a little bit uncomfortable. Fast forward to yesterday when, like the genius that I am, I went to the trapeze.

First swing was just a hang because that’s how I roll. Second swing I went whole hog, trying to gain some height. No problem and so far so good. Typically, when I go to the rig, I’m a three swing girl and then I pull lines. Third swing I threw a pretty strong layout. Now, what in the world possessed me to get up on the board again?!?! I don’t know. I should have sat my happy ass down. But I didn’t.

Fourth swing went like this: sweep, force up and out, swe…AAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOMYGAAWWWWWDIT HUUUUUURTSSSSS! Slam. In layman’s terms, at the front of my swing is when my abs/obliques decided to give way. Think of it like this: If you had a bendy straw implanted in your side and stretched your just got out of bed morning stretch, it would be the equivalent of someone expanding that straw and twisting it and then pouring searing white hot pain in the straw. At this point, I am hanging from the bar (no lines) and I can’t lift my legs because of the pain in my side and physics. I have completely forgotten about everything that I am supposed to do in the air at this point, and so, I now slam into the perch with the back of my left leg. It sounded worse than it was and a day later it’s sore but not bruised, so that’s a bonus. As you may (or may not) know, a swing takes all of about 5 seconds, if that. From the time that I shredded my guts to hitting the board to hitting the net probably took those 5 seconds. It felt like 10 minutes.

Needless to say, that ended my trapeze day. I packed it up and headed home to wallow in my own tears. Gingerly.

First item of business: figure out how to sit/lay comfortably. Flat on the floor worked for a little while but not long. Couldn’t get comfortable in any seated position. Weeeeeee! As soon as I would find something comfortable, I’d have to get up to pee. FML, you know? This goes on for hours.

Once, I stupidly twisted to one side or the other which damn near killed me. I don’t know that I’ve ever passed out in my life (I’ve blacked out 2 or 3 times but that’s a whole different neurological issue.), but from what I’ve heard about it, I think I was close. The whole room got steaming hot. I starting sweating like Smokey in the pigeon coop. My ears started buzzing/ringing. And I thought that lunch was gonna make a return visit. Holy hell. Mind over body! Mind over body! Man up! So I sat on the edge of the bed and fanned myself with my hand until my impending death decided to select another date and time. Made it.

I was nervous about moving around in my sleep, but my hubby said that I never move around very much while sleeping. Not what my Fitbit says, but ok. It actually says that I was awake twice and restless seven times and that’s a pretty good night for me. Also, I didn’t wake up screaming in the middle of the night because I tried to stretch or anything whilst lying down. Hooray!

Kinesio tape – it’s a lifesaver. I swear it’s all that’s holding me together right now and I love it dearly. I may or may not have it applied 100% correctly, but I think it’s close enough that I’m not cringing with every movement. I’m hopeful that I’ll be able to take it off on Saturday and still pose for pictures (because people ask me to do these things even after the first time out when I was a nightmare to try to shoot – must remember to have a shot first to chill the hell out) while leaning on cars and whatnot.

Eventually, I’ll start writing again with better form where things have a beginning, middle, and end, but for now, it’s stream of consciousness. Which is pretty much how I talk so if we talk on any sort of regular basis, you probably follow along with this just fine. If not, we should talk more often. See ya next time.

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