Listo. I just don't know what for.
I should probably be better at this by now. I am 33 after all. All grown up, with grown up thoughts and feelings. MOST of the time. I guess I've just never gotten used to it or I try my best to avoid situations in where rejection may come into play.
Growing up, I lived in a fairly tight-knit community. Our road was just about a mile long and of all the families, I'd say at least 80% had children in the same age range. So, let's see. There was me, my brother, Michelle, Shawn, Lori, Amy, another Shawn, occasionally a Justin and a Tisha, Matt, Mikey and Larry. As we got older and ventured off of our road and onto the next, we picked up Scott, Larry and Donna. Others came and went, but that first group were the main players. Now, I'm not a girly girl. I never have been. (My mom was kinda bummed about it but my dad dug it.) I didn't have Barbies, didn't want them. I had a Cabbage Patch Kid – Addi Trista – but only because it was a present from an out-of-town relative. I wanted to run and jump and rough-house. With the boys. And they let me. Could have been out of fear of my father, but I like to think it was because they were just amazed that a GIRL wanted to do these things.
Don't get me wrong. I tried. I tried playing Barbies but I just found it to be ridiculous. Sitting inside the house on a perfectly good day making up stories about a plastic bitch who's about as real as Santa just wasn't my thing. And yes, I knew Santa wasn't real from a very young age and I spoiled it for both my brother and cousin. But me and Barbie, we never saw eye to eye. I won't even say it was because Barbie didn't have any black friends because I was a little older before I realized that THAT would/could be an issue.
Out of the few girls, I mostly hung out with Michelle and Lori. It was an odd situation. I was in the same grade as Amy, but closer in age to Michelle and Lori. So here's the thing. I could hang out with any one of them on their own and we'd get along fine but as soon as a thrid person came into the mix it was see you later me. It was like I played second fiddle to everyone on the block. For a while, the three of us hung out. We had a "club". Until one day, Michelle and Lori decided that I wasn't cool enough to be in the club any more and they told me I was out. Mmmm, mmm. Rejection tastes good. Like road kill.
Let's jump ahead to school years. I went to a private school through 4th grade. Not because we were rich or the public school wasn't good, but because I have a late birthday and public school wouldn't take me. The transition to public school wasn't an easy one. The only person I knew was Amy and she assimilated a lot better than I did. Some of the kids were friendly, like the trio that approached me as soon as I got there exclaiming that my birthday was close to theirs. Some were not, like the boy who ran up behind me and said "We don't like little black girls."
As a sidebar, that same boy ended up being one of my very good friends by the end of high school. What up JR?
The school year went on and people made friends, but not me. Mmmm, mmmm. Rejection tastes better with a side of school mashed potatoes.
High school wasn't much different. I had a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. I had crushes, but never a boyfriend. Granted, I was two years younger than everyone else, but no one knew that unless I told them. Even my acquaintances were mostly guys. Which, of course, didn't go over well with the girls. Mmmmm, mmmmm. Say it with me.
I found out pretty quickly that I didn't enjoy the whole rejection scenario at all. So what did I do? I started to just cut everyone off. I figured I didn't need them. Small town America go fuck yourself. I left. I went to NY. (Rejection in NY tastes like pizza.) But I came back.
I started re-acquainting myself with people. I made a friend. Yes A friend. She had friends and they let me, the moth, flit about the outside of their butterfly garden. Through them I met a guy. He was nice. We hit it off. But then one of their friends thought he would be better off with someone else, so they told him nasty and untrue things about me. FUCK YOU MIKE GRIMES! Sorry, that slipped. But it was all for the best because small town America just wasn't for me. I left again.
By this time, I just stopped putting myself in positions where I thought I might get rejected. Rejection is hell on my ego. It's hell on me in general. I never got used to it and I never understood why and I certainly never liked it. It's probably the main reason that I don't have female friends, or any for that matter outside of work (that are within an hour drive). I've never been able to fit in. I'm okay with it now. I have Kiddo and I have Lovey and that's good enough for me at the moment even though they drive me nuts at times.
Lovey's been the best at supporting me in the latest rejection. Technically, it's not a rejection yet, but I'm not holding my breath on any good news. A couple weeks ago, I was perusing the classifieds, as I always do job or not, and I saw something interesting. I figured what could it hurt to send my info. I kinda forgot about it and when they called me it took a minute to figure out who they were and why they were calling. Well, we hit it off over the phone and we traded emails and I went to not one, but two interviews and was told when I asked how many other people were in the pool for the position that "I was on top of my game and I shouldn't worry about that. Read between the lines. :-)". Okay, maybe what I read between those lines wasn't what they meant. But, when you've met an entire team and everyone liked you and then you hear something like that, what would you think?
So here's where it's technically not a rejection yet. I was assured that all candidates would be notified one way or the other when a decision was made. I got the impression that they wanted to get this done sooner rather than later. But today, I saw an ad posted for the exact same position. For me, that rejection tastes like bad mangos because now, even if they call and say I've got it, I feel like they didn't really want me but no one else applied and we need a warm body. I don't think I'd be able to accept if they did offer it now because I don't play second fiddle. Or third. Or fourth. Am I wrong? Am I crazy? Any thoughts?
