Another week has flown on by. As much as I dislike admitting it, time really does start to go faster the older you get. With nearly three quarters of 2013 gone (ok, more like 7/12), I can only wonder where the heck the year went. I do feel as though I’ve learned some things so far this year, though, and that there’s still more to take in before the year closes.
Something I never would have thought was possible seems to be happening. I’m staying fit simply by doing yoga three times a week. Or, at least, that’s all I’m doing in the gym. I laid off the cardio machines (and my hip thanks me), and I stay away from the weights. We’ll see if it continues to work out this way as I’m only basing this on about a month’s worth of yoga. But here’s hoping.
I’m also learning that it isn’t necessary for me to go balls to the wall 100% of the time and everything doesn’t have to be all or nothing. So maybe it’s taken nearly 40 years, but I’m finally getting to a point of being ok with just doing what I can. Can’t expect others to accept me as I am if I can’t accept myself. I’m a work in progress.
Meditating has positive consequences. Maybe not the first time, maybe not even the second or third, but if you stick to it and really give it the attention it needs, it works.
Sidebar: As I write this, I am sitting in my back yard, enjoying the sounds of the wind in the trees and taking in all the green. Unfortunately, one of our back neighbors is also at home. He is in a band. He plays the guitar– which I can handle. He is also singing. I am fairly certain that he does not sing in the band as he is more than a little off key. If he is singing in the band, well, it’s not a great wonder that they’re still playing locally.
With the guidance of my yoga instructor, Lexi, I’ve been working on unblocking/clearing my heart chakra as I’ve mentioned. Yesterday, I tried a different method that she mentioned and not only did I feel an emotional weight lift, there was a physical aspect as well. Later in the day after my meditation, I started to feel slightly congested, or moreso as though I was at the end of congestion. It was really neat to me to have this happen – the physical unblocking – although at the time I did wonder if I was just getting sick. The body is a really wild tool that we possess.
In non-body related news, I’m very much looking forward to this weekend. We’re taking a staycation down in Denver tomorrow night, complete with dinner out (likely at Edge because we love that place), a hotel stay, and Pirates baseball on Sunday afternoon. I’ll be that annoying girl with the huge Jolly Roger raising it as the Buccos take out the Rockies, hopefully in a sweep. Let the games begin…baseball AND football. Black and yellow till I die!
When we last left our superheroine, she was light-headed and falling over in her asanas…
Yesterday morning, I was wrestling with some things in my head which nearly overwhelmed me. I considered not going to yoga at all, but then I realized that not going just wasn’t going to help anything. So, off I went to the gym.
One of two things is going on. Either 1) I am getting better at this or 2) the instructor was taking it easy on us. I honestly don’t know which it was, but what I do know is that I felt like we were just getting started and it was already time for Shavasana. I am beginning to look forward to and enjoy this class. Sometimes, it is difficult to continue focusing on my breath, but I do my best.
On Monday, as you may remember, meditation was suggested. If you know me, you know that I have a pretty tough time sitting still. This week, I gave up coffee. I’ve been having a lot of Vanilla Rooibos tea. As a result, I am exhausted and one grumpy ass mofo. While I try not to take it out on others, I don’t always succeed. However, I digress.
After class, I was putting away my mat and the instructor asked how I was doing. My honest answer was “meh”. She asked if I had been meditating and I fessed up that I had not, possibly could not, do this. She has more faith in me than I do. She said that I should look into yoga nidra and that I could find downloads on iTunes. “You really should try this. Your body wants to meditate. I can tell.”
I have no idea what kind of silent signals my body is giving off that says I need to meditate or that my body wants to my brain is holding up progress. I do know it gives off that stupid neon sign that says “talk to me” that always blinks brightest when there’s a creepy guy nearby. But, if my body is giving signals that I’m oblivious to but others can see, I will take her word for this for now.
Like a good student, I downloaded the things that my instructor mentioned, and tonight, before bed, I will try to listen to at least ten minutes of them. They’re supposed to help you sleep better. I typically sleep as though someone has hit me in the back of the head with a blunt object so I’m assuming that this may put me into a temporary coma. I’ll let you know. Assuming I wake up tomorrow. Namaste.
