Laying Foundation

Ha! You see what I did there with that title and that video? I got jokes.

Last night, I visited a pole studio that I’ve visited previously, but not for a while since it’s kinda far from home. BUT, Shawnda asked and since she’s been over to my neck of the woods, I could certainly return the favor. Here’s a little nugget about rush hour in Denver: it took me an hour to go 8 miles, lol. Of course, it didn’t help that it had started raining/snowing and people were driving like it was the Indy 500 and therefore crashing like it was Saturday night at the Motordrome. Shout out to Smithon!

To accentuate how long it had been, when I walked in, I said hello to the instructor. She said hello back and then did a double take. “Whoa! I haven’t seen you in forever! I actually can’t remember the last time.” So,  yes, it’s been a while since I took a pole class strictly trick-related. We started out with a fun little combo. If you don’t dance, this will mean nothing to you, so just hang tight or skip ahead or something. For those of you that do, and for my own reference later, it went like this:

Girl on top, back hook, girl on top, step through to jasmine to the floor, two ninja turtles (lol, Shawnda)

We played with that for a little while and it was fun. I have to remember to keep my toes on the floor in ninja turtle, but other than that, I didn’t do too badly. Now, the other thing, lol. Teacher says while doing the moves: “Ok, so Apprentice, push out to Extended Butterfly, then tuck your hips to a Box Split. I’m not gonna leave out my non-pole dancing friends here. You can see the moves right there from left to right.

Nowwwww, not all of yinz know me or my broke ass hips, but that last move is pretty much just a no fucking way for me. My hips aren’t about that life, even though I stretch them daily. They’re making progress, but I’m nowhere near what is needed for that third move. Not that I would let these broke ass hips keep me from giving it a shot and providing some entertainment.

First move, sure, I can do that, because strength. Second move, yup, that was a go-to move on the regular when I was working out on the regular. So up I go and it goes like this: grunt, grunt, grunt, inverted grunt, hip cramp, scooch hands, scooch leg, get top leg lowered some, grunt some more, slide, slide, slide, find the pole with bottom leg, get both feet to the floor before I fall off the pole. All of this while people were watching. More people than I realized, lol.

After the grunt and scooch fest, the teacher comes to me and asks if I’m a runner. I reply that I am not. She says that something is making my hips tight. I tell her, yes, a partially torn labrum in one of them. We both laugh and she says, yeah, that’ll do it. Points learned: still got it, can roll with level 3s, hips are broke, I need to do more inverts because strong lower abs would help me in my handstand press. Oh, and I still enjoy it.

That’s all I’ve got today!

Patience ..I Haz None

You know I’m an all or nothing sort of girl. Balls to the wall. Vagina fueled arms. When I’m ready to go, it’s GO TIME! Just think how much I would get done if it were go time all the time. Alas, it is not.

It is window shopping time. It’s take a look around, you can look but you can’t touch time. It’s the time where I know what I need to do, but it’s just too damn early to get it done.

I’d tear everything down and live in a shell for a month, no big deal. I am already chomping at the bit to start doing so, but I know it’s too soon. In my head, I have this tentative date that we’ll drive off into the sunset (or actually sunrise in this case). For me, all the planning revolves around this date, but Lovey works the other way and feels like our departure date will depend on all the things we have to do. When IT minds divide, lol.

I’m biding my time by making lists and putting things in my planner. I knew that thing was gonna come in handy for SOMETHING this year. Besides sitting there being pretty. It’s become the repository for so many things, including the things that are in the cloud. Because you never know when your signal is gonna go straight to hell.

I’m acting like I haven’t ever moved across the country before. I’m acting like this is my first time. When in actuality, I’ve done this move already, just in reverse. I know what’s up. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. We know so much more about this than we did the first time so it’s gonna cost SO MUCH LESS!

Movers that lose your shit? No thanks. Car transport that is the equivvalent of ‘I got a guy’? Hells to the no. Planning out better overnight rest hotels? Yup. Possible doing a VRBO for the week we arrive so we can still be comfortable until we’re in our rental? Yes, most likely. See? Under control. Everything’s fine. Nothing is on fire around me. *walks away whistling*

I’m tapped out. But at least this came a little more easily today. On the topic of moving, I’m gonna move my ass tonight. Pray for me in a pole class when I’ve barely done a damn thing in close to a year. Be kind, Pole Gods!

