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    A walk around the block

    As you may know, I have the ultimate pleasure of working on Miami Beach.  No, that last sentence wasn't laced with sarcasm.  And no, the second sentence wasn't a total lie.

    Today, I needed to visit Mr. ATM and then grab a snack.

    Roboco came along for the trip and as we were coming out of the location with the ATM, one of the Duck Tour buses came by.  It is tourist season so the bus was loaded down, as was the sidewalk corner where we were standing waiting to cross.

    This snippet of tour guide-y-ness came floating through the air: "This is Lincoln Road.  Lincoln Road is one of the BEST open-air malls in the US."

    To which my response was: Who's he telling that lie to?

    Originally meant as an aside to Roboco, others on the sidewalk got a good giggle out of it too.

    But wait!  There's more!!

    There are some guys, hood rats, for lack of a better term, that are always standing on a certain corner trying to get people to buy stuff in the name of Wu.  I like Wu and all, I just get tired of these guys.  Why?  Because EVERY. TIME. I. WALK. BY. THEY. FEEL. THAT. THEY. HAVE. TO. TALK. TO. ME!

    Only me.  Every time.  And always ignoring whomever I am with, I am supposing, because of everyone else's lack of black.

    Happy holidays and all, but I'm not in the mood to hear what you have to say today.  So, with my head down and walking fast and trying so hard to NOT make eye contact, I push forward.  Doesn't matter.  I think it goes a little something like this:

    Wu-dude: Hey ma, you heard of Wu-Tang?

    Me: <sigh> Yeah. <keep walking>

    Wu-dude: Let me tell you about…

    Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Wu-dude: But come on…

    Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Wu-dude: But I'm in a magazine, I just wanna show you…

    ME: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    Roboco: <uncontrollable giggles>

    Seriously, I don't know why they keep trying.  Nothing against Wu, but they have enough money to support me for life.  They don't need my support.

    And besides, Lovey does enough supporting for both of us.

    Another day on the beach.  Brought to you by the words "no", "wu", and "bretzel".

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    This just in – Miami Beach hits all time low

    <insert Muppet show, news ticker sound>

    Miam E. Shyner here reporting on the truly disgusting things seen here on the beach.  Today's event as relayed by a co-worker.

    Co-worker #1 and co-worker #2 were walking down the street less than a block from our office.  At which time they spot a woman and her daughter of about 5 years.  As there is a lot of hustle and bustle on this particular street, they find it odd that these two are standing still.

    More odd is that the child is wearing a dress yet has it hiked up to her chest.  More odd still is that she's completely bare assed.  Most odd, and the low point of the day, is that they were standing over one of those grates in the sidewalk similar to one you'd see over a subway and the child was pissing into the drain.

    Had I seen this, I may have smacked that lady in the back of the head.  I work here and I have to smell that piss every day.  Find a bathroom pig.

    This is Miam E. Shyner reporting to you live from Miami Beach.

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