28 to go. Also derp

You may or may not be aware that I work out a decent amount. My weight fluctuates within the same ~6 pound range all the time. I’m cool with that. I figure it’s just water. (Um, yeah, so just go ahead and keep it to yourself if it isn’t water and let me have a sunny parade, kthxbai!)

You also may or may not be aware that I am really, REALLY derp-y at times. So, yes, I work out in this constant 6 pound battle, but shit, I’m 44. That’s probably normal. But I also work out for stress relief and I just generally have more energy throughout the day if I work out in the morning. Much to my husband’s chagrin, I weigh myself daily. And here’s where the derp comes in. I basically, in the back of my mind, always think I’m sick. It’s kinda silly, but not entirely. Imagine the person running down the street screaming as everything is burning around her. Yeah, that’s me when I got on the scale this morning and had dropped two pounds from yesterday. OMG I AM DYING FOR REAL! See? Derp-y.

In other news, I’m STILL PACKING.

In other other news, earlier this week I decided to pick up a jump rope for the first time in forever. In my typical fashion, I was annoyed that I couldn’t pick up the rope and immediately do every cool thing ever. I have no cool things. But I’m still trying. I mean, the cardio is fabulous, first of all. I have the basic bounce down, no problem. Next step is the boxer skip. Without the rope? No problem. Add the rope and I’m like a pony on crack. All kindsa herky jerky and falling over myself. Pretty funny actually. That was Tuesday. This morning I still had the pony thing going on, but maybe the pony only smoked a little weed instead of going full out with the crack. I call that a win in only a couple days. I got a cheapie rope that’s super thin. Ive already given myself welts. Yay!

That’s probably enough for today.

30 Days in the Hole

Well, it was 30 days when I had this idea in the shower. Now it’s 28, but the sentiment remains. 28 days of putting on this smile, biting my tongue, and then walking away unscathed. Yep, an official end of work date has been reached. When people ask me if I’m excited to move, I usually say no, I’m not. Because I’m not. I don’t mind it because I’m a gypsy and we’ve been here for 8 years so it’s about that time on that internal clock. But at the same time, I just want to skip over the packing the house, driving across the country, unpacking the house part. Can’t we just be there and be settled? Ok, ok, I know we can’t.

This is the third time I’ve packed up the house now and there will be at least one more time. One of the positives to this (the only one, really), is that I REALLY know what all we have. It used to be a lot of junk, but things keep going away. Outside of photos and mementos, if I haven’t touched it since we’ve been in Colorado, I probably don’t need it. A nice chunk of stuff got recycled today, as a matter of fact.

By the way, is it super weird that I have EVERY card that hubby and I have given each other over the course of our almost 13 years? Weird or not, it’s true.

The packing is in full effect now. It’s weird that I feel like I keep packing things but everything looks the same like I haven’t put anything away. I have to have done something though, or at least that’s what the 20 boxes in the basement say. All of the Christmas stuff is packed up and secure (side note, new place is big enough to put up the tree and the village should I happen to get the Christmas bug up my ass…and I probably will because I think that Chloe would dig seeing the village) and that was an effort in and of itself. I know it’s May, but we haven’t packed up the snowboarding stuff yet. I mean, A Basin is still open and maybe I should see it before we leave? If my hips can take it. If not, that’s an easy pack. It’s already been discussed and we know what goes where.

I am once again noticing the glut of kitchen appliances that we have for mostly no reason. If we don’t have five different ways to make coffe, we don’t have one. How many sandwich makers?!?! Ooooh but bread! There, I’m excited to use the bread maker at sea level because it’s been a fucking disaster every time we’ve tried at altitude. Crock pots and roasting pans, waffle makers and three(!) hand mixers. WHY?!?! I need to offload some stuff, but it’s already packed now. Looks like I’ll try to find a place over there to donate them.

You know what’s exciting? A new bedroom set. Yeah, that. That, I am excited about. And new living room furniture. That one isn’t just yet, maybe not for another year, but it’s on the horizon baby! Also exciting is not dragging that heavy ass shit back across the country. No movers, just us this time. And I bet it goes a hell of a lot more smoothly.

I know I’ve said this before, but I’m going to try to keep this updated throughout the move process. All the way over to Florida. Maybe even some vlogs, who knows. But until then, I gotta go do some work. 😉

Time of the Busy Bee

I’m not a big planner of things to do. I mean small things to do. I’m a big planner about this move. It could be just about 10 weeks until go time. That sounds really short. Right now, it feels really long. It isn’t that I’m in a hurry to move, but I know what needs to get done and I want to be able to move forward with it. Sitting on my hands has never been my strong suit. Sitting on yours could be another story. Ha!

Not being a big planner, it was odd for yesterday, today, tomorrow and Saturday to all have something to do. Neat! I’m busy! I have a grown-up life. I’m going places and seeing people. And on Sunday, I will hide in my hidey hole because it will have all been too much, lol. But I will have gotten the job done. I go to work. Baby.

In a complete change of topic, I bought this foot exfoliating mask and it arrived today. I’ll be able to tell you in a week how it worked on my crusty ass feet. Spring is almost here and these feet are not ready! It’s supposed to smell like lavender. That is not what I associate this smell with. To me, it kinda smells like a relaxer. Hell, if that’s what’s in there, no wonder the top layer of skin is supposed to peel off your feet. Only modern technology could have it not leave third degree burns all over your feet. (Yeah, I’ve burnt myself once or twice back in the hair straightening days. Begone, chemicals! Live free, nappy ass dreds!)

Sidebar: Did you ever just sit back and watch someone be so lazy that they just hope something will magically resolve itself? It’s frustrating. Trust me.