Hasta la pasta!

Moving On

You know, I’ve known that I was gonna write about this since yesterday and yet, I’ve looked at my laptop at least 10 times and said ‘Later’ for no real reason. I see that writing fluidly again is going to be a battle. I hope I win. I have (another) book thought. That makes, oh, I don’t know, six? But they all stay floating around in my head, not getting written, not developing, not coming to life. I guess we all have our fears.

But this post isn’t about moving on past fears, because I’m just not sure how to do that just yet. It is, however, about the next chapter. Since it’s official (meaning I told my boss), I’ll speak openly (because you just never know who’s looking over your internet shoulder and that info should come from me) about our move. Yes, move. One mo gain. Crossing the country, back to Florida. You see, Colorado, you are nice, but buying a house here is for people that make more money than I do. Or, at least, buying a house that would be the house I would want to live in practically forever here simply isn’t feasible. So, off we go.

We have an outline and it gets filled in a little more all the time. We don’t have a solid leaving date though, lol. Some things still work in estimates. Packing has started though. Thinning of the clothing herd has started as well. I can’t yet donate the rest of the items because I don’t yet know if I’ll still need them. Fun, right? A few more weeks of waiting to find out if I get to keep my job and work remotely. If I get that ok, see ya work clothes! Well, with the exception of five super comfy dresses that I could rotate through if I absolutely had to and they’re still cute enough to wear out regularly. Look at me, doing adult stuff!

Location, location, location. We have ours pinpointed to between Port Charlotte and Lakewood Ranch. Tiny area, huh? (If you’re not familiar with SW Florida, it isn’t a tiny area.) I’m definitely open to hearing about awesome places or places to avoid. We spent a little bit of time driving around some of the areas and saw one or two that looked pretty decent, but you know you just never can tell with a daytime drive through.

Do you happen to know what will be in driving distance when I’m settled? Do ya know, do ya know, do ya know? Busch Gardens, baby. Season pass to that mofo. Why? Because I’m much more level-headed when I have that sort of adrenaline on the regular. Roller coaster fiend? Who? Me? Yeah, me. I’ve never had a season pass to an amusement park. This is exciting to me. I am a nerd.

I suppose I could ramble on about something else, but I’m not gonna push myself. I’ll try to see you tomorrow.

How Many Lights Do You See?

Before I get to the lights, let me tell you a little story.

You see, it’s been quite some time since I have written anything and the thoughts and reasoning behind why I’m back will be after the story when I will try to tie this all together and probably end up with a ball of knots. Anywho, for reasons to be explained later, I’m back. Usually, when I fall off and then show back up, I change the look and feel of the blog. It gets me kinda excited about writing again, or at least about looking at this page. Off I go to WordPress.

I’m not really picky with what I want the site to look like since there’s all of maybe five of you reading it and I’m not quite concerned enough to go do some CSS work. Proceed to downloading! First theme I didn’t really care for since it didn’t want to embed videos and videos are often quite related to the point I’m trying to make. The second theme looked good. I installed it. My site died.

Now, not to the point where if you just went to the site, it gave you a pretty 404 or anything. The Internet taught me that I basically had the white screen of death. Broke-ded-ed. Shit. Ok, well, I’ll just go change the theme from my dashboard. Ohhhhhh, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDGE! But I didn’t say fudge. Because I’ve got the WSOD on my dashboard. I can’t access my site. Sad face.

Lucky me, y’all. I’m a bright star when I wanna be and I know how to use dem dere dubbyas. Also, lucky me that I remembered how to actually access my account where this madness is hosted. And I know basic stuff. And FTP-ing. Yeah. Fixed. And damn if I can remember the name of the theme that killed my site, but if I do, you better believe I’m gonna complain.

Moving right along….

