Moving On

You know, I’ve known that I was gonna write about this since yesterday and yet, I’ve looked at my laptop at least 10 times and said ‘Later’ for no real reason. I see that writing fluidly again is going to be a battle. I hope I win. I have (another) book thought. That makes, oh, I don’t know, six? But they all stay floating around in my head, not getting written, not developing, not coming to life. I guess we all have our fears.

But this post isn’t about moving on past fears, because I’m just not sure how to do that just yet. It is, however, about the next chapter. Since it’s official (meaning I told my boss), I’ll speak openly (because you just never know who’s looking over your internet shoulder and that info should come from me) about our move. Yes, move. One mo gain. Crossing the country, back to Florida. You see, Colorado, you are nice, but buying a house here is for people that make more money than I do. Or, at least, buying a house that would be the house I would want to live in practically forever here simply isn’t feasible. So, off we go.

We have an outline and it gets filled in a little more all the time. We don’t have a solid leaving date though, lol. Some things still work in estimates. Packing has started though. Thinning of the clothing herd has started as well. I can’t yet donate the rest of the items because I don’t yet know if I’ll still need them. Fun, right? A few more weeks of waiting to find out if I get to keep my job and work remotely. If I get that ok, see ya work clothes! Well, with the exception of five super comfy dresses that I could rotate through if I absolutely had to and they’re still cute enough to wear out regularly. Look at me, doing adult stuff!

Location, location, location. We have ours pinpointed to between Port Charlotte and Lakewood Ranch. Tiny area, huh? (If you’re not familiar with SW Florida, it isn’t a tiny area.) I’m definitely open to hearing about awesome places or places to avoid. We spent a little bit of time driving around some of the areas and saw one or two that looked pretty decent, but you know you just never can tell with a daytime drive through.

Do you happen to know what will be in driving distance when I’m settled? Do ya know, do ya know, do ya know? Busch Gardens, baby. Season pass to that mofo. Why? Because I’m much more level-headed when I have that sort of adrenaline on the regular. Roller coaster fiend? Who? Me? Yeah, me. I’ve never had a season pass to an amusement park. This is exciting to me. I am a nerd.

I suppose I could ramble on about something else, but I’m not gonna push myself. I’ll try to see you tomorrow.

5/30 – Living It Up

If I could just pick up everything and move somewhere, with no concerns about money and whatnot, but it had to be somewhere I’ve never been, I’d probably go to Spain. I mean, it’s in a good location to get to so many places I would love to see. Plus, the hubby speaks Spanish so I wouldn’t have to worry about the communication part. Additionally, I have friends in Spain and the surrounding countries who I wouldn’t mind seeing again.

This almost isn’t even going to count as a blog post because it’s so short, and my phone just told me that Ted Cruz won the Wisconsin primary. This election year is the craziest shit, and yes, I mean SHIT that’s gone down in a while, no? Non? Quoi?

Y entonces, no tengo mas palabras. Adios. Au revoir. Peace, love, and chicken grease.

1-2-3 1-2-3 Drink

 

Happy Monday. You know, I’ve known this song has been around a little while, but I never paid any attention to it. The only reason it popped up this morning is because I started my last week of Cize and this is the song. So wait, last week of Cize?!?! That means that for the last five weeks, I’ve been diligently getting up in the morning to go down to the dungeon and make my best attempt at dancing. That means that the last routine is so freaking hard that I will spend two weeks on it, making it weeks six and seven.  That means it will be seven of the easiest (mentally) weeks to get up and work out. And I don’t usually stick with things for that long, but I’m trying to change those sorts of bad habits.

Back to Sia. Have you ever listened to this?

Party girls don’t get hurt
Can’t feel anything, when will I learn
I push it down, push it down

I’m the one “for a good time call”
Phone’s blowin’ up, they’re ringin’ my doorbell
I feel the love, feel the love

1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink
1,2,3 1,2,3 drink

Throw ’em back, ’til I lose count

I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier

But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ‘cos I’m just holding on for tonight
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes
Keep my glass full until morning light, ‘cos I’m just holding on for tonight
On for tonight

Sun is up, I’m a mess
Gotta get out now, gotta run from this
Here comes the shame, here comes the shame

So how’s that for a gut punch? Not so much for you? Good on ya. Hit me like a truck. I used to live this way. No need to point fingers or any such madness. I’ve grown beyond that point although it took a long, long, LONG while. Drinking to not feel the pain, drinking to feel included, drinking to the point of not caring, drinking like the party girl to not get hurt, “fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry”, “gotta get out now, gotta run from this; here comes the shame, here comes the shame”. Yeah, that pretty much wraps it up. I could go into detail about feeling like that, but that’s another blog post for another day.

