Breaking It Down On Day 2

Welcome back aboard the Navigator of the Seas. I’m your cruise director and here’s a wrapup of yesterday’s activities.

Fresh squeezed orange juice. Do you know how much I absolutely HATED it when someone ordered this when I was bartending in Sandpiper? With every fiber of my being is the answer and yet, I’m an asshole and I order it every morning because it’s included in my drink package and I have to have at least $20 a day in OJ and bubble water and bottles of water and Starbucks to make this worth it. I’m doing ok so far, I believe. I’m going to have to try waiting in line for them to make my eggs as I wasn’t in love with the scrambled. But who am I kidding, I’m an egg snob and I like them to taste the way they do when I make them, lol. This is why I want to have a breakfast restaurant. All breakfast, all the time. Eggs, and bacon and hash browns and waffles and p-cakes (Ant shoutout) and French toast and grits and oatmeal. Man, I love breakfast. Anywho…

I had been reading up on people’s reviews of the ship and any little secrets I could find out before we came on board. Through this reading up I found a Facebook group and another group and found out that there would be a get-together here on the ship with RAFFLE PRIZES. Yeah, I’m all about getting something for free, even if it’s just the chance for free stuff. Off we went at party time to check out a part of the ship that we hadn’t yet seen. Cute little nightclub area. We dropped in out raffle tickets and had some punch. Some neat little stuff that was given away – mostly all RC branded stuff, but that’s to be expected. Hats, visors, shoulder bags, beach bags, a diamond pendant(!), and the thing I wanted the most, a bottle of champagne. Won it!

Rained quite a bit yesterday and I managed to not fall down any stairs so I call that a win. The show was one of the best I’ve seen on an RCCL ship. Really funny guy who did an Elton John show complete with flamboyant outfits. On that entertainment point, I was certainly spoiled by Club Med. My expectations are high which leaves me disappointed almost every time. Not by this guy though, and not by the comedian during his adult late night show. Funny guy also.

Still rocking out my vegetable love. Probably a little heavy on the potatoes, but they make them so many ways and they’ve all been good. And I just love potatoes. I cannot help myself.

I think that the best part of the night was checking out the outfits on the dance floor in the nightclub. It was formal night and, while some folks get dressed for their pictures and then go change (like us), some folks just stay dressed all night. This was the case with Captain Fly Katt Williams Wannabe Without The Hair. Brother man was rocking out his cobalt blue pants with his matching blue and white striped shirt AND his matching blue fedora. He’s gotta be 60, easy. And let me tell you, when Flo Rida says low, low, low, low, low, low, low, that is where Captain went. I should’ve videotaped it. It was awesome.

We’re still out on the water for another day. There are certainly some fun things coming up in the next few days. You’re gonna want to stay tuned. Until tomorrow.

Hands Up!

Up there, that’s your proof that Zumba is Crazy Signs done at Carlos n Charlies or Senor Frogs.

I’m not sure why Tiburon was stuck in my head this morning outside of it’s a crazy sign and those always get stuck in my head. I had to look through a few videos to get that proof. I mean, seriously, if you were in Ixtapa, can’t you just see Jerry and Lalo up on stage doing this? (Or Rebo, Caro, Eden and myself) Along with a couple GOs of course. The whole thing reminds me of visiting a Carlos N Charlies in Cancun. Hubby was so awesome to play along when I went to dance with the folks that work there. I never mentioned anything Club Med to them, so they were mildly confused when I hopped right in and danced along with them. Too cute the waiter in front of me who kept moving my hands from his waist to his ass. VIVA MEXICO!! (A donde mi corazon vive)

I don’t know what the story is with this week where I’ve been having trouble realizing what day it is, but I do know that I’m not alone. A couple people at work have been having the same issue this week. This makes me feel good because it makes me feel like I’m not losing my mind, or if I am, I’m not the only one. I think it’s partially because my personal calendar has less on it and my work calendar keeps gaining timesucks meetings. I’m Rick Ross in this piece.

