club med

The Journey #4 – Ain’t Cryin For Shit

Ooooh, boy does this song take me back. Hi Mario! Yeah, so there’s a small group of people who are going to get this song and unless I tag them on FB, they aren’t gonna even see this. BUT that doesn’t mean that this song doesn’t STAY in rotation on Spotify.

Back in the days of drinking. A lot. Like starting my shift at work with a mind eraser (straw version, hi Tania!)Like drinking all through the shift because trying to deal with a bunch of drunk people while you’re stone cold sober will have you punching people and losing your job. Like finishing your shift and going to the next bar and slamming down cheeseburgers like your life depended on it, lol.

Anywho, back in those days when everyone is pretty liquored up (Club Med, ya heard) after the main bar closed, off we headed to the after-bar bar. Of course, everyone is on a certain high and no one wants to bring that down just yet. Without fail, we would put this song on so Mario could rap it. But the first part is so slow and people would start to get mad. Complaining like we were at a high school dance all of a sudden. People knew me as the keeper of the booze so if I gave them a side eye, they piped down and right about then Mario busts it loose. Good times. Sharkies forever.

This is unrelated to anything but the 90s RnB is just HITTING today! Go look up DJ Cassidy and his Pass the Mic stuff. It’s great.

Ok, let me get into the update. MOOOOOOOOOD! Today, I’m feeling like I did a couple bumps after Shakeology. In this particular case, I’m not blindly making that comparison, lol.

I’m no angel. I’ve tried my fair share of illegal drugs. Starting with the black beauty I found in the couch as a kid (LOL I will never not tell that story, mom) I’ve seen the things. Cocaine is the ONLY drug I tried that I could 100% understand why people got addicted to it. Like why they wanted to go back and wanted to go back so badly. I did it twice in the span of a couple days and never again. Thinking back on that particular not wise decision will be enough. Besides, I’m obviously getting my crazy energy out of the Shakeology. Totally legal.

That actually takes care of both mood and energy. Still no weird cravings. What I am finding (again) is that I really gotta fuel myself better. I don’t have cravings, I’m just flat out hungry so it’s time to get back into making sure that I’m having my snacks. The first time I heard someone say I needed to eat 5 times a day, I thought they were out of their damn minds. This particular workout program is working me hard and I know because I am hungry. Breakfast, shake, lunch, snack, dinner, and then maybe some chocolate milk before bed. All the food. All the calories. Yes and yum. Gotta fuel the beast!

Ok, look. No one wants to talk about poop. Except me sometimes, lol. It’s just poop. We all do it. If you don’t, see a doctor. I spent a larger part of the day than I wanted to yesterday feeling like I had to poop. Every time I went in there, though, I got nothing but maybe a fart. That’s not to say I didn’t have my morning constitutional…twice. But then I just felt like I needed more. Then this morning poop acted like it needed a fucking written invitation. GTFOH you literal piece of shit!

Yeah, that’s probably a good place to end this today. You’ve had enough. But come back tomorrow because it’s Friday and the Reverend may be in rare form.

Bye, Norma!

Gasp and clutch your pearls! Did she just say that the great Marilyn Monroe could get the hell on?!? Damn right I did. So what? She ain’t/wasn’t perfect. *cough* JFK *cough *a bunch of other dudes* But this song for sure, she is wrong about.

I’m not a big jewelry hound. I’m not saying I don’t have any jewelry, because I do, I just don’t really wear it. I did wear it daily when I was going to work in an office, but now, I work remotely and hubby isn’t really interested in cute outfits with matching jewelry (not that anyone in the office was either, but I had standards to keep). So, yep, I put my wedding ring on if I’m going out somewhere, but other than that, my earrings/bracelets/rings/necklaces are just chilling in my jewelry box(es).

