2007

Afterhours at the 1230

Things are never normal at our house. Nowhere near, actually. More importantly, things are always funny at our house.

I am trying to do the whole "good mom" thing and keep my daughter focused on school. To help with this, I limit the time she has her cell phone (when she's at home, heaven forbid something happen and she doesn't have it) and her laptop (yeah, she's a little spoiled). When 9 pm rolls around, she has to hand them both over. Last night, she knocked on the bedroom door, as usual, and gave me the laptop and the phone. I put them down in their usual place and then Lovey came over and picked up her phone.

He was just turning it over in his hands and then he said, "You know what would be funny?"

Any converstaion that starts with those words in our house can be nothing but trouble. I asked him what he was thinking anyways. So he proceeds with, "You should take a picture of your butt and put it on her cell phone."

R O F L M F A O!

We went on to discuss how it should be her background and her welcome picture and it would be a perfect birthday present for her in another week or so. She would have to look at my butt for a long time until she figured out how to change it. I didn't do it. Yet.

We are sick individuals.

Read and post comments

A Sucker-Free Sunday

Does not include me.

I am a sucker. I have a very bad tendency to want to try new products and infomercials are my worst enemy. After Lovey and I got done laughing at the infomercial for Hip Hop Abs, I surely went ahead and ordered it. At least it's not just sitting on the shelf though. I am doing it and it does work as long as you do it. Have I lost any weight? About a pound, but the inches that have come off are way better than the pounds anyways.

So, I have the most luggage ever in the depository under my eyes. It doesn't matter how much sleep I get or how much water I drink, I always look like I'm either high, almost asleep, or in dire need of sleep. Of course, makeup does wonders, but I'm too lazy for that and I haven't made it to the store to check out the right shade in the mineral makeup yet. Dermatologist is the next step, but in reality, I don't think I care enough to go. I'm not picking up any boys or starting up a modeling career since I'm too short.

Well, if there's a new product out, I'm gonna give it a try. Vanity sneaks out every now and again and I want to be the most beautiful girl in Miami that has her real lips/boobs/hips/ass/hair/fingernails. Wait, according to Lovey, I already am. Whatever. I figured if Oil of Olay came out with something that would put away the suitcases, I'd give it a shot.

Olay

And there it is. The eye derma-pod. They stuck some creme in a little pouch that you open by squeezing it and it magically comes out on the sponge at the end. Spread evenly on upper lids and underneath eyes and massage in for one minute per eye. Contains 24 derma-pods, best results if used thrice weekly for 8 weeks. Yup. 8 weeks.

But I'm game. I figure it might help. I have less than two weeks left and I'm slowly finding out that Olay just doesn't work for everyone. I'm not posting any before and/or after pictures, mainly because I didn't take any but I'm seriously not seeing any difference here people. No, I take that back, I'm not seeing any positive difference. Is the skin underneath my eyes different from the rest of my face now? Yes, it is, but it looks like, to me, that all this has accomplished is making the wonderful lines under my eyes even freaking deeper! Now there's just a place for makeup to hide!! Aaargh!

Olay has less than two weeks to change my mind on this, but I just don't see it happening. Maybe this only works for people who only THINK they have bags under their eyes, not people who actually have them.

Read and post comments

Today's quote

"You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell."

- Cher, The Witches of Eastwick

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

The Numbers Game

3 – days left till the long weekend

11 – days left until Moonfaire

33.72 – years I've had on this planet

1029.83 – years I've had on other planets

4 – number of shoes at my desk

10 – pounds I want to lose

5 – realistic pounds I have to lose

17 – days left until the GO reunion

166 – days till we bust our collective ass snowboarding

6 – manmade holes in my body

3 – tattoos

4 – cars I've owned

3 – times I've escaped death

10,000 – pennies in my checking account

3 – places on my body bruised from pole dancing

5 – nights of good loving after pole class

111 – posts on Vox

6 – websites I've created

1 – website I've created that's still up and running

2 – fantastic business ideas

0 – minutes spent working on them recently

40 – minutes spent explaining the distributive property and simplifying (Algebra) to my daughter last night

1- dirty story posted on Vox

2 – times I've considered deleting my blog

umpteen – things my brother and I have laughed at together

2.08 – years spent with Lovey

1 – trip out of the country planned for next year

10 – months it took to get in circus shape

1 – month it took to lose all core strength

1500 – dollars it would cost to have a single trap in my back yard

2 – dollars I have put away towards it

6 – average number of calls per week to our house by bill collectors with a wrong freaking number

2 – brain cells shared by bill collectors who don't understand that there's no P Garcia at our house

6 – concerts I've attended (that's sad)

2 – times I've seen wrestling live (is that more sad?)

1 – times I've been approached by a roadie and almost kidnapped out of a state where I didn't live

4 – countries in which I've taught the trapeze

0 – reasons for posting this

Read and post comments

QotD: If I Had Guaranteed Success…

What would you attempt to do if you knew you could never fail?
Submitted by BeckyPink.

Uh, this question is on the slightly stupid side for me. Part of learning and growing is failing. If I never failed at anything, I would either think I had done everything correctly the first time and continue doing it wrong and never learn anything, or I would do it correctly but never grow from the experience.

That being said, I'd play the lottery on a huge payout night.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Afterhours at the 1230

A Sucker-Free Sunday

Today's quote

The Numbers Game

QotD: If I Had Guaranteed Success…

You Missed

Nothing To See Here

Too Damn Slow

Ghosts (of Days Gone By)

Raunchy Activated