writing

February?!?!

For sure I’ve used this video before, but when it fits, it fits.

But holy shit, y’all. It’s already February. One twelfth of the year is gone, just like that. See, if you were doing New Year’s Resolutions, you might be stressed out about that thought. BUT, if you’re doing New Day Resolutions, that fraction don’t mean a damn thing.

As you may recall from my last post of a month ago (insert eye roll here), I have five NDRs. Through January, I did some, I didn’t do some. But I don’t have a true recollection of how much of any one thing I did with the exception of anything that got captured on the ‘Gram.

Because I like charts and graphs and coloring and because it might also help make the NDRs into habit, I printed a, wait for it, habit tracker. It’s perfect because it only has space for five things and five is all I’m good for. By no means am I using it to cause stress on myself or try to guilt myself into doing things. Am I going to enjoy coloring in the rectangles? Sure! Am I gonna be overly concerned if I miss one? Nope!

At least if I’m tracking what I’ve done, perhaps on March 1 I’ll then be able to look back at today and see improvements and I’ll be able to correlate that progression with time spent and effort exerted. The nerd level is pretty high but that’s just how I function.

Also how I function…my brain all over the place. Why, when I have gotten absolutely nowhere on the first three books in my head is there now a fourth idea swimming around in there?!?! I gotta stop manifesting ideas and start manifesting more fingers on keys.

Perhaps that’s how I’ll accomplish my daily writing goals. It doesn’t need to be a blog post every day. Let’s face it. We’re in a pandemic. There simply isn’t that much interesting going on in my life…or anyone else’s for the most part. So I’ll pick a random number out of the sky (or it won’t be random) and say, “Self, sit down and write 500 words in one of those four books.” And Self will do it. Part of my writing struggle is continuing to tell myself that I have to write a book from start to finish. Duh. It’s my book. I can write it however I want. Go ahead and write those parts that keep popping up in your head and save them. Then weave them together and quit fucking around!

Sometimes, you gotta give your damn self a pep talk.

Honestly, I don’t know why I never thought of writing in chunks before. What is wrong with me?!?! Well, it’s out there now so I can move forward.

Hey now! I’m done writing for today and I’ve hit 3 of my 5 NDRs. Considering that one of them (stretching) isn’t on the calendar until 8pm, I’m having a damn fine day. See ya soon.

What A Start

Wow. 2021. We’re off to….a start.

It’s been a long time. Shouldn’t have left you. Left you without a FUCKING PRESIDENT for the last four years. Oops. I got a little excited there. But yeah. America. Dust yourself off and try again.

Ok, ok, the country on fire isn’t what I wanna write about today.

Did you make New Year’s resolutions (NYR)? I did not. Eff that madness. I’m all about New DAY resolutions (NDR). I’m all about knowing how I work. It’s been 47 years so I think I have it mostly worked out. I know that I’ll fail at NYR before the end of January so why would I set myself up for that?!?! Why would you? Why would anyone?

I suppose if I were making NYR, it would look something like lose 10 pounds, have a better handstand, write a book, get better with my flow toys, and be a better person. LOLOLOLOL, right? It’s so general. And so many people try to run their NYR that way and then in January of the next year wonder where they went wrong. I’m trying to break out of that rut with the NDR.

I’ve spent enough time in Corporate America hell to know how to set goals. SMART ya heard. That’s specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound if you haven’t heard the spiel. What I listed before as NYR – not SMART. I tried to make my NDRs SMART. I guess really that I have five mini goals to get to my big daily goal of finishing my tasks. Every day, five quests upon which to journey on my way to GoalLand.

Exercise or do yoga – 30 min min, 60 min max
Meditate – 5 min min
Practice handstands – 5 min min, 10 min max
Write/blog – however long it takes to expel the word vomit
Flow (rotate through the poi, wand, hoop, fan, pole through the week) – 10 min min, no max

Those five things don’t seem like a lot of things and they aren’t. But like I said, I know how I am. I need to build a habit before I add something else to the mix. So I’m not stressing myself if I don’t make it to GoalLand every day. I know I won’t get to a blog post every day. We’re in the middle of a pandemic so I don’t really leave the house much. I love my home life, but there simply isn’t that much that happens that would merit a blog post. Of course I have a book of writing prompts and I thought I might combine the week of prompts or just pick one to do for the week and if I like more than one, I would write more than one post. Nooooo pressure on me. No pressure = I start enjoying writing again. I’m really hoping that happens because as I’ve said before, I have books in my head that need to get out.