On to lighter topics. Last night, I carved my first pumpkin. Ever. Sounds crazy, right? To be coming up on 42 years old and to have never carved a pumpkin? Well, it’s true. And to be honest, it’s fucking gross. The inside of pumpkins smell awful. All those pumpkin guts are nasty. There was no way I was going to toast those seeds. I just couldn’t see putting that in my mouth. Yuck! However, we got a book of stencils and we have at least four left which means that we’ll be doing a second round before Halloween shows up. Here’s round one:

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Lovey did the bat, and I did the other..thing. You can tell more from this shot that it’s two people holding hands than it’s also a skull. Gotta get that from just the right angle to see it in that way. Overall, I’m good with how these came out. Even though the pumpkin head on the left actually lost its head and it’s held together with toothpicks. I guess I won’t be quitting my day job to become a pumpkin carver any time soon.

Last thing I want to touch on before I move right along with my day is positivity and getting shit done. On the forward-facing front, I do well with the positivity. We all have problems and hearing mine doesn’t make anyone’s day better so I keep that shit to myself. It isn’t that I’m trying to present myself as something I’m not, I just internalize a lot of stuff. Then there’s that getting shit done part. Another of my weak points when it comes to my own personal life. At work, no problem. I’ll tackle my tasks, your tasks, her tasks, and his tasks, and likely get them all done. But when the only overseer is me, I slack. That’s right. You heard me. I slack on myself. Probably the worst possible place to be slacking.

All of this when I have goals, or at least things that I know I should do. Things I know I can do if I just put my mind to them. Things I know I can do and do well if I would just get out of my own head. Things that would get done if I could simply let go of this fear of failure. Because you can’t fail if you never start, right?

But that isn’t how I want to live my life. That’s not how anyone should live their life. I’ve been trying to ingest some positive vibes to keep myself on a good level and to encourage me to do what I know I can do. What I’ve been told I can do. What’s waiting for me on the other side of that door if I just grow up and open it. Starting today. Starting now. So, for the two people whom I “scope” the most, know that my effort is real. My effort is sincere. And my effort is for me. Here we go.

A Mild Slump – But A Video Too!

That’s where I am. The rational part of my mind realizes that I do plenty enough; the irrational part thinks all I do is lay on the couch and eat BonBons. The rational part of my mind knows there are only so many hours in a day; the irrational part says I could be doing SO. MUCH. MORE with my time. Hey mind, how’s about you get your act together?!?!

With only today and tomorrow left in the month, I could either finish strong or take it easy. You go ahead and guess which train I’m on. I think that having a “recovery week” in any exercise program is detrimental to my progress. It happens every time. I get lazy and I don’t do the recovery week exercises because they aren’t challenging enough. The rational part of my mind says that’s because it’s a RECOVERY week you moron; the irrational part says you’re so lazy because you aren’t sweating. Just sit around instead (because that somehow makes me LESS lazy?) On Monday, I’ll start the whole program over again. It’s not actually that bad to start over since it will have me finishing three weeks closer to vacation. Still leaves a month to spare. 122 days and counting. That will be a challenge – to write every day whilst on vacation. Trying to keep up a routine of anything while on a ship is tough. When you’re not working there, that is, and I certainly will not be working.

On the list of accomplishments for January, I completed our FabPole routines class. Video below. Hard to believe that we did this over the course of four weeks with only one hour per class. There will be a prettified version at some point, but this is it for now. I’d like to do it over, tweak some things here and there, but for the most part, I’m satisfied. Also, my armpits have fabric burn. Schmexy!

So at least there is that accomplishment for January, combined with I have put words in this blog every day and I worked out for most of the month. (As much as I know that numbers on the scale shouldn’t mean crap, I was still pretty disappointed when I got on the scale at the gym earlier this week.) Promotion plus raise is good. Bringing my gym membership fees down to a steal of $20 a month is pretty outrageous. Even if I only go to one Zumba class a week, I’m still saving at least $20 a month with this membership. It’s out of control and I love it! Bonus hot tub, steam room, and sauna included.