BUT, you know what is/are my best friend? SOCKS!! I have sock problems. No show, ankle, crew, knee, and thigh-high I have them all. Socks for sliding around the house, socks for sliding around the studio, and compression socks for working out. I LOVE SOCKS! I have stripes and checks, dots, hearts, and puzzle pieces. There are Batman, bacon, and Namaste as Fuck socks. Like I said, I have a sock problem. I’m ok with it though. Hubby enables me. When you’re married to me, it’s 1000% acceptable to give socks as a gift. Ain’t he lucky?

Let’s pop into the journey, shall we? Don’t stop believing.

Today in the shake, I learned a valuable lesson. I need to go ahead and puree my blackberries and strain them because I spent WAY too much time spitting out seeds while trying to drink my shake. *facepalm* However, having the right amount of fluid in it made it, again, something I didn’t hate. I wouldn’t say that I’m a picky eater, but I would go out on a limb and say that I have a refined palate. Thanks, Club Med! Introducing me to world foods. Texture is almost more important than taste in some cases. I’m weird. Know what’s great? The texture of a kiwi. I love the sandiness of it. See? Weird.

Anyway, nothing has changed with my mood or energy. I did have a brief moment of extra tired last night before it was time to actually be tired, but it passed pretty quickly. I’ve been sleeping like a champ. Solid 6.5 hours, pushing 7 over the last two weeks. The last two nights, the ole Fitbit said my sleep was excellent. We’ll see if that streak holds. I’ve never really had sleep issues, but high sleep scores are fun to see. I remain my same slightly grumpy at the world but generally pleasant self.

Still pooping. I think that the shake may send me to the land of two poops a day. I can deal with that being at home. Besides, we’re all walking around with like 5 pounds of shit in our colons (or so they say. Who knows if it’s true. Do you get an ultrasound of a colon? Can’t be an x-ray. MRI doesn’t really make sense. I digress. Not important. But what is important and kinda going along with the poop is drinking all of this water. First two days I had to pee just under a million times. Fortunately, the bathroom is right next to my office and my office is in my house and nobody cares how many times I pee. But if you’re at home often, this is the perfect time to up that water intake. Cuz you’re probably dehydrated.

Well, since my router died and now I gotta use data…peace!

The Journey: Day 2

Heeeeeey there! Welcome back. When we last left our heroine, she was setting about her day of doing IT stuff and stuff. As we’ve returned today, she’s doing the same thing! Imagine that. It isn’t always interesting, but it pays the bills and the people are nicer than Bob Ross and Mr. Rogers put together.

Let’s jump right into it. Today’s workout is done. Truthfully, something has to be really wrong where I don’t work out. Like an extreme amount of physical pain. I will work out through headaches and cramps and usually feel much better after in both cases, so a little bit of pain doesn’t stop the train. It wasn’t as sweaty as yesterday, but I know I still put in work. This is a whole new concept in working out, for me, anyway. It’s the way I wish I had always known or been taught to work out. Functional fitness is just everything that I need.

One of the things (a pair of things) that I am using to determine how my flexibility, strength, and mobility are changing is squats. The other is side lunges. Neither of these things is a strong point for me, however, I am certainly seeing some progress. Where I never could before, I can now sit all the way down in malasana AND I can stand back up without having to tip forward and use my arms. My squats have been shit for a long time, but I’m finally getting to a point of getting parallel to the floor without issue. Baby steps, ya know? Those side lunges? Hated them. Still do, but now a little less. Glute meds are opening up and I’ve gotta be breaking up some scar tissue around my hip.

I know you’ve been dying to hear about today’s shake. Well, wait no longer! It was, dare I say, tasty? First off, even though the instructions say use 8 to 12 ounces of water/milk, I didn’t do that yesterday. Then my shake was thick and gross and so whey forward that I scooped it like melted ice cream (but it wasn’t quite that satisfying). Today, I wised up and actually followed the instructions and whaddya know, not too bad. Now, truly, can you ever go wrong with the combination of peaches and crystallized ginger? I think not. Calling the shake a win today. The right amount of liquid plus fruit plus spice equals a tasty drink.