Let’s talk exercise for a minute, because, well, I almost always do. Today was a new set of exercises – back and biceps. You may call me Master P because UUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNN! I know that I will be feeling that tomorrow. I surprised myself at the beginning with how many unassisted pull-ups I could do and depressed myself at the end with how many unassisted pull-ups I could do (that would be zero because my arms were SHOT!). On the up side, I’ve reached a point in the program, that, as of today, there are no new workouts the rest of the way out. All that’s left is the pain I already know, so there is that bonus. I am going to be absolutely smoking for this cruise and the first pic I post shall be me all ripped up in that motherfucking split that I WILL HAVE by then. Pardon my dirty mouth. I’m rated R for mature language, mild violence, and sexual situations.

You know, quite often I wish I had a USB port in my head where I could simply download items to make room for new items. Oddly enough, I only just now realized that I sort of do in this blog. Sorry that you guys are my mind dump, but it’s much appreciated. I mean, you don’t want to see my head explode, right? Ok, so don’t answer that question. Instead, go enjoy the rest of your hump day. Toodles!


Today is my dad’s birthday. He would’ve been 69 today. I will take this moment to say Fuck Cancer. You are certainly missed, Dad. I sometimes see things and think how much you would’ve liked or really disliked them. You may not be here physically on this earth, but I know that you help to guide me in certain situations, and in others, you’re still letting me find my own way. I hope that wherever you may be, fishing on the banks of some really awesome river, that you are at peace and are proud of us.

Today is also Shaq’s birthday, so a happy birthday to him as well.

For my Club Medders, Happy Club Med To Ya.


Went to the range last night, and that’s my last 40 shots over there. I had started off strong, but my shoulders got super tired (hello, P90X) and so my shots just started going kinda allover the place. Overall, I’d say it isn’t bad considering it’s only the second time I’ve been out to the range with my gun and only the third time I’ve shot a handgun. Country girls shoot rifles and shotguns, you know. And, as it was  pointed out to me, I took out the threat and that’s all that really matters.

In other news, the workout pain is finally subsiding. Thankfully, this morning was “only yoga”, but it was Yoga X which means 45 minutes of vinyasas and another 45 minutes of balance poses and stretching. Hurts SO good!

It’s a shortie today. It’s Thursday! One more to go!

Aerial Awareness. Or, I Am A Cat

Many moons ago, after my first step off the board, I became addicted to flying trapeze. As my addiction grew, of course, I wanted to learn more and more. And involved in that more and more was flying without safety lines.

In order to reach my goal, there were tests that I needed to pass. Honestly, at the time, it felt like the powers that be were just stalling me for time, but looking back at it now, I know that it was all for good reason. I spent a LOT of time on the trampoline working on those seat drops (easy), swivel hips (easy), back drop (awkward but easy), stomach drop (scorpioned one or two, but got it), a few other moves that include the word drop, and the dreaded back drop to back drop. (Check this site if you want to learn more trampoline stuff.)

What all of this trampolining was teaching me was aerial awareness. Or, in layman’s terms, the ability to know where my body is in the air in relation to the super hard ground. After I finally reached my goal and was given the green light to take my first swing without safety lines, I knew one of the most amazing feelings on earth. There is almost nothing as freeing as sailing through the air, feeling and hearing the wind rush past your face and ears. LOVE! Now add a little flip, twist, or boost into the air and life has gotten even better.

I was able to continue my journey without safety lines for quite some time before that trampoline training actually came into play. You see, I’m a creature of habit and I get distracted when things are outside of the norm. So, on that fateful day, when there were about 5 people on the board rather than our usual 2 or 3, yes, I was distracted.

Let me preface the next part of this story with this: I have issues with pointing my toes. I know 1000% full well how awful flexed feet look in a performance (when it isn’t intentional). I work on it, I really do, but sometimes, my feet just want to be flexed.