A family friend is a part of an event tonight that we’ve been invited to. Said event is in a strip club (which you *know* I have no issue with) and they’re combining with a “strip-off”. I didn’t know about this part until I started doing some research. Prize is $200. Chances hubby would not blow a gasket if I breathed in that direction? 2000%, lol. Perhaps I’ll just send my brother and he’ll have a good time. Because if you can believe the meteorologists, and you can’t, it’s supposed to snow 20 feet tonight or some minuscule amount that everyone will act like is 20 feet. Buck up already! This is Colorado where you should be used to the snow driving by now.  There can’t be that many transplants here from non-snowy states, although there are a lot of transplants here, us included. 🙂 We add flava to this pretty white state. (You add or remove punctuation as you wish there.)

Well, kids, we’re in the home stretch of this week. Be proud of yourself that you made it this far and give yourself something to look forward to every day even if it’s only the end of your work day. Have a great Thursday and be excellent to each other – name the movie.

Monday Musings on A Tuesday

I do always have the best intentions when it comes to writing. However, sometimes stuff (read work) gets in the way.

Did I accomplish every goal from last week? Nope. Am I going to beat myself up about it? Nope. Actively realizing that I don’t need to attain perfection is something else I’m working on this year.

So, let’s have some positives.  I worked out a plenty. Didn’t stretch enough. I blogged a plenty. Didn’t work on the book enough. I GOT MY JANUARY POLE MOVE! I got my January pole move. I was able to be a pole student, which is always fantastic. (Many thanks to the lovely Jen W. over at Studio 3SixT!) I got pushed hard and learned a few new things on top of Brass Monkey.  Success!

This week, I’ll try to continue working out a fair amount, stretching, writing, being the goofball that I am, choreographing two showcase routines (but only performing one), and running errands like a maniac Wed – Sat whilst trying to stay warm and beat the snow. Even though it’s winter, and it’s Colorado, apparently, it doesn’t typically get as cold as it’s about to out here. Going to that Broncos game on Saturday? Good effing luck. It isn’t supposed to be above 20 for the entire game. Is my team playing? No. And you know what? Even if they were, I would be hard pressed to go sit out there in that sort of weather, even for my beloved Steelers.  Hell, if the Super Bowl were here (which Denver wants but I just don’t see happening simply on the CHANCE that this upcoming weather could reoccur), I still think I’d watch from home. I don’t know that I have enough snowboard gear to justify sitting outside for 3 or 4 hours in below freezing temperatures when I’m not actually snowboarding.

Sidebar: I don’t necessarily want to see it happen, but I feel that the Ravens at least get to, if not win the Super Bowl. Ray Ray is done. He is a legend. The NFL will have him go out on top. Just like Jerome did. Go ahead, NFL, prove me wrong with not one questionable call for or against the Ravens as long as they keep playing.

Backing up for a moment, how about success? There are times when I see others and feel that they are successful. I don’t necessarily feel that way about myself. BUT, just this morning, I started thinking to myself and came to the conclusion that, by MY standards, which are the only ones that matter to me, I AM successful. I am gainfully employed making a decent salary. I don’t live in fear of my car dying (any more). I have a roof over my head (a pretty decent one to boot). I have activities that I enjoy and someone with whom to share them. And most importantly, to me, I get the opportunity, on a weekly basis, to interact with and encourage my fellow dancers.  I hope that I get to inspire them. But even if I don’t, I know that I enjoy their company and the joie de vivre (how bout that French) that each dancer brings to the studio. Sooooo, successful? Me? Yes. I. AM.

Last thing before I take off here. I added one more weekly goal. Spanish Sunday. Having taken 4 years of high school Spanish, having lived in Mexico for nearly 2 years, and having a fluent Spanish speaker in the house, there is really no reason for me not to be speaking considerably better Spanish than I do.  So Hubby has agreed to do Spanish Sunday with me wherein he will only speak to me in Spanish and only reply to me if I have spoken to him in Spanish. It’s immersion without leaving the house! Boy there are lot’s of things I want to accomplish this year. How about you? How are your goals/resolutions coming?

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