It seems that, as of late, I’ve had some anger management issues. Ok, they’ve probably always been there, but I maybe have letting it slip out a little bit lately. Pretty sure that my attitude has been THERE ARE FOUR LIGHTS! complete with the ‘get off me’ arm shake. Because there were four lights. You were right, Captain. Four. Fucking. Lights. Unfortunately, the Enterprise isn’t coming to get me and being right isn’t getting me anywhere except straight to the land of frustration.

What’s changed? What’s changed? Still working for the man. Still working out. Still getting my ommmm on. Ohhhh, hey, remember back when you used to write all the time? When you published gems like this or led congregations like this? Remember when you were funny? Like, regular funny, not I’m laughing but man is that chick a bitch funny. Remember when you could turn your anger to funny? Remember when you could let go of shit? Let it literally flow through your fingers and into the webiverse? You gotta get back there. And that’s why I’m back again.

I probably won’t ever go into specifics about anything because it’s 2018 and this isn’t private, but I’m sure that I can get back to funny me. I can shake em off like Picard, but those Cardassians we’re shaking off, they’re all the frustrations of the Corporate Federation. BUT I’M STILL THE CAPTAIN OF THIS MOTHERFUCKING STARSHIP! On this ship, it’s still a motherfucking party. It’s like a mullet. Business when we’re on-screen, party when we’re off. Right, Number One?!?!

Aaaaanywho, it’s Monday and does anyone else get an obscene amount of junk email in their work inbox related to other jobs?!?! It’s total madness. Dear Spam Emailers, I don’t make decisions! Leave me alone. Ok, I do make decisions. I’m the Captain, after all. And I’m back.

 

You’ve Got Mail!

Man, I loved me some Blue’s Clues.

This post, however, is not about Steve and Blue and Magenta and Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper and Paprika. It is about good old snail mail. Remember that? People actually communicated like that. Used pens and paper and whatnot (emphasis on the h). As a child, it was one of my greatest joys to get the mail.

I grew up living next door to my grandparents. We lived in the country. The COUNTRY. We lived on over an acre and there was a farm around the corner country. Deer grazing at the bottom of the yard country. You get the picture. Oh, no street name or house number country. Just a rural route and a box number. That my parents shared with my grandparents. I can’t remember what year it was when they finally named our road and gave us house numbers, but I remember it being about calling 911 and having emergency personnel be able to find us. Although, truthfully, everyone knew where everyone else lived or gave directions by landmarks. For example, take 981 South until the cemetery on your right. Turn right at said cemetery and go 7/10ths of a mile and look for the house with Christmas lights on the left hand side.

But anywho, the mail. I loved to get the mail in the summer and sometimes during the school year because the mail would sometimes come really late. More often than not, my grandparents would indulge me in my little girl silliness. I was spoiled in my mail watch also. Gram and Pops installed a little yellow flag on a spring that they picked up that, when the door to the mailbox was opened, would pop up to let you know you had mail. So I would look out our front window down to the bottom of the yard to see if the mail had come when I thought I heard the mail truck go by.

After getting the mail, I would go to my grandparents’ house to sort it out. Funny, I almost never went in their front door. I would go around the back because the front door is for visitors. Typically, my grandfather would be sleep watching a soap opera and my grandmother would be sitting at the kitchen table doing a word search. OMG, sidebar.

I would do word searches with my Gram all the time. It’s partially due to her that I have this love of puzzles and word games. Well, one day we’re sitting at the kitchen table doing a word search and I am kinda leaning over her arm. Much to my horror, a dried up booger fell out of my nose and right into the center of the puzzle. Gram never said a word. Brushed the boog onto the floor and circled the next word.

I’d sort the mail out with my grandmother, and then, if I wasn’t going back up to the house right away, I’d put our mail on top of the fridge with part of the envelope sticking out. It was our little yellow flag inside the house.

Jump forward 30-ish years. I still love getting the mail. I love getting mail. Even when it’s junk. I mean, I realize that there’s a waste factor involved. But for me, it’s the difference between having a book in my hand as opposed to my Kindle. Luckily, hubby indulges me in this level of silly also. In the decade and change we’ve been cohabitating, pretty sure I can count on one hand the number of times that he’s gotten the mail if I didn’t specifically ask him to. I am a special star. I know.

How’s about it? Got a quirk you wanna share?

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