No pueden caminar en frente de mi carro cuando yo tengo la luz verde y si se hacen, yo te voy romper sus piernas.
Now, for those of you not from Miami or those of you who, like me, aren't bilingual (okay, I'm pretty good when I'm drunk) that says:
You can't walk in front of my car when I have the green light and if you do, I will break your legs (with my car).
The angry girl in the green car.
Seriously. I need that big black cop-rammer that the police have on the front of their car. It would keep hair and blood out of the grill of my car. Just last week I was driving through downtown, fortunately slower than usual because I was a little lost, and before I knew it, someone was standing in front of my car. She was on the phone, walked out from between two parked cars, NEVER LOOKED, and walked out in front of my moving car. Lucky for her I was in a good mood and I stopped. Don't be fooled. Even with my windows up, I screamed at her as she stood in front of my car looking at me like I was driving on the sidewalk. Oh, and she heard me. I'm loud. Many years ago, I used to be a cheerleader. Her cheer went a little something like this:
(head nod to start the cheer) HEY! (clap, clap, nod) Hey you! (clap, clap) ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?!?! (clap, clap, flip her off) (clap, nod)
Yeah, so anyways, downtown's pretty cool. Why just yesterday I saw a homeless gentleman standing near a FedEx truck. He was chatting away and I thought that he was talking to the driver. Nope. As I got closer, I noticed that he was talking TO the FedEx truck. He held one finger in the air while he talked. He then proceeded to cross himself. Is FedEx sponsoring a new religion? Deliverotology? Do they preach from the Gospel of Two Tries and then you have to come to The Warehouse? You should visit Miami. Really. Make sure you go DWNTWN.
In other news, I think I pulled a muscle in my leg this morning. No one to blame but myself on this one. You see, I'm the first one up in the household and I try to be quiet and not turn on too many lights upstairs where everyone else is sleeping. Usually, I do a good job. Today, not so much. I was coming up the stairs in the dark and I somehow miscalculated the number of steps. It could have been worse, I could have thought that I was at the top when there was one more step. That would have woken Lovey up for sure. Kiddo could sleep through the Texas Chainsaw Massacre ocurring in her room. But no, I thought there was one more step when there wasn't. If you've done this, you understand and know how funny it is a few hours later. I'm sure that if there was a hidden camera in the house, I would've looked hilarious. I managed to stay on my feet though. Yay me!
I'm really not much one for the current state of hip-hop. Once in a while, something will come along that I actually enjoy hearing. Make Me Better by Fabolous f/Ne-Yo is one of those songs. The beat is somewhat catchy and the verses are okay and sometimes amusing, but it's really the chorus that makes me like it. There's so much negativity these days in the hip-hop that it's refreshing to hear someone say/sing:
I'm a movement by myself
But I'm a force when we're together
Mami I'm good all by myself
But baby you, you make me better.
It's over there ————>
Listen if you like.
I suppose it's time to get this day underway. I added more to my plate without finishing my broccoli, but that's just the way I roll. My FFO is listo on the board. HEP!
Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I were having a party and Monday crashed it. Boo for Monday. It wouldn't be so bad if 5:15 didn't come quite so early. On top of it, there was a mighty storm raging this morning and that just makes me want to stay in bed.
Part of me loves the weekend, sleeping in, a relaxing family breakfast (that really isn't relaxing when you keep shushing people and dogs out of the kitchen to get everything on plates at the right time), online poker, Heineken Light, and of course, FOOTBALL! But there's this other part of me that knows that while I'm doing all those things, there are other things that I should be doing like reading the no less than 5 books I have open and started, working on the business or trying to get at least an outline done for the book,which will probably be a dirty e-book. Am I that unmotivated? Apparently, yes, I am.
Saturday was a good day as we traveled to the Keys to pick up our pooch who has been on vacation at Lovey's mom's house since last week. Lovey's mom has two Jack Russell's that wore our poor dog Brandy out. She was so happy to see us and to know in her doggie head that she was mere hours from laying on the cold tile floor under the A/C doing absolutely nothing. Lovey's mom made a spectacular lasagne that we munched on all weekend.
Sunday brought an unexpected surprise: the Steelers on TV! I refuse to give in and get NFL ticket mainly because it's an arm and a leg even in four installments. I've looked at the schedule a million times already to see which games I'll get to see on broadcast TV (5 night games for sure) and which we might need to check out at a local bar (2, maybe 3 since one's on my birthday [my present=Steelers over lying, cheating Patriots]). So I was absolutely stoked to see the boys on TV this week as it wasn't a night game or one that had bar plans. Even better that they beat the Niners 37-16. On the down side, I'm getting my ass handed to me in fantasy football this week unless Drew Brees has some miraculous recovery from the sucking he's beein doing in the first two weeks. Go Saints!
So, now's the time to get on the ball. So much to do. So much potential. I just have to go for it and stop being afraid of rejection. And I'm asking for your help. Please feel free to drop me a note every once in a while (not every day, wise guy) to make sure I'm doing what I should be doing. Don't be mean, I might cry. Probably not, but don't be mean anyways. Thanks and I'm out.
