2008

Ike’s got nothing on me

There are things in this life that I love, things I like, things I tolerate, and things that, to steal a line from Peter Griffin, grind my gears.  The following grinds my gears:

Kiddo is in the big high school now.  Eight classes broken into blocks of four classes a day.  Remember when you were in high school?  Could you not go to all of your classes every day?  I digress.

She has Honors English.  Now, what they are trying to feed me is that if you have HE, you must take this class called Inquiry Skills. (Apparently this is because "the county" has been told that their graduates are lacking in writing skills.  This would have nothing to do with the fact that many, many children in the county are ESOL but that's neither here nor there.)

Kiddo showed me some of the homework that she has gotten in this class.  Sentence structure.  Compound sentences.  Basic 5th grade stuff.  Yes, I know that those are not sentences.  This is 9th grade, people!  If you do not know these things yet, then maybe you should not be placed in HE?!?!

As a concerned parent, I called the school to speak with Kiddo's counselor.  Here's what grinds my gears.

HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT!  When speaking with a parent whose taxes pay your salary, one should not immediately adapt an attitude.  One should not speak over the parent and do their best not to let a parent get a word in edgewise.  One should not flat out disrespect me because you do not know me, you have no knowledge of my life, you do not know my child, and I will smack a bitch. 

Part of me wanted to reach through the phone and throttle this man, but I refrained because some people will not listen no matter what you are saying.  Said conselor is one of those people.  After I vented to innocent co-workers, I proceeded to call the school and asked to speak to the person in charge.  Of course, she was not in but oh did she get a message.  That message also went to the assistant principal.  To steal a line from South Park:

DON'T. FUCK. WITH. MIAMI. SHYNER.

I am not even joking when I say that if I do not get a phone call tomorrow, there will be hell to pay.  They may think that they can speak to me in that manner, but they are about to get schooled in their own school.  If I have to go into that school, they will wish that hurricane Ike had hit them rather than hurricane Black Girl.

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Mmmmmm, BACON!

All of us bacon lovers know that cooking bacon is a skill. (Is that sentence grammatically correct?)

Well, whilst cruising the ads on craigslist, I found another bacon lover…turkey bacon, but still bacon.  Here is his/her ad:

 

Love to cook? I DONT! But I love turkey bacon and I need someone to cook my turkey bacon for me every week. I just cannot have my house smelling like BACON.
Will Provide bacon.
at least 5 packs needed/weekly

i am not overweight.

  • Location: Fort Lauderdale
  • Compensation: $5 lb (uncooked net weight)

Does anyone else find this highly amusing?

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ROCO Friday! – Love a long weekend

Word to the herd!

Er, um, good morning to the congregation.  It's your Reverend MiamiShyner, checking in with you and making sure that you're still spreading the word of ROCO.  Own it people, own it!  Here are a few rambles for you:

  • With Tropical Storm Hanna possibly coming our way, but possibly making a turn to the south, I informed Kiddo that she may get to experience her first hurricane.  Her response: "on my BIRTHDAY WEEKEND?!?!'  Ha.
  • Speaking of Kiddo, I may have previously mentioned that she has the worst posture on earth.  I tell her to stop slouching all of the time, but to no real avail.  Why am I telling you this?  Because….
  • Last night in the shower (because that's where all important conversations take place), I was telling Lovey that the Wii Fit checks your center of balance.  Here I thought that I was standing up straight all this time, but it turns out that I lean back (Fat Joe) and put most of my weight on my heels rather than distributing evenly.  Lovey said that he's known that about me forever and so I asked him why he never said anything.  He said that he's told me on many occasions, of which I remember none.  Now I must make a conscious effort to distribute.  I wondered aloud what it might look like if Kiddo got on.  Lovey said that the screen might say something like this:
      • ERROR!  ERROR!
  • We are meany bo-beanies.
  • MommaShyner's in town, yo!  We're going out to lunch today and we're gonna go whoop ass at the bingo hall tomorrow night.  I luuuurve me some MommaShyner.
  • Last night was the first time that I listened to an Obama speech.  It was late (for me) so I may have missed some parts due to dozing off.  Things that I did catch that I liked:
      • Eight is ENOUGH!
      • This election is not about me, it's about you!
      • Huh, you know, there were other things, but they've just escaped me.
  • McCain chose the Governor of Alaska as a running mate.  I really don't follow politics so I know nothing about this woman.  My unpolitical, uneducated, off the cuff response is that she is the choice because she is a woman and he wants to do something unprecedented to keep up with Obama.  JUST.  MY.  OPINION.  Don't freak out over it.  Kthxbai!
  • MommaShyner and I discussed our (hopefully irrational) fears that there will be way too many assassination attempts while watching the final of Shear Genius.  I completely disagree with their choice for the winner, even though she's from Miami Beach.  Then again, what do I know about ya'll's hair?  I personally don't do anything with mine outside of washing and some occasional moisturizing.
  • The last few days have been rough on my right knee.  I am slightly worried that I will eventually have to do something about it.  This knee was injured many, many moons ago and never got any treatment.  It's acting up again.  I am trying to tell myself that it does not hurt.  That works a lot so I think that the pain is mostly in my head.

I suppose that I've chewed your virtual ear for long enough now.  Wishing you all the ROCO-iest of long weekends.  Spread the word, spread the love.

 

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