The windows of the church are open and a lovely summer breeze is blowing through. Sun shines through every window of the house. The church and its occupants feel renewed, particularly the Reverend.
I think a little relaxing Neil Young is appropriate for this morning that we have gathered together in the new house of ROCO. The good Reverend is a little happy, a little relaxed and a little ready to lead her congregation into the weekend. Let the congregation say, ROCO!
Today, my good people, I wish to extoll the virtues of paying an extra couple bucks for lifetime servicing. Two years ago, I had to purchase new tires for my used car. Said car was a gift (thanks be to MommaShyner's husband). So, the Green Machine's got some 17' wheels on it, yeah, rims too. She looks so nice when she's clean, but I digress. When I purchased the tires, they added on the lifetime service. Any time I got a nail in it, or got a flat or anything like that, I just roll on up to Tire Kingdom and voila, it's fixed. Well, yesterday on the way home from work, I felt the car was driving a little funny. And when I drove over one of those little reflectors in the middle while changing lanes and heard a hellacious thump, I knew that something was wrong. At my earliest opportunity, I pulled over to find that, indeed, my tire was darn near flat. I limped over to Tire Kingdom and asked them to fill 'er up. That's when we saw a big 'ole sliver of silver something or another sticking out of my tire. WAH! But, at no charge to me but my time, my tire is fixed and the Green Machine is rolling once again. Hallelujah! And ROCO!
Summer is upon us. Now is the time for the ROCO congregation to go out and gather more folks for the flock. Spread the love, spread the word! ROCO for everyone!
Speaking of summer, welcome to it. Get a pedi then get your flip-flops out. Don't wear socks and sandals. If you do, you will be ridiculed by the congregation. Go to the beach! Wear sunscreen. Sunshine on your shoulders really does make you happy….oh the fun I've had with that one.
It's time for BBQs and fireworks, ribs and beer, chicken and waffles (WHAT?!?!) and all that summer stuff.
It's time for wing cookoffs and bar crawls. Pray for me tomorrow evening please.
It's time to love yourself and love your neighbor. It's time to gather your friends and family and let them know that it's okay. It's certainly okay to ROCO!
So, on this summery Friday, on this payday for some, on this day where I have cake even though I'm supposed to be on a diet, on this day where I'm doing what I do best (procrastinating), I want to gather the flock in close and let you all know that I appreciate you joining me here in Fridays. Without you, I am just one and one alone cannot properly rock out.
With that, I am going to close today's sermon. Take with you the love and spread it ROCO-style.
I realize that most of you won't be able to read it because only people with whom I REALLY have no desire to converse can see it. I'm pretty sure that, in big, bright, flashing letters it says:
PLEASE TALK TO ME! I DON'T CARE IF YOU SMELL OR WE DON'T SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE, SPEAK TO ME ANYWAYS. OH YEAH, IF I MAKE LIKE I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU, KEEP TALKING!
Right, so I went to get some french fries and happened to be in the line of the cashier who must have been haveily medicated as he was moving at the speed of, well, slow. In front of me is a short, hairy, slightly smelly man. Now, when I say short, I mean shorter than me. I'm 5'2" Get the picture? Let me paint more. Button down shirt, open at least three buttons exposing his gold necklaces making love to his gray chest hair. Throwing up yet?
He's staring at me and starts to speak to me in Spanish which I politely ignore. Lucky for me, he's bilingual! Here's what he's staring at:
He then proceeds to start talking about my necklace and how it's so delicate and blabitty, blabitty, blah. I'm sorry, I just want to get my fries and leave. But, slow boy cashier has NOT picked up the pace. I have given either one word answers to his incessant questioning or ignored it completely, but does that stop him? Uh, hell no.
His next line is that I look like an artist. No, wait, an actress. I've seen her, yes, she is very funny. I look just like her! Did I justify this with a response? No. But I do know about whom he was speaking because I've heard it before. Let's take a poll. Do you think I resemble this person (outside of skin color and hair)?
Riiiiight. Oh, yeah, I have my glasses on today since I like to see. Anyways…
You might think that the conversation would end here, but no, it doesn't. Because I look like her except younger. What are you, like 19? I'm 34. 24? No, 34. WHAT?!?! Well, it is certainly not because you eat here all the time. Do you cook at home?
I'm sorry, I fail to see how this is any of your G-D business!
At this point I have my cell phone out and am texting furiously to deter him from speaking to me further. Not working. I'm not even kidding when I say that this next part is a direct quote.
"If I'm not bothering you, what is it that you do?"
IF YOU'RE NOT BOTHERING ME?!?! <sigh>
I'm an analyst. Ohhh, you must be the boss. No, I'm not the boss. I do not wish to be the boss. Ohhh, but why not?!?! <insert desire to punch an old man here>
Well, you must give me your card. (thank goodness that I've only recently been promoted and my cards are not in yet) I just ignored that request.
He says that he is writing a book. He's "green". For the last 5 years he's been riding his bike everywhere. He doesn't pay for gas (although I don't know if that means he steals it). His book is about being green. Hey, way to be original. So, tell me, analyst, how can I market my book. <insert larger desire to punch old man here>
I'm not in marketing. But you're an analyst! OMG, please get your food and go away now!
And finally, he did. Another day on South Beach.
Pinwheel, pinwheel spinning around, look at my pinwheel and see what I've found.
Pinwheel, pinwheel, where have you been? Hello, how are you and may I come in?
Pinwheel, pinwheel spinning around. Look at my Pinwheel and see what I found.
Pinwheel, pinwheel, breezy and bright. Spin me good morning, spin me good night.
- I can still remember Pinwheel and smile fondly
- Kiddo is having a spectacular time at camp, boning up on her circus, guitar, and stand-up comedy skills
- There are a mere 18 days left until vacation
- There is a wing cookoff this weekend. Oh delicious, greasy wings.
- Next week is a short week
- This coolio hotel is doing 3 nights for the price of 2 so Lovey and I are going to take advantage over the long weekend.
- Accounting sucks but it's easier when I actually read the text
- Three weeks until we'll be more than halfway through the Associate's program
- Oh yeah, coolio hotel is also doing a $99 special on massage. I'm so there.
- The arctic air in the office causes my bad shoulder pain to flare up
- My lack-of-memory moments combined with my mixing up letters while typing more now than EVER is slightly concerning to me
- We haven't won the lottery yet
- I like to spend way too much money
- I may need to start making posts 'neighborhood only'
- No concentration left at all
Peace, love and hair grease, Voxers