Adventures in Acupuncture

So, after quite a few years of general discomfort, physical therapy, chiropractic care, and a severe aversion to needles (yeah I have tattoos and piercings, shut up), yesterday I bit the bullet and had my first acupuncture treatment. And because I don’t do anything half-assed (such a lie), I didn’t have just plain old acupuncture, I had electro-acupuncture.

Fortunately, I’ve been visiting this office for nearly five years now so I have a level of trust with them. I don’t honestly think that I would be able to go to a complete stranger for this. But these folks, they get me, and they basically just give me shit about being a wuss about it, considering some of the other things I do for fun.

Ok, in the room. Laying on the table. Pulling my sweater up over my eyes because NEEDLES! Meanwhile, the doctor is getting a good chuckle out of this. Probably because he knows that my pain tolerance is somewhere close to off the charts and I’m worried about THIS?!?! Of course, my morbid sense of curiosity outweighs my irrational fear of needles and I eventually started to look at what they were up to.

I’d venture to guesstimate that I had about 20 needles going. I know for sure that there were 2 in each hand, 4 in each leg around the ankle, a few around the inside of my knee, and then 4 or 5 more up in the hip area that causes me the most agita. Doc tells me as he’s putting the first needle in and I’m cool because I don’t feel anything. Next needle to go in pinches a little. A whole bunch more that I don’t feel until I feel another one.
Before they even have all of the needles placed, needle number one starts itching like a motherfucker. I can’t reach it to scratch it and I figure I shouldn’t if I could. But I certainly ask why the hell I’m so itchy all of a sudden. It’s normal they say. Means it’s working they say. Umm, ok, I’ll take your word for it.

All the needles are placed, now it’s time to fire me up. Yup, let’s attach some tiny electrodes to the end of some of these tiny needles so we can microjolt you into better health. This wasn’t bad since I’m accustomed to stim, just with pads instead of needles.

And now, the worst part for me, the wait. Since I had needles in my hands with electrodes attached, I couldn’t read or do anything on my phone. Lights out and try to relax. LOL, yeah right. If you know me, you know that sitting still isn’t one of my strong points. Longest 20 minutes of this year. But I made it. Needle removal was no big deal, even the one spot that bled just a little dot and then acted like it was gonna bruise.

Released from the office with instruction to hydrate well. Apparently, in this instance, beer doesn’t count as hydration, or so they say. Bummer because I really had a taste for one. There’s always today though.  And after all of this, what did I learn?

Lessons learned:
·         Acupuncture information, like charts, is not the easiest thing to find on the internet and I am internet SAVVY.
·         Based on what I could remember of where the needles were placed, I seem to have issues in my liver meridian which goes along with my wood qi deficiency. They sorta go hand in hand. And based on ailments I read, I think I’m on the right track.
·         Acupuncture isn’t the worst thing on earth. I don’t love it, but I’ll go again to see what sort of changes, if any come of it.

And there you have it. My pincushion cherry has been popped. Tune in again next week to see if I survive another round.

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