I know, I know. It’s been forever since I last posted. Now that the shaming is out of the way, let’s continue.
This morning, like many mornings, I received an email that told me that I should write 750 words today. But this morning, unlike many mornings, I said to that email, “I WILL write 750 words today…I just need a topic.” When you ask, the universe provides.
Off I went to the gym for yoga. I stopped to take a picture of yet another of Colorado’s absolutely gorgeous sunrises and made my way. I’ve been going to yoga on Monday and Friday mornings for about a month now and last week I started throwing in Wednesday mornings as well. While the class is titled ‘Sunrise Yoga’, my inexperienced mind (and Google) say that this falls under Iynegar yoga. I’ve been seeing the same couple of people in the class with a mixture of new folks now and again, and the same instructor.
Sidebar: The first time I went to this class, I really thought I was not going to enjoy it as there were some real sourpusses. I’m glad I hung in there.
This particular morning, I chose to really try to focus on my breathing to ignore any discomfort that was coming from holding poses for quite some time. And this morning, for the first time, I felt extremely light-headed (and I wasn’t returning from an inversion), and immediately after the light-headedness passed, I felt as though I was going to break down into tears. Not one drop hits the mat and I continue, but I’m about to go into full wailing and shaking, breakdown crying. This. This was very new to me. After a few minutes, the feeling passed and I continued on with my practice.
At the end of class, after Shavasana, I was taking my time in returning to present and the instructor came over to complement me on my work for the morning. I thanked her and saw this as my opening to have a brief discussion about what had happened in class. I was (literally) able to corner her in the room where all the mats are to pose my question of what in the world happened to me today?!?!
I started out with, “I have a question for you” to which she immediately responded, “Are you getting light-headed?” At first, I was shocked that this would’ve been first out of her mouth, but upon further reflection, she *is* an instructor and probably hears things like this often. She talked to me about how sometimes this happens when we’re really using our breath and she said that I am probably like her in that I have the tendency to keep my abdomen tight and engaged which causes ‘reverse breathing‘ and therefore the light-headedness. In regards to the overwhelming emotion out of nowhere, she had a little less to say. She suggested that I meditate and see where I am right now and just to try to work through it. I think that I wanted a little more, but I also can see that portions of this are a personal journey. At some point today, I hope to find the time to take her advice.
Today’s weather is certainly not a reflection of my day so far. If anything, it is probably the exact opposite. On my way to yoga, the sun was rising and it was clear. After yoga, a heavy fog had settled in to the point that it was difficult to see more than 10 feet in front of me while driving. However, the thought occurred to me as I type, that maybe this weather is correct. Perhaps this fog that prohibits me from looking around is the exact metaphor for what I need to do, being focus on what is in front of me and give it my full attention as not to miss what is under my nose. These are things upon which to ponder.
Tonight, I close a chapter in my life. I started pole dancing nearly five years ago and tonight, I walk away from my last class in my home studio. It was a difficult but necessary decision for me. The time has come for me to branch out in different directions in arts that are a little closer to my circus love. As I try to do nothing halfway, I trade my pole for cash, and my cash for an apparatus that will assist me in my next journeys. I am sure my path will be filled with obstacles, I only hope that they are not insurmountable. Stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen. Life begins today.
I have always been a book lover. I knew there was a library here on the beach, but man, it's a LIBRARY! Seeing as how it's almost the first of the month (go get your welfare…so cash your checks and come on) and February holds big plans for the 1230, I think I should get my mind right as well as my body. Here's what I got:
After a long day at work and 2 hours of stories about what happened in middle school today, I think that this little gem will come in handy. Or at least I hope it does something to calm my mind and possibly end the nightmares.
There's a path that I want to follow and meditation is a part of it. There are other aspects as well that I may divulge at a later date.
Meditation is not just the mind, it's the whole body so sayeth the book. I really have to do the whole out with the bad in with the good thing. Soon.
And finally, this is the month's last step. I just decided that four books a month is good. I'll read them and possibly post little reviews of them. I'm currently in the train of thought that if I only eat a little, I don't have to exercise. Healthy? Probably not. So I'm going to try pilates in the morning instead of sitting in front of the computer to check websites that are blocked at work. Here's to a more fit me.
And here's to you Mrs. Robinson.