The exercise/yoga is the easiest one. I’ve been in that habit for over ten years. I’ve been a fan of the BeachBody programs since the P90X days. They keep me (mostly) focused and typically produce results. The fasted workout is how I start my weekdays. Saturdays get studio time (and also counts for flow for the day). Sundays are for rest. Or golf. Or a hike. But I try to rest a day. I’m 47, remember?

Is the best way to get out of your head by going into your head? I hope so since I’m adding this mediation goal. Hubby’s job offered up a Headspace subscription so duh, of course I’m gonna take advantage of that. And the guy has a great accent so it’s pleasant to listen to him.

Acouplafew years ago, I had a really strong handstand game but for whatever reason, I fell out of my practice. I want those stripes back and the only way to get them is to put in the work. I know you’re looking at those numbers and thinking that 5 to 10 minutes doesn’t equal putting in the work, but I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. WRONG. When I first started self-teaching this, that’s all I would do. Go out there and give it a shot for 5 to 10 minutes. As I got a little stronger, I started going to workshops to learn more. And although every workshop lasted no less than 60 minutes, we were never on our hands for all of that time. The constraints I had instinctually placed on myself turned out to be the knowledge passed on of not doing hour upon hour of handstand work at a time. Wrists aren’t made for that sort of pressure, so you gotta ease em into it. Like anal.

Ahh the flow toys. I think it started when I won a hoop on Instagram and snowballed pretty fast from there. Then I needed another hoop. Ooh, look a wand…it’s like magic. Oh, hey, where are my old poi? One more hoop won’t hurt. LED lights for the end of my wand?!?! Yes please! Yeah, I need twin hoops for doubles. Hey Christmas! Thanks, hubby! LED poi! So yeah, that’s kinda how it went. Now I have a lot of toys and I’m working to get better at them all. Nope. Never one at a time. All the things, all the time.

Those are the things. Accomplishing them all in one day gets me a ticket to GoalLand. For all intents and purposes, we are through the first week of the year and I have yet to get that golden ticket. I’m ok with that. I feel pretty good about getting four out of five by February. Change takes time, folks. You don’t have time? I bet you have more time now than you would next year when you’re looking back saying you shoulda started then.

Get started.

Moving On

You know, I’ve known that I was gonna write about this since yesterday and yet, I’ve looked at my laptop at least 10 times and said ‘Later’ for no real reason. I see that writing fluidly again is going to be a battle. I hope I win. I have (another) book thought. That makes, oh, I don’t know, six? But they all stay floating around in my head, not getting written, not developing, not coming to life. I guess we all have our fears.

But this post isn’t about moving on past fears, because I’m just not sure how to do that just yet. It is, however, about the next chapter. Since it’s official (meaning I told my boss), I’ll speak openly (because you just never know who’s looking over your internet shoulder and that info should come from me) about our move. Yes, move. One mo gain. Crossing the country, back to Florida. You see, Colorado, you are nice, but buying a house here is for people that make more money than I do. Or, at least, buying a house that would be the house I would want to live in practically forever here simply isn’t feasible. So, off we go.

We have an outline and it gets filled in a little more all the time. We don’t have a solid leaving date though, lol. Some things still work in estimates. Packing has started though. Thinning of the clothing herd has started as well. I can’t yet donate the rest of the items because I don’t yet know if I’ll still need them. Fun, right? A few more weeks of waiting to find out if I get to keep my job and work remotely. If I get that ok, see ya work clothes! Well, with the exception of five super comfy dresses that I could rotate through if I absolutely had to and they’re still cute enough to wear out regularly. Look at me, doing adult stuff!

Location, location, location. We have ours pinpointed to between Port Charlotte and Lakewood Ranch. Tiny area, huh? (If you’re not familiar with SW Florida, it isn’t a tiny area.) I’m definitely open to hearing about awesome places or places to avoid. We spent a little bit of time driving around some of the areas and saw one or two that looked pretty decent, but you know you just never can tell with a daytime drive through.

Do you happen to know what will be in driving distance when I’m settled? Do ya know, do ya know, do ya know? Busch Gardens, baby. Season pass to that mofo. Why? Because I’m much more level-headed when I have that sort of adrenaline on the regular. Roller coaster fiend? Who? Me? Yeah, me. I’ve never had a season pass to an amusement park. This is exciting to me. I am a nerd.