I'm so glad you could attend. Come inside, come inside. *
I've been so very un-Voxy for the last week. Part of it is that I've been "busy" but most of it is that I've been lazy. Last Friday, Kiddo, Lovey and I headed north to the beautiful city of Port Saint Lucie where we spent 3 alcohol filled days and 2 drunken nights partying like rock stars. (No alcohol for Kiddo, or at least no more than a sip out of my glass.)
Upon our arrival, Friday afternoon, we proceeded to check out our room (King size bed! Thanks Shawne!) that was adjoining with Kiddo's. We opened up our curtains to find that our balcony overlooked the "fitness pool" (only named that because it's by the gym) and that happened to be where everyone was hanging out for the weekend. The beauty of it is no matter how loud it got at the pool, the doors were so superiorly soundproof that we couldn't hear anything. As a matter of fact, I certainly didn't hear my friends yelling for me to come down to the pool and "stop fucking" as it was so eloquently put when Lovey and I were spending a little QT.
We spent a lot of time hanging out in the pool, having beers and catching up. It was certainly good to see so many of my friends that I haven't seen in a few years. All my brothers and sisters from other mothers were there. It really was a family reunion.
Kiddo was completely stoked to hit the flying trapeze. She spent a lot of time over at the circus and they were kind enough to let her participate in the flying trapeze show. (Video to be posted later.) She begged me to come over to do the show as well, but I happen to remember what they force you to wear for that show and I was in no mood for a one piece purple leotard. After the trapeze show, Lovey joined us in the theatre for the second show. Kiddo wanted to sit right in the front which is never a good idea at a Club Med show, but I let her pick the seats anyways.
Of course, there are always audience participation numbers and with one of my best friends Anthony running the number, Lovey probably could have guessed that he'd be getting pulled on stage. I don't know who was under more pressure, me or him. My friends were razzing me about his dancing skills before he even got up there, being the dirty girls that they are. I told them that it didn't matter what happened up on the stage, there was a reason I disappeared on various occassions. 😉
Lovey did a spectacular job and was a super good sport about the whole thing. I have to order the pictures from that one, but those won't get posted out of respect for Lovey's shy side. I'm so proud of him for actually getting up on stage and then proceeding to do a great job. It was all in good fun and I think he kinda expected something of that nature to happen anyways.
Another entire day of debauchery flew by and before we knew it, it was time to once again bid farewell to all of my Club Med buddies. The good news is that plans are already in the works for the next reunion.
We spent most of the day Sunday just unwinding from the rest of the weekend, watching football, and listening to more football on Sirius. I always at least get to hear my boys play even if I don't always see them.
Monday brought an appointment that I'm not quite ready to talk about yet. If I haven't already jinxed it by sharing it with two people, I'm hoping it still comes through. By Monday evening I'll know if the jinx held or was broken and then I'll fill you in on the whole story.
To tell the truth, I don't know what happened to the rest of this week. I woke up today and it was Friday. It's also payday, yippee, and to top it all off, today is Lunch Bunch where the company gives you $20 and teams you up with 4 or 5 people from other departments and you all grab lunch together. It's a neat idea. Let's you meet folks you might not have otherwise met. The company isn't that huge or anything, it's just that people tend to stick to their departments.
I guess that's it for the recap. I'm still working towards getting my business off the ground and I've been wanting to write a book for a while now and this morning, the perfect title and format hit me so maybe I can get an outline down on paper sometime soon. Thanks for visiting my ramble. Have a wonderful Friday and a kick-ass weekend!
* Please forgive if I rearranged the words of the song to make them fit what I wanted to say.
Yes, I "borrowed" this from grrrace. I find it amusing.
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet & current car)
Ginger Nova (that's right, I had a Chevy Nova. My brother used to say "You've gotta dig deep, a 77 Nova don't run cheap.")
2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Pecan Praline Snickerdoodle. How gangsta is that??!?!
3. YOUR “FLY Guy/Girl” NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
S Bur. Well that's just dumb.
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Royal Blue Sheltie. Hmmm, it's got potential.
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Dinae Mt. Pleasant. That acutally works.
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Bursh. It sounds like gas.
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (”The” + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Purple Mind Eraser. No, really officer, I'm not hopped up on drugs.
8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Jesse Clifford. Damn that's awful redneck for both of them to be black.
9. STRIPPER NAME: ( the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Ass Mounds. No, I'm kidding. Vanilla Mounds. BWAHHAHAHAHAHA!
10. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother’s & father’s middle names )
Grace John. That's a good one, no?
11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher’s last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
This is why I answered this one. I'm Zeli Zelionople. Couldn't be much more awesome than that.
12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Fall Tiger Lily. Is that a name or a command?
13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you’re wearing right now + "ie" or "y")
Strawberry Shoey. Meh.
14. HIPPY NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Bagel Dogwood. Nuff said.
15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: (”The” + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + “Tour”)
The Flying Trapeze Snow Tour. Oh yes. I'm hitting the road soon.