As I mentioned yesterday, mood and cravings are on the tracker. Again, not feeling really any different as far as mood. I have thought of something to be consciously aware of as far as mood goes, though, so I’ll keep an eye on that. No, I’m not telling you here because you don’t need to know every damn thing about my life. I mean, seriously. But seriously seriously, there are like 4 people reading this, so I could tell you where I buried all the bodies and no one would be the wiser.

DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT HIDDEN ANY BODIES ANYWHERE!! OMG

While the shake is supposed to curb cravings, last night I wanted something sweet from out of nowhere. We didn’t have anything so I didn’t eat anything, but I thought that was something of note. It wasn’t a level 10 get me cake or die craving, more like a level 2 passing thought of some cake would be nice. I can handle that.

ENERGIA!! (That is only funny if we worked together in Ixtapa…boobies boobies) Yup, plenty of energy. Possibly too much. It wasn’t the best night of sleep, but I’m going to go ahead and blame that on the storms that rolled in and stuck around a while. Somewhere in the middle of the night, there was thunder so loud it woke both of us up. Now, to wake Lovey up doesn’t take much, but I sleep through everything. Not that thunder. I wake up with plenty of energy and the levels stay high throughout the day unless I smoke my face off. Then I’ll be a little tired before 9, lol. But I’ll also be uber-relaxed. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have us smoking weed on the couch. (Legally. If you’re so uptight. I have a medical card for my state.)

What’s left? Everyone’s favorite topic! Poop! I’m such a good pooper. That’s what I thought until this morning when I went to the well and the well didn’t produce much. Huh. Oh well. HAHA. Sometimes it just takes a workout to get things moving and move they did so again I’ll check the box for regularity. Smooth.

Legit other things happen in my life and maybe one day I’ll get back to writing about those too. Who knows. But until tomorrow, drink your water, say your prayers, know your role and SHUT YOUR MOUTH! Jabroni.

Hot Cross Butters Buns

Welcome to today’s rollercoaster that is my stream of consciousness. There’s a lot going on with this one and it may not make any sense because I will probably just let it all fly. This is what it’s like to live with me.

Keeping the streak going with day two of giving you this brain dump. That’s part one of rolling. Of course, that led me to think about the song itself. It’s hilarious to me and made even more hilarious every time I think about the commercial with the lady with this stuck as the only song that would play in her car. I’m listening to it as I write this and I mean, chocolate starfish. How do you not laugh at that? Also, this got seriously sidetracked as I got way too into the song.

In my all-inclusive resort days, we did a lot of sketches and I always thought that this would be a funny one.

Lighting Cue: Dark Stage. Red spotlight on subject, soft yellow light to illuminate the area around the subject.

Scene: Fireplace, rug, side table with lamp, cushioned chair. Subject is wearing a smoking jacket, has a pipe and a large hardcover book.

Subject: <looks up at audience, opens book, clears throat> *tone: deadpan serious* Chocolate starfish.

Subject: <turns page, clears throat again> *read in a not-quite-Shattner way* Hands up. Now, hands down.

Subject: <brings hand to ear> Tell me. What are you going to do now?

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling.

What?

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling.

Come on.

Keep rolling, rolling, rolling.

Yes.

I promise you that this would be funny. Some of us talked about doing it but that was also in the days of small ears around so you couldn’t really be funny with the cursing. Ahhh, bummer.

This is also how the stream works. I had a whole bunch to say, but I also have work to do while I’m trying to get this all out. It just so happens that I almost always get interrupted and then kaboom! Where did all of those great ideas go?!?! Sumummabitch.

This is also how the stream works. Yesterday was tits out Tuesday and so I was thinking that today would be wangs out Wednesday but wangs is so boring. Maybe the Mid-Week Middle Leg? Wee Wee Wednesday? Wieners Out Wednesday? (That’s a definite possibility, h/t Leopold Butters Stotch) Oh yeah, it’s gotta be Butters.