I suppose I could ramble on about something else, but I’m not gonna push myself. I’ll try to see you tomorrow.

5/30 – Living It Up

If I could just pick up everything and move somewhere, with no concerns about money and whatnot, but it had to be somewhere I’ve never been, I’d probably go to Spain. I mean, it’s in a good location to get to so many places I would love to see. Plus, the hubby speaks Spanish so I wouldn’t have to worry about the communication part. Additionally, I have friends in Spain and the surrounding countries who I wouldn’t mind seeing again.

This almost isn’t even going to count as a blog post because it’s so short, and my phone just told me that Ted Cruz won the Wisconsin primary. This election year is the craziest shit, and yes, I mean SHIT that’s gone down in a while, no? Non? Quoi?

Y entonces, no tengo mas palabras. Adios. Au revoir. Peace, love, and chicken grease.

1-2-3 1-2-3 Drink

Happy Monday. You know, I’ve known this song has been around a little while, but I never paid any attention to it. The only reason it popped up this morning is because I started my last week of Cize and this is the song. So wait, last week of Cize?!?! That means that for the last five weeks, I’ve been diligently getting up in the morning to go down to the dungeon and make my best attempt at dancing. That means that the last routine is so freaking hard that I will spend two weeks on it, making it weeks six and seven. That means it will be seven of the easiest (mentally) weeks to get up and work out. And I don’t usually stick with things for that long, but I’m trying to change those sorts of bad habits.

Back to Sia. Have you ever listened to this?

Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I’m the one “for a good time call”
Phone’s blowin’ up, they’re ringin’ my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink

Throw ’em back, ’til I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ‘cos I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ‘cos I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

So how’s that for a gut punch? Not so much for you? Good on ya. Hit me like a truck. I used to live this way. No need to point fingers or any such madness. I’ve grown beyond that point although it took a long, long, LONG while. Drinking to not feel the pain, drinking to feel included, drinking to the point of not caring, drinking like the party girl to not get hurt, “fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry”, “gotta get out now, gotta run from this; here comes the shame, here comes the shame”. Yeah, that pretty much wraps it up. I could go into detail about feeling like that, but that’s another blog post for another day.

On to lighter topics. Last night, I carved my first pumpkin. Ever. Sounds crazy, right? To be coming up on 42 years old and to have never carved a pumpkin? Well, it’s true. And to be honest, it’s fucking gross. The inside of pumpkins smell awful. All those pumpkin guts are nasty. There was no way I was going to toast those seeds. I just couldn’t see putting that in my mouth. Yuck! However, we got a book of stencils and we have at least four left which means that we’ll be doing a second round before Halloween shows up. Here’s round one:

Lovey did the bat, and I did the other..thing. You can tell more from this shot that it’s two people holding hands than it’s also a skull. Gotta get that from just the right angle to see it in that way. Overall, I’m good with how these came out. Even though the pumpkin head on the left actually lost its head and it’s held together with toothpicks. I guess I won’t be quitting my day job to become a pumpkin carver any time soon.

Last thing I want to touch on before I move right along with my day is positivity and getting shit done. On the forward-facing front, I do well with the positivity. We all have problems and hearing mine doesn’t make anyone’s day better so I keep that shit to myself. It isn’t that I’m trying to present myself as something I’m not, I just internalize a lot of stuff. Then there’s that getting shit done part. Another of my weak points when it comes to my own personal life. At work, no problem. I’ll tackle my tasks, your tasks, her tasks, and his tasks, and likely get them all done. But when the only overseer is me, I slack. That’s right. You heard me. I slack on myself. Probably the worst possible place to be slacking.

All of this when I have goals, or at least things that I know I should do. Things I know I can do if I just put my mind to them. Things I know I can do and do well if I would just get out of my own head. Things that would get done if I could simply let go of this fear of failure. Because you can’t fail if you never start, right?

But that isn’t how I want to live my life. That’s not how anyone should live their life. I’ve been trying to ingest some positive vibes to keep myself on a good level and to encourage me to do what I know I can do. What I’ve been told I can do. What’s waiting for me on the other side of that door if I just grow up and open it. Starting today. Starting now. So, for the two people whom I “scope” the most, know that my effort is real. My effort is sincere. And my effort is for me. Here we go.

writing

February?!?!

What A Start

Moving On

5/30 – Living It Up

1-2-3 1-2-3 Drink

You Missed

Nothing To See Here

Too Damn Slow

Ghosts (of Days Gone By)

Raunchy Activated