Ladies room etiquette

Why is it that we, the fairer sex, are such disgusting pigs when it comes to public restrooms?  What exactly happens when the doorknob is turned/door is pushed open?  Every female out there cannot be such a pig, even when hammered in Coconut Grove on a Saturday night.  I think I will take this opportunity to re-state some ground rules.

Office etiquette

Now, I can't speak for every office building in the country, state, city, or even county, but I think that if we followed some simple rules, we could all benefit.

Using our office as an example, we have three stalls in the ladies room (on our floor).  Two small stalls and one larger, handicapped-accessible stall on the far end.  I know who works here and I also know that we do not currently have anyone on this floor, or in this building that has use for the far stall.  This stall is the furthest from the door (which doesn't really make sense to make the handicapped ladies go further to use the facilities) and therefore should be used for those times when you really have no other choice but to, ahem, drop a deuce at work.  If we all followed this unwritten rule, no one would get slapped in the nose with a turd when walking into one of the smaller stalls.  At least if you go into the large stall, you can brace yourself for the potential smell.  Ladies.  Please.  Poo in the far stall.  It could be your own nose you save.

PS.  Having 7 to 10 cups of coffee a day does NOT help the situation.

Bar/Restaurant/Club etiquette

Okay girls, I know that you're out partying and having a grand old time, but when it comes time to break the seal, think about the rest of the party-goers, huh?

    • Please don't pee on the seat!  If we bitch at our boyfriends/husbands/little brothers/fathers not to do it, then why do we ignore our own rules?!?!  I know, I know, sometimes it just gets out of hand.
        • Sidebar – Gentlemen, yes, we shave/wax our tender nibbles for you, but know that pubic hair has a purpose and that purpose is to guide pee to the bowl without having it splash on our thighs, calfs, toilet seats.  So, feel lucky if your lady goes through that crap just for you.
    • If you do pee on the seat, wipe it off you drunk, lazy wench!  First and foremost, I can aim with the best of them, so you won't EVER see me put my ass on a public toilet seat.  If by chance I miss though, I am always certain to clean up after myself.  There is nothing more disgusting than going into a bathroom and seeing pee on the seat.  After all, it may be your head and face that will end up awfully close to that seat after that 20th shot of tequila that you shouldn't have had.
    • Keep your feminine hygeine products where they belong!  You know what I mean.  Get it in the garbage can.  Why are women so damn nasty?

That's my rant for the day.  Keep it clean ladies.

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0 responses to “Ladies room etiquette”

  1. Where am I?
    Re: Office Etiquette — I thought this was generally accepted as a rule. You're telling me it isn't? Ruh-roh. I suppose I shouldn't expect much in this 3rd world country of ours, especially given that we don't enforce the "Pass on the Left" law.

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