2016

1/30 The April Challenge

So first, a preface.

I saw a post on Facebook a few days back that had writing prompts for the month of April in a sort of challenge form. Knowing that I needed to get back to writing to possibly kickstart actually writing something, this felt like something good to do. I’ve recruited some folks to play along (I think), just as I was pulled in. Here we go.

Five Problems with Social Media

How ironic, seeing that social media is where I found this challenge, but there’s plenty of them. Sorry this will be a bullet pointer rather than an actual blog.

  • Know-it-nothings: We’ve all run across this person, whether the person is on Facebook or sits next to you at work. He claims to know everything about every topic ever presented, but really just talks out of his ass (like Trump, you know?). And the KIN really hates to be called out on his bullshit. Facebook, and to a lesser extent, Twitter, is his playground. And Facebook is where he thrives because so many people will take everything they read there as fucking gospel and then spread that shit like the plague. KINs on Facebook are part of the dumbing down of our society.
  • Wizards: Not like the D&D kids, but fairly closely related to the KINs. These are the people who don’t care if they’re right or wrong, they’re gonna post that bullshit and stand behind it….on Facebook. If you met a wizard on the street, they’d likely be too chickenshit to spew their garbage to you in person, but, much like the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz, they have this great curtain to hide behind while telling themselves they’re tough or important or that their message should be heard. Fuck yinz guys.
  • Unicorns and Glitter:  100% honesty here, I am guilty of this. It doesn’t matter how I try to spin it to myself, I’m still guilty. I post the happy shit, the pleasant shit, the shit that makes you laugh or smile. Personally, I don’t think that my friends want to hear about my cramps or constipation or any other less than awesome thing that’s going on in my life. But life’s not perfect, folks, even though that’s what we portray to our friends. Remember life before social media? When you really talked to your friends face-to-face? So they knew that shit wasn’t perfect even without you changing your profile picture to the biggest fucking smile you have? Your FRIENDS. Not your Facebook friends. The real people who know you and care about if you’re having the best day ever or the worst day of your life and want to hear about both. Social media slowly but surely takes that away, if we let it, of course. Go call your BFF. Call, not text!
  • Savages: Again, keeping it 100, I’m not going to sit here and say that I haven’t laughed at a comment that was “savage”, but it’s like it’s become a goal. Let me see what I can say about this that is the most horrific and insulting thing that will still get a laugh because we’re all morally bankrupt. Why can’t our goal be to be the anti-savage? Let’s start saying things that lift people up instead of tearing them down. I know we won’t because we’re already 30 miles down that highway to hell and there’s no stopping us now.
  • Timesuck : I spend waaaaaaay too much time on social media. Time I could be using to read, or write, or work on the Mighty Methed Out Power Strippers (ha, look them up on Facebook), or doing yoga, or exercising or stretching, or so many other things. I look at Twitter every now and again, and Instagram less more and more, but Facebook, that fucker, just caresses my soul. One minute it’s 7:30 and the next minute it’s 9:00. I really should delete the app from my phone. Hey, maybe I will. For this month. If I can make it that long. I need rehab.

And none of this is April Fool’s. But this, my friends, is definitely the end of this post. See you tomorrow.

Adventures in Acupuncture

So, after quite a few years of general discomfort, physical therapy, chiropractic care, and a severe aversion to needles (yeah I have tattoos and piercings, shut up), yesterday I bit the bullet and had my first acupuncture treatment. And because I don’t do anything half-assed (such a lie), I didn’t have just plain old acupuncture, I had electro-acupuncture.

Fortunately, I’ve been visiting this office for nearly five years now so I have a level of trust with them. I don’t honestly think that I would be able to go to a complete stranger for this. But these folks, they get me, and they basically just give me shit about being a wuss about it, considering some of the other things I do for fun.

Ok, in the room. Laying on the table. Pulling my sweater up over my eyes because NEEDLES! Meanwhile, the doctor is getting a good chuckle out of this. Probably because he knows that my pain tolerance is somewhere close to off the charts and I’m worried about THIS?!?! Of course, my morbid sense of curiosity outweighs my irrational fear of needles and I eventually started to look at what they were up to.

I’d venture to guesstimate that I had about 20 needles going. I know for sure that there were 2 in each hand, 4 in each leg around the ankle, a few around the inside of my knee, and then 4 or 5 more up in the hip area that causes me the most agita. Doc tells me as he’s putting the first needle in and I’m cool because I don’t feel anything. Next needle to go in pinches a little. A whole bunch more that I don’t feel until I feel another one.
Before they even have all of the needles placed, needle number one starts itching like a motherfucker. I can’t reach it to scratch it and I figure I shouldn’t if I could. But I certainly ask why the hell I’m so itchy all of a sudden. It’s normal they say. Means it’s working they say. Umm, ok, I’ll take your word for it.

All the needles are placed, now it’s time to fire me up. Yup, let’s attach some tiny electrodes to the end of some of these tiny needles so we can microjolt you into better health. This wasn’t bad since I’m accustomed to stim, just with pads instead of needles.

And now, the worst part for me, the wait. Since I had needles in my hands with electrodes attached, I couldn’t read or do anything on my phone. Lights out and try to relax. LOL, yeah right. If you know me, you know that sitting still isn’t one of my strong points. Longest 20 minutes of this year. But I made it. Needle removal was no big deal, even the one spot that bled just a little dot and then acted like it was gonna bruise.

Released from the office with instruction to hydrate well. Apparently, in this instance, beer doesn’t count as hydration, or so they say. Bummer because I really had a taste for one. There’s always today though.  And after all of this, what did I learn?

Lessons learned:
·         Acupuncture information, like charts, is not the easiest thing to find on the internet and I am internet SAVVY.
·         Based on what I could remember of where the needles were placed, I seem to have issues in my liver meridian which goes along with my wood qi deficiency. They sorta go hand in hand. And based on ailments I read, I think I’m on the right track.
·         Acupuncture isn’t the worst thing on earth. I don’t love it, but I’ll go again to see what sort of changes, if any come of it.

And there you have it. My pincushion cherry has been popped. Tune in again next week to see if I survive another round.