Now that has been decided, the serious work can begin. *insert hard eye roll cuz we ain’t doing shit over here*

But speaking of whipping things out, about 25 (holy shit) years ago, I lived in New York. There was a radio station with a show that did all kinds of silly things, but one of the two that I really remembered was W.O.W. Whip em out Wednesday. They legit had bumper stickers printed up and tons of people had them on their cars. All you had to do was have one and you might, on a Wednesday, be the lucky recipient of a pair of flashed titties. (I was never a flasher…it was pre-boob job, lol) It was pretty amusing and somehow there was never a cop around or you never heard about anyone getting in trouble for it. Hmmmmmm. Probably wouldn’t fly today.

Ok, that’s it. I’m keeping it short and sweet. Come back tomorrow and I’ll tell you something funny again. Or you can ask me something in the comments and I’ll probably answer you, lol. Or you can request a story. PG-13 is the max dirty unless you wanna pay for it. 🙂

See ya tomorrow!

Breaking It Down On Day 2

Welcome back aboard the Navigator of the Seas. I’m your cruise director and here’s a wrapup of yesterday’s activities.

Fresh squeezed orange juice. Do you know how much I absolutely HATED it when someone ordered this when I was bartending in Sandpiper? With every fiber of my being is the answer and yet, I’m an asshole and I order it every morning because it’s included in my drink package and I have to have at least $20 a day in OJ and bubble water and bottles of water and Starbucks to make this worth it. I’m doing ok so far, I believe. I’m going to have to try waiting in line for them to make my eggs as I wasn’t in love with the scrambled. But who am I kidding, I’m an egg snob and I like them to taste the way they do when I make them, lol. This is why I want to have a breakfast restaurant. All breakfast, all the time. Eggs, and bacon and hash browns and waffles and p-cakes (Ant shoutout) and French toast and grits and oatmeal. Man, I love breakfast. Anywho…

I had been reading up on people’s reviews of the ship and any little secrets I could find out before we came on board. Through this reading up I found a Facebook group and another group and found out that there would be a get-together here on the ship with RAFFLE PRIZES. Yeah, I’m all about getting something for free, even if it’s just the chance for free stuff. Off we went at party time to check out a part of the ship that we hadn’t yet seen. Cute little nightclub area. We dropped in out raffle tickets and had some punch. Some neat little stuff that was given away – mostly all RC branded stuff, but that’s to be expected. Hats, visors, shoulder bags, beach bags, a diamond pendant(!), and the thing I wanted the most, a bottle of champagne. Won it!

Rained quite a bit yesterday and I managed to not fall down any stairs so I call that a win. The show was one of the best I’ve seen on an RCCL ship. Really funny guy who did an Elton John show complete with flamboyant outfits. On that entertainment point, I was certainly spoiled by Club Med. My expectations are high which leaves me disappointed almost every time. Not by this guy though, and not by the comedian during his adult late night show. Funny guy also.

Still rocking out my vegetable love. Probably a little heavy on the potatoes, but they make them so many ways and they’ve all been good. And I just love potatoes. I cannot help myself.

I think that the best part of the night was checking out the outfits on the dance floor in the nightclub. It was formal night and, while some folks get dressed for their pictures and then go change (like us), some folks just stay dressed all night. This was the case with Captain Fly Katt Williams Wannabe Without The Hair. Brother man was rocking out his cobalt blue pants with his matching blue and white striped shirt AND his matching blue fedora. He’s gotta be 60, easy. And let me tell you, when Flo Rida says low, low, low, low, low, low, low, that is where Captain went. I should’ve videotaped it. It was awesome.

We’re still out on the water for another day. There are certainly some fun things coming up in the next few days. You’re gonna want to stay tuned. Until tomorrow.

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