N.E.(Heartbreak) Who.  There are images elsewhere, but I’m on this journey to get my freaking split by the time I hit my birthday. I’ve been on and off again with trying this for a while, but this time, I’m totally cereal, you guys. Now, I don’t really think that the leg exercises that are happening damn near on a daily basis are helping me out, but strong legs are always gonna be more important to me than a flat split. Cuz, let’s be honest, I’m never gonna be that graceful swan. I’m more like a mottled duck – bigger, not as fast, but I’ll still come after your ass if you piss me off. (One chased me when I was in Florida. I didn’t even do anything to it. Dick.)

In other goals, also documented elsewhere, ten pullups. Back in the day, the Club Med day, I could bust out ten no problem. Throw in some 1-2-3s for good measure. Not so much any more. But, I’m getting in my time machine every freaking morning. Well, 6 out of 7 mornings. And every day I get a little bit closer to being back at that day where I can do ten. I’m 70% there. And now that I’ve mentioned 1-2-3s, I need to add those in to the rotation. Those would help with presses. And that’s all hoping that my guts don’t explode, lol. Poor abs.

For the three or so of you reading this, do you prefer the writing style where it feels more like I’m talking to you or more when I’m kinda just thinking out loud? Just curious. Same tree, different branch, I’m trying to get these writing juices flowing. Ideas to continue this one story I want to work on like to show up in the shower. Probably why I spend too much time in there and my feet look so terrible, lol.

Ok, I’m done. No need to stretch it. I’ll be back tomorrow, or when I have something to blather on about. Later!

Laying Foundation

Ha! You see what I did there with that title and that video? I got jokes.

Last night, I visited a pole studio that I’ve visited previously, but not for a while since it’s kinda far from home. BUT, Shawnda asked and since she’s been over to my neck of the woods, I could certainly return the favor. Here’s a little nugget about rush hour in Denver: it took me an hour to go 8 miles, lol. Of course, it didn’t help that it had started raining/snowing and people were driving like it was the Indy 500 and therefore crashing like it was Saturday night at the Motordrome. Shout out to Smithon!

To accentuate how long it had been, when I walked in, I said hello to the instructor. She said hello back and then did a double take. “Whoa! I haven’t seen you in forever! I actually can’t remember the last time.” So,  yes, it’s been a while since I took a pole class strictly trick-related. We started out with a fun little combo. If you don’t dance, this will mean nothing to you, so just hang tight or skip ahead or something. For those of you that do, and for my own reference later, it went like this:

Girl on top, back hook, girl on top, step through to jasmine to the floor, two ninja turtles (lol, Shawnda)

We played with that for a little while and it was fun. I have to remember to keep my toes on the floor in ninja turtle, but other than that, I didn’t do too badly. Now, the other thing, lol. Teacher says while doing the moves: “Ok, so Apprentice, push out to Extended Butterfly, then tuck your hips to a Box Split. I’m not gonna leave out my non-pole dancing friends here. You can see the moves right there from left to right.

Nowwwww, not all of yinz know me or my broke ass hips, but that last move is pretty much just a no fucking way for me. My hips aren’t about that life, even though I stretch them daily. They’re making progress, but I’m nowhere near what is needed for that third move. Not that I would let these broke ass hips keep me from giving it a shot and providing some entertainment.

First move, sure, I can do that, because strength. Second move, yup, that was a go-to move on the regular when I was working out on the regular. So up I go and it goes like this: grunt, grunt, grunt, inverted grunt, hip cramp, scooch hands, scooch leg, get top leg lowered some, grunt some more, slide, slide, slide, find the pole with bottom leg, get both feet to the floor before I fall off the pole. All of this while people were watching. More people than I realized, lol.

After the grunt and scooch fest, the teacher comes to me and asks if I’m a runner. I reply that I am not. She says that something is making my hips tight. I tell her, yes, a partially torn labrum in one of them. We both laugh and she says, yeah, that’ll do it. Points learned: still got it, can roll with level 3s, hips are broke, I need to do more inverts because strong lower abs would help me in my handstand press. Oh, and I still enjoy it.

That’s all I’ve got today!

Patience ..I Haz None

You know I’m an all or nothing sort of girl. Balls to the wall. Vagina fueled arms. When I’m ready to go, it’s GO TIME! Just think how much I would get done if it were go time all the time. Alas, it is not.

It is window shopping time. It’s take a look around, you can look but you can’t touch time. It’s the time where I know what I need to do, but it’s just too damn early to get it done.

I’d tear everything down and live in a shell for a month, no big deal. I am already chomping at the bit to start doing so, but I know it’s too soon. In my head, I have this tentative date that we’ll drive off into the sunset (or actually sunrise in this case). For me, all the planning revolves around this date, but Lovey works the other way and feels like our departure date will depend on all the things we have to do. When IT minds divide, lol.

I’m biding my time by making lists and putting things in my planner. I knew that thing was gonna come in handy for SOMETHING this year. Besides sitting there being pretty. It’s become the repository for so many things, including the things that are in the cloud. Because you never know when your signal is gonna go straight to hell.

I’m acting like I haven’t ever moved across the country before. I’m acting like this is my first time. When in actuality, I’ve done this move already, just in reverse. I know what’s up. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. We know so much more about this than we did the first time so it’s gonna cost SO MUCH LESS!

Movers that lose your shit? No thanks. Car transport that is the equivvalent of ‘I got a guy’? Hells to the no. Planning out better overnight rest hotels? Yup. Possible doing a VRBO for the week we arrive so we can still be comfortable until we’re in our rental? Yes, most likely. See? Under control. Everything’s fine. Nothing is on fire around me. *walks away whistling*

I’m tapped out. But at least this came a little more easily today. On the topic of moving, I’m gonna move my ass tonight. Pray for me in a pole class when I’ve barely done a damn thing in close to a year. Be kind, Pole Gods!

Hasta la pasta!

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