I took off the board, throwing my uprise shoot (click to see video…not of me). Distracted. Not thinking of every detail of the trick. Down to my feet. My damnned flexed feet. My damnned flexed feet that caught on the bar and took me from uprise shoot to downward dive in a millisecond. A full trapeze trick from board to catcher and back to the board lasts about about 15 seconds. Practicing that trick to the net about half that time. In that about 8 seconds of trick time, about 1.5 of those are spent going to the net. 1.5 seconds is not a long time. Except if you’re falling head first towards the net. Time slows down when you just might break your neck.

Aerial Awareness training, ACTIVATE! Form of, a trampoline! Shape of, the person practicing on that nice, safe trampoline!

So here’s what’s going through my head in those 1.5 seconds: Tuck? Take it to my back? Tuck? Take it to my back? OSHITHERECOMESTHENETJUSTUCKANDSAVEYOURLIFE!!!! And so I tucked it in and landed nice and safely. I think I scared a person or two. But I made it. All that trampoline work was not for naught. Thank you.

Fast forward twelve years. Geez….twelve years. I’m in the studio and I’m trying a new move. Not odd to be trying a new move. Not smart to be trying a new move when I don’t have an out. When I’m head to the floor. When I don’t have a crash mat. And for whatever reason, however it happened, because I honestly couldn’t tell you, in that split second, I was not on the pole. Not with my hands, not with my legs, or feet, or with anything. And you know what? Aerial awareness training kicked in. I don’t think that I “thought”. I simply reacted. I don’t know how it happened, but with my head barely four feet off the floor, I somehow managed to get my feet to the floor first. I am a cat.

I like keeping all of my parts in their full and working capacities, so I likely won’t be making that mistake again. I hope that if you are on the pole trying something new that you won’t do what I do. That you’ll always know your out. That you’ll always have a spot. That you’ll always have a crash mat. Please. I want you around to hear my next rambling post. 🙂

Born on the Fourth of January

Oddly enough, I don’t know anyone whose birthday is today. Or, at least, Facebook says I don’t know anyone whose birthday is today.  So, if it’s your birthday, and you’re my Facebook friend, well, then you’re either going to have to speak up or tell Facebook when your damn birthday is so I can wish you a happy birthday next year.  🙂

As you’ve noticed, it’s a rambly kind of morning.  I somehow strained a muscle in my neck while walking up the stairs. I wasn’t even walking on my hands! Or my head! (Not that I can do either.) Oh well, SalonPas to the rescue!  Those little patches are the shyte. And they better get to work because I have to teach today. I love studio time. It’s so freeing. And yet, at times, so daunting. So stressful. But only daunting when a new move is hovering over my head, just out of my reach and being a jerk. Stressful when it’s time to put together a performance piece…and I use that term pretty lightly. The pros put together performance pieces; I put together a medley of hurky-jerky movements that I pass off as dance. I have placed all of my hurky-jerky movements together on paper and I must now attempt to give them dimension. I guess one day I’ll at least get comfortable with this and then maybe I can get good, lol.

In other news that is on the same subject, we now have two co-ed classes at the studio! I think that it’s pretty damn awesome that we can all play together. Probably my being pretty strong deters me from being angry that they can just pop into moves. I looked at myself in the mirror to check my form while I was showing one of the guys a move and was surprised when the reflection in the mirror asked me if I had my tickets… the gun show! Ha, I love that. Thanks, Cotto. But, yes, the guns are back! Now, if I could just get the rest of me there….

In other news that is not quite on the subject of Cotto, but of what he reminded me of, which is Club Med. I heard Everybody (Backstreet’s Back) yesterday and it made me so happy. I have this love for certain songs from them and N’Sync due to watching the boys perform them. Ahhh, shows.


The proper perspective can really change things. And I think my pole performances will change due to that. Sweet!

Anywho, whilst the smile is still upon my face, I will go forth and bravely face this day. Fare well in your quests, beloved reader(s) – I assume there’s more than one of you – and join me at this place tomorrow when we shall make more merriment